Laughter - Good Medicine

[Tolorah]

We dont have Thanksgiving here...I feel left out 

[nChrist]

Hello Tolorah,

Sister, Thanksgiving is something that Christians can and should have every day all over the world. I know that some people attach a different purpose to the term "Thanksgiving", but the real purpose is thanking GOD for all of HIS blessings. Once a day is really not enough to thank GOD for all HE has done for us. So, you can have Thanksgiving as many times each day as you want to. For Christians, it's really a time of worship, praise, and thanks to GOD.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Philippians 1:6 NASB  For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

[Soldier4Christ]

Amen Brother Tom!

Sister Tolorah it sounds like it's time for you to start a new tradition there then. I would save you a drumstick if I could. It probably wouldn't be much good though by the time it made it there. 

[Tolorah]

LOL ... i am thankful many times a day but its not the same thing.... L well

[nChrist]

TRIVIA/INTERESTING FACTS - Part 1

(My Note: I don't think this has been posted. I hope not.)


Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Coca-cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.

Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28

Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38

Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7

Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3

Only food that does not spoil: honey

Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird

Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica

Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: Pig

Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.

An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.

In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.

Polar bears are left-handed.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.

Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.

Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.

Your nose and ears never stop growing.

Hot water is heavier than cold.

They have square watermelons in Japan...they stack better.

Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.

There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.

Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

Men get hiccups more often than woman.

=========================See Page 2

[nChrist]

TRIVIA/INTERESTING FACTS - Part 2

Armadillos can be housebroken.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

The "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk, with the shutter on backwards.

The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead".

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."

Camel's milk does not curdle.

An animal epidemic is called an epizootic.

Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

All porcupines float in water.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag.

The only nation who's name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an "A" is Afghanistan.

When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.

=================================See Page 3

[nChrist]

TRIVIA/INTERESTING FACTS - Part 3

No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends with the letters mt.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

There are only four words in the English language which end with dous:
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.

A dragonfly has a life-span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at home!)

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

[nChrist]

This was sent to me by our Brother Josprell, Brother Joe. Thanks Brother Joe.
___________________________

Caution... They Walk Among Us!


Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old
fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free
to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat
there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually
decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked  to
good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:  "Fridge for sale
$50." The next day someone stole it.
  They Walk Among Us!

  One day I was walking down the beach with some  friends when
someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone  looked up at
the sky and said..."where???"
  They Walk among us!!

  While looking at a house, my brother asked the  real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he  didn't want the
sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the
north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and
has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up
with that stuff."
  They Walk Among Us!!

  I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One
day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . .
  They Walk Among Us!!!

  My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when
we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore She drove down in a
convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was
moving".
  They Walk Among Us!!!!

  I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half
pound  sirloin. She informed me they only had an 8 ounce sirloin. Not
wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 8 ounce steak
instead of the half-pounder.
  They walk among us!

  My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in  the trunk...
  They Walk Among Us!!!!!

  My friends and I were on a Pepsi run and noticed that the cases
we re discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20%  discount....
  They Walk Among Us!!!!!!

  I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a  woman with a nose
ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend  said, "Wouldn't the
chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had  to explain that a
person's nose and ear remain the same distance  apart no matter
which way the head is turned...
  They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!

  I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags had  never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry  because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has
your plane arrived yet?"...
  They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!


  While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man  ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't  think I'm
hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
  Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

   Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also  reproduce; AND VOTE!

[nChrist]

The Superbowl:


A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.

As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man.  "Who in their right  mind would have a  seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me.  I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.  This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  That's terrible.   But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".

The man shakes his head.  "No, they're all at the funeral."

[nChrist]

Questions & Answers


What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the post office?
They're hiring.

[nChrist]

Ponderings……. - Part 1

Have you ever wondered about this?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

===========================See Part 2

[nChrist]

Ponderings……. - Part 2

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

What is the speed of dark?

When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

What's another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How can there be self-help groups?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Where are Preparations A through G?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why
you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

[nChrist]

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."


MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


**********************************************


FEMALE PROCEDURE:

Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.


SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE LADIES YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT! - I'm in hiding!

[nChrist]

Why We Love Children


1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents"

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "Would you please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8  DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes!" (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

[Soldier4Christ]

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE LADIES YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT! - I'm in hiding!

RUN BEPS RUN!!