The sin that destroyed me

[heartofdavid]

I am so desperate for something....It all began 6 weeks ago I am a 25 year old mother and wife and an active member in church training for ministry and all was going well. I recently returned on a missions trip with my church and then this is when my life went from one of living radical for the Lord wanting nothing but to please Him to the torment of hell that surrounds me now. On the plane ride back one of the ministers that went who is 11 years my senior said something to me that now I wish I could have dealt with then...He admitted to me that he had wanted me and had for 2.5 years and cared for me he wanted to be physical with me. Now in my mind I knew that was beyond wrong especially after all the great revelation and surrundering I did to God on this trip....but this is what kills my soul is that I somehow entertained this statement and agreed to engage in sin. All the while saying that we loved eachother, denying the thing that was burning in our souls yada yada... All I know now is that when I look back I did not have the armor of God on and did not resist the devil and flee yet I allowed him to subdue me and murder me. I ended this horrid affair a few days ago after I had attempted many times but this time God showed me a dream as a warning of the penalty of sin which is death.. Upon ending this affair which did get physical I cried so hard over the sin I have commited ashamed at the very thing I was so adament against. Now here it is not knowing what to do feeling so seperated from God with noone to talk to at all. My church is small and we are a close knit family.....I have confessed my sins to a great woman of God who is my friend but she is far away and I am struggling to not lose it and just allow God to turn me to a reprobate mind I am so ashamed where I don't even want forgiveness. Hating the very person I see in the mirror, looking to my husband knowing I am utter trash although he says he will stay with me through anything. What kind of Christian woman does this happen to? I thought I loved God with all my heart for all that He has delivered me from but now I see that what the devil said about me is true. Who can rise from the ashes to be made whole again? I don't think I can although Jesus went to the cross for all sin I cannot forgive myself especially when I knew that it was wrong all the while trying to fight but it was like my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. I know now to never put any confidence in this flesh its ultimate goal is to sin and sin kills you.

I am posting this not to be further condemned I am sorry beyond words and have truly repented to God, I am hoping for wise woman of God to help me get up and let God heal me so that I won't die. I know His word as I think of how Jesus is faithful and just to forgive of ALL sins, but what about me. I want to walk out on my family my 3 children, church, friends and family to just die than live with this and for them to know and it destroy them.  If you are a prayer warrior and look for those who have sinned to be restored back to the father as when David was restored please I am begging and praying that God send me someone....I am so on the verge of suicide and I know that the enemy is having a field day and right now he is winning. I am owning my sin not looking to escape judgement but am sincerly looking for a light to show me that God has not thrown me away to satan. Please again I know this will stir a lot of hatred and judgement as I too once was cheated on by my own husband so I know that side but I need love the Love of Jesus to help heal this gash in my soul.

[Soldier4Christ]

Hi heartofdavid,

Welcome to Christians Unite.

Let me assure you that none of us are in a position to warrant our condemning you. That is not for us to do. It is very apparent that you are under strong conviction over this. I am glad that you came here to us instead of the alternatives that you speak of. I am sure that you realize that suicide is not the answer. You also probably know that we are told "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed." (James 5:14-16 ) I will be praying for you.

Jesus has assured us that He will never leave nor forsake us. Yes He may get upset with us but He is a merciful God willing to forgive us of all sins if we are truly repentant. Turn to Him and allow Him to lead you in the right direction over this.

You mentioned the need of putting on the whole armor of God. This is something that we definitely need to do. I know this does not help with this situation but it is something to think about for the future to prevent a recurrence. One of the greatest men of God of our time knew that the flesh was weak. When he went into his ministry traveling around this nation he put certain procedures into place to prevent such a thing happening to him. He would not travel alone or with someone that might expose him to such a temptation. He would not enter a hotel room until it had been checked to insure that others were not there to tempt him. We must do likewise prevent us from succumbing to those temptations. That is a part of putting on the whole armor of God.

Again be assured that Jesus has not abandoned you He is there with open arms waiting for you at all times.

[nChrist]

Hello HeartOfDavid,

WELCOME!

I know that you are hurting right now, and I pray that the fellowship here will be part of the answers and strength you need to get your life back on track. I agree with Pastor Roger completely. All of us are weak human beings and we all frequently need forgiveness from GOD. Part of our fellowship here is to pray for each other, and many will be praying for you in this difficult time. We will all find our real strength in CHRIST. When we are weak, HE is strong, and nothing is too big for HIM to handle. Sister, I think that you already know that the real and lasting answers are in prayer and repentance.

I will be praying for you.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Hebrews 10:23-25 NASB  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

[gina]

hi,

i just read your email.  no can condemn you for what happened unless they are without sin in their lives too.  and we all know the only one without sin is jesus.  we are not perfect and we do make mistakes.  right now, you have done the right thing you have ended it, and have asked for forgiveness.  now you must also forgive yourself to, don't let this eat at you.  right now, i am at the other end of this, my husband fell in love with someone else and moved out over a year ago.  and i am working on forgiving him and myself for some of the problems that were in our marriage.  he has not forgiven me for anything for over the past 18 years and says he is trying to.  i know that i wouldn't get thru this without god's help and love, so realize that if you are truly repentant that god has forgiven you and let it go.  know that no matter what happens that god really loves us and cares for us.  he is there waiting for us, he is there for the good times and the bad, and i know right now you feel like this is the worst time in your life.  but i promise it will get better.  please take care of yourself and know that there are people praying for you.  sometimes they do not even know what your need is, but feel led to pray for you anyway.  so hang in there.

remember christ loves you and forgives you.

in christ,  gina

[nChrist]

Amen Sister Gina,

It's wonderful to know that GOD loves to hear our prayers for each other. This is a part of our fellowship that GOD also gives us to comfort, encourage, and strengthen each other in CHRIST. We must also remember that GOD is always with us and the HOLY SPIRIT lives in our hearts, so we are never alone. I will be praying for you also.

Love In Christ,
Tom

John 10:29-30 NASB  "My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. "I and the Father are one."

[danielleenbody]

Hi HeartforDavid,

Wow, it took allot of courage to state your sin. That is a huge step in itself. Not excusing your sin by any means but it sounds like you are pretty repentful by your 1st post. Now that you have confessed this sin, maybe you and your husband can go to counseling and you can start on recovery and restoration. The fact that your husband isn't leaving you is awesome and a start (I can't say that I would stay with my husband had he cheated). The one thing you need to work on is not letting the enemy torment you with guilt. The enemy not only likes to tempt us but he is the maker of guilt. I will pray for your recovery and restoration of your marraige. I can't imagine going through something like that - on either end, but keep in prayer and don't let the enemy get the best of you.

[Dchristian]

A great study I did that answered some of these issues, is Why Godly Peope do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore.
I would also suggest not being in church with this person at  this particular time. I would also suggest honesty with your husband immedietly.
God Bless and remember God still loves you and wants you!!

[gina]

i agree with you dchristian, we all have to remember that God is holding our hand, not the other way around or we might let go, God will never forsake us or leave us, and no one can pluck us from his hand.  right now that is what i am focusing on.  some of you know my problems and just keep praying for God's direction in this situation.  we all have to remember that God loves us and will forgive us if we repent and ask him for his forgiveness.  so i hope dear sister in the lord that you have repented and are truly seeking forgiveness from God and your husband.  and i will be praying for you daily.

in christ's unending love,

gina

[christmas]

Dear Sister in Christ,

God has not thrown you away to satan. God loves you so much that he gave his son to die on the cross so we could be reunited with Him. Please take time to read Romans 8:31-39. it says there that nothing can separate us from the love of God, we are in God's hand and no one can snatch us from His hand. Also, John 1:9 says if you confess your sin He is faithful and just to forgive. Sister, believe in God's promises. The Lord will remove your sin as far as the east is from the west! Believe in God. Seek God's help to give you strength to walk again. As you start to walk again, the devil will try to hinder you but always remember..greater is He who is in you that he who is in the world! You can make a fresh start with GOd's grace!   

[Debp]

Dear Sister in Christ,

God has not thrown you away to satan. God loves you so much that he gave his son to die on the cross so we could be reunited with Him. Please take time to read Romans 8:31-39. it says there that nothing can separate us from the love of God, we are in God's hand and no one can snatch us from His hand. Also, John 1:9 says if you confess your sin He is faithful and just to forgive. Sister, believe in God's promises. The Lord will remove your sin as far as the east is from the west! Believe in God. Seek God's help to give you strength to walk again. As you start to walk again, the devil will try to hinder you but always remember..greater is He who is in you that he who is in the world! You can make a fresh start with GOd's grace!   

Amen!!  HeartofDavid, please receive the cleansing that you are offered...."if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 1:9.  Once you have accepted this, please go on from there.....some Christians still allow the enemy to condemn them, when they have already been cleansed.

[airIam2worship]

I am so desperate for something....It all began 6 weeks ago I am a 25 year old mother and wife and an active member in church training for ministry and all was going well. I recently returned on a missions trip with my church and then this is when my life went from one of living radical for the Lord wanting nothing but to please Him to the torment of hell that surrounds me now. On the plane ride back one of the ministers that went who is 11 years my senior said something to me that now I wish I could have dealt with then...He admitted to me that he had wanted me and had for 2.5 years and cared for me he wanted to be physical with me. Now in my mind I knew that was beyond wrong especially after all the great revelation and surrundering I did to God on this trip....but this is what kills my soul is that I somehow entertained this statement and agreed to engage in sin. All the while saying that we loved eachother, denying the thing that was burning in our souls yada yada... All I know now is that when I look back I did not have the armor of God on and did not resist the devil and flee yet I allowed him to subdue me and murder me. I ended this horrid affair a few days ago after I had attempted many times but this time God showed me a dream as a warning of the penalty of sin which is death.. Upon ending this affair which did get physical I cried so hard over the sin I have commited ashamed at the very thing I was so adament against. Now here it is not knowing what to do feeling so seperated from God with noone to talk to at all. My church is small and we are a close knit family.....I have confessed my sins to a great woman of God who is my friend but she is far away and I am struggling to not lose it and just allow God to turn me to a reprobate mind I am so ashamed where I don't even want forgiveness. Hating the very person I see in the mirror, looking to my husband knowing I am utter trash although he says he will stay with me through anything. What kind of Christian woman does this happen to? I thought I loved God with all my heart for all that He has delivered me from but now I see that what the devil said about me is true. Who can rise from the ashes to be made whole again? I don't think I can although Jesus went to the cross for all sin I cannot forgive myself especially when I knew that it was wrong all the while trying to fight but it was like my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. I know now to never put any confidence in this flesh its ultimate goal is to sin and sin kills you.

I am posting this not to be further condemned I am sorry beyond words and have truly repented to God, I am hoping for wise woman of God to help me get up and let God heal me so that I won't die. I know His word as I think of how Jesus is faithful and just to forgive of ALL sins, but what about me. I want to walk out on my family my 3 children, church, friends and family to just die than live with this and for them to know and it destroy them.  If you are a prayer warrior and look for those who have sinned to be restored back to the father as when David was restored please I am begging and praying that God send me someone....I am so on the verge of suicide and I know that the enemy is having a field day and right now he is winning. I am owning my sin not looking to escape judgement but am sincerly looking for a light to show me that God has not thrown me away to satan. Please again I know this will stir a lot of hatred and judgement as I too once was cheated on by my own husband so I know that side but I need love the Love of Jesus to help heal this gash in my soul.

Dear Sister, in Christ. I welcome you to CU, I am sorry I did not respond to this post sooner.

Please allow me to refer you to these two Scriptures.

 Mt 26:75 And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.

 Lu 22:62 And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.

The Bible does not say he prayed and still felt convicted, as a matter of fact we know for sure that Peter was forgiven.

God saw Peter's tears, He saw how bitterly Peter wept, and Peter was forgiven.

The devil is a liar, he is trying to destroy you, by making you continue to dwell on the things that only God can undo, and that is by forgetting. GOD no longer remembers this, He has forgotten it ... The WORD tells us that as far as the East is from the West GOD has forgotten.

Thank GOD that our sins are forgiven by the Blood of the Lamb.

Sister, lift up your head, thank GOD for forgiving you, tell satan he is a liar and you will not allow him to convict you anymore, you are forgiven

[airIam2worship]

hi,

i just read your email.  no can condemn you for what happened unless they are without sin in their lives too.  and we all know the only one without sin is jesus.  we are not perfect and we do make mistakes.  right now, you have done the right thing you have ended it, and have asked for forgiveness.  now you must also forgive yourself to, don't let this eat at you.  right now, i am at the other end of this, my husband fell in love with someone else and moved out over a year ago.  and i am working on forgiving him and myself for some of the problems that were in our marriage.  he has not forgiven me for anything for over the past 18 years and says he is trying to.  i know that i wouldn't get thru this without god's help and love, so realize that if you are truly repentant that god has forgiven you and let it go.  know that no matter what happens that god really loves us and cares for us.  he is there waiting for us, he is there for the good times and the bad, and i know right now you feel like this is the worst time in your life.  but i promise it will get better.  please take care of yourself and know that there are people praying for you.  sometimes they do not even know what your need is, but feel led to pray for you anyway.  so hang in there.

remember christ loves you and forgives you.

in christ,  gina

Amen Gina.

[airIam2worship]

Dear Sister in Christ,

God has not thrown you away to satan. God loves you so much that he gave his son to die on the cross so we could be reunited with Him. Please take time to read Romans 8:31-39. it says there that nothing can separate us from the love of God, we are in God's hand and no one can snatch us from His hand. Also, John 1:9 says if you confess your sin He is faithful and just to forgive. Sister, believe in God's promises. The Lord will remove your sin as far as the east is from the west! Believe in God. Seek God's help to give you strength to walk again. As you start to walk again, the devil will try to hinder you but always remember..greater is He who is in you that he who is in the world! You can make a fresh start with GOd's grace!   

Amen Christmas, and please allow me to welcome you to CU.

[heartofdavid]

I want to thank you all for the prayers that were sent out...I thank God for you and as the bible says that whatsover things you desire when you pray to believe it and you shall have it. I prayed for restoration and cleansing and even though it has been a long and tiring battle I am able to hold my head up and look up to my Father and cry thank you. I have learned a lot about myself and the test that I failed. Not to be ignorant to the enemies devices, I make it a day by day confession to trust and depend on the Lord and seek the protection of the Holy Spirit. God is indeed magnificent that He has taken me and kept me in His loving arms. Now to be used as a vessel for Him so that He can get the glory, it is always good to hear of prosperity and healings but restoration and reconciliation is a glorious thing in which the devil is put to shame and God's love is shown. As I have stated it has not been an easy road but one day at a time and a total transformation of my mind God has delivered me. Again thanks to the awesome prayer warriors on this site for interceeding on my behalf my heart is truly grateful, it was not in vain.

Taking one day at a time and working out my soul salvation with trembling and fear- Heart of David

[airIam2worship]

Sister know that I am praying for you and I am standing in agreement with you that you are victorious through the  Blood of Jesus, I am lifting hands too and thanking GOD for your victory.