Laughter - Good Medicine

[Tibby]

I vampire bat comes flying into his cave late one night, dripping in blood. His friends mouths water as they see this “Please, tell us where all this blood came from!”

“No, no, it isn’t important” the bat replied

“Was it a cow?” His friends ask.

“No.” Replies the bat.

“Was is a horse?” His friends ask.

“No.” Replies the bat.

“Well, what is it?” After a while, the bat gets tired of his friends badgering him, so he agrees to take them to where to found the blood. They fly out for miles and miles, then they finally stop, hovering across from a clump of trees.

“See those tree?” The bat says.

“yes, yes” his friend replied enthusiastically.

“Well” the bat says “I didn’t”

 

[nChrist]

     

Already much better than mine. I'll keep working on it though.

[nChrist]

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

[Tibby]

Ever heard the one about the retired cop who told cheesy jokes?

[nChrist]

Ever heard the one about the retired cop who told cheesy jokes?

Oklahoma Howdy to Tibby,

   I think that I heard that one. I think becoming a comedian is out of the question, so I'm training for the Olympics. I'm going to be a javelin catcher.  

In Christ,
Tom

[Tibby]

haha. Personally, I think an NBA bench warmer would be the best sports job, but ok...

[nChrist]

Church Signs:

Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world!

It is unlikely there will ever be a reduction in the wages of sin.

Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.

Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here.

Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons - come hear one.

People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.

Where will you be sitting in eternity - smoking or non-smoking?

[Ambassador4Christ]

My friend is so stupid:

He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

He thought a quarterback was a refund.

He tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

He thought General Motors was in the army.

He thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

He tripped over a cordless phone.

He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

LOL Good One Bro
==============================
I like this one

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.
A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ"?

The man replied, "130".

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about
physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on.

The man listened intently and thought, "This is
really cool".

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked
him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responded, "100."

So the robot started talking about the football,
baseball and so on.

The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really, really
cool".

A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others,
the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "70".

The robot then said, "So, what's the
Democratic Party up to these days?"

[nChrist]

   

Oklahoma Howdy to Ambassador4Christ,

Brother, we missed you!

Are you back?

WOW! - I love your new graphic!

In Christ,
Tom

[Forrest]

You know you're living in 2003 when...
>
>1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
>
>2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years - or ever.
>
>3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
>
>4. You e-mail your coworker who sits at the desk next to you.
>
>5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do
>not have e-mail addresses or a cell phone.
>
>6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone
>in a business manner.
>
>7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to
>get an outside line.
>
>8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
>different companies.
>
>10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11o'clock news.
>
>11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job
>
>12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
>long-service awards.
>
>AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE...
>
>13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
>
>14. As you read this list, you thought about forwarding it to our
>"friends"
>
>15. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you any more,
>except to send you jokes from the net.
>
>16. You are too busy to notice there was no No 9
>
>17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No.9
>
>18. You don't kmow anyone's phone number because it is programed into
>your cell phone

[nChrist]

   

Southern University Psychology:
 
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," she said.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ".
 
 

OK, now I fully expect to be paid back from a Texan.

 

[Forrest]

 LAST REQUEST


Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and
she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last
night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any
last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun...

[Brother Love]

LAST REQUEST

LOL Forest

Brother Love

[nChrist]

   

Hole In One:

Father Norton wakes up to a beautiful, sunny Sunday morning and decides he just has to play golf.

He pretends he's sick and convinces the associate pastor to say mass for him that day, then heads out of town to a golf course about 50 miles away so he won't run into anyone from his parish.

On the first tee he sees he has the entire course to himself: Everyone else is in church!

Watching from heaven, Saint Peter turns to the Lord and asks, "are you going to let him get away with this?"

Just then Father Norton hits the ball. It heads straight for the pin, drops just short of it, rolls up, and falls into the hole - a 420 yard hole in one!

Astonished, Saint Peter looks at the Lord and asks, "Why in Heaven did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiles and replies, "Who's he going to tell?"

[nChrist]

     

Another Groaner from me.

Mexican Smuggler:
 
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."