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Author Topic: Church, Marriage, Stress, Anger and the Results (Seeking Advice)  (Read 2697 times)
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« on: November 12, 2006, 12:57:48 PM »

Hey everyone,

I normally do not like to post long posts so I'll keep this one as brief as possible.  I am seeking advice from Godly men regarding some situations that have arised in my life since I got married early this year.

After I came to God it felt like I had issues like stress and anger mastered.  I really felt the power of God move in my life and the results were incredible.  Some things that happened could not be explained outside of the supernatural and I was completely swept off of my feet by God's willingness to prove His existence somebody like myself.

The story of how I met my wife itself could easily be credited to divine intervention.  When we met there were literally 3 other ways we could have met during that same time.  It was evident that God put us together.

The Church Issue
When my wife and I met I was going to a small and quiet church in a neighboring town.  She was attending a ministry which puts most of it's focus on recovery from drugs and alcohol.  I began going to her ministry on Tuesday nights and Friday nights.  I was invited to the Tuesday "Bible study" by one of her friends.  The Bible Study is really an AA / NA kind of meeting where they go through maybe a paragraph of the Bible and then discuss how they got off of drugs and alcohol.  Me... I've never even tried drugs or alcohol.  So of course I felt out of place.  On Friday nights they held a Christian Coffee House.  The first time I went my wife had the announcing duties and in between she'd hang out with me.  Every time after that when I went I barely saw her. 

Our basic Friday was like this.  She'd go from work to get her children from daycare (2 of them), take them home and rush them out to the Coffee House where she had to get things ready.  The kids were rushed so much they barely knew what was going on.  Then she would want me there around 5:30 or 6:00 so I could be there with her.  The coffeehouse opened at 8.  I would sit there and do nothing until almost 11:00 and most of the time I was there alone with nobody to talk to.

I just sucked it up and tried to convince myself that I had a problem because I was not being patient.  I began seeing that her pastor and his wife were very controlling and extremely brutal when it came to the people they took under their wing.  They would tell them what they had to do to be a Christian.  What did they have to do?  Help with the Coffeehouse on Fridays (be there early, clean up after close), attend and help out with Sunday service, attend Tuesday Bible study, and go to a Bible college on Thursdays at another Church.  My wife was doing all of this on top of her AA / NA meetings.

I decided because she had more commitments to this church and she was there longer, I would leave mine and begin attending hers shortly before we got married.  BIG MISTAKE!!!!  It was like I poured my anger and bitterness into a huge glass and it began to crack after a while.  The more it cracked the more it came out until it finally just shattered.  I began to HATE it there.  I began to HATE my wife's pastor and his wife.  I felt like I was robbed of what I once had.  But STILL I tried to convince myself it was MY FAULT.  Then I finally realized that even if it is my fault there's nothing there for my step-kids.  So I found a new Church.

This Church has something for all of us and is our new home Church.  After attending there my wife's pastor contacted her and said I manipulated her into leaving her calling and that he was upset she seeked advice from another pastor. We also seeked advice from him but he didn't listen to us.  He sat in our living room and talked for 2 hours straight without even taking consideration to what was going on in our lives.  I was very upset and didn't want her involved with these people at all. 

Earlier God told me he would take care of it, and I just should have trusted him.  The ministry will stop doing Sunday services this coming January.  The problem is that these people (the pastor and his wife) still have an uncomfortable hold over some people in their ministry.  These people are calling my wife and complaining and they are SO lost because of these 2.  I feel like I should do or say something, but I don't know if it's out of anger or righteousness.  Also, should I be concerned with my wife's continued involvement with these people even if it's minor?

Anger, Stress

There's a recovery group around here known as "Saturday Nighters."  They are an extremest group of people who go as far as convincing sick people to stop taking meds which has resulted in suicides.  They tell people to sell their cars, their houses, or anything that might remind them of drugs.  If you did drugs 10 years ago in the house you live in and you convert to their group, they will aggressively hound you to sell it just to show their way is the way.

This group is one of just a few that almost tore my family apart when I lived with my parents as my dad is involved with recovery.  My mother even seriously considered suicide once because of issues that arised because of groups like this in the house.  Ready for this?

In order to save some confusion I'll use first names here...
My wife's name is Jessica, and her friends name is Kristy.  Kristy is the one who introduced me to Jessica.  Kristy recently married a Saturday Nighter.  What are the odds?  When Jess and I got married Kristy was the maid of honor.  On the night she was supposed to be helping decorate for our wedding guess where she was?  She was planning her wedding out which would not happen for another 7 months.  She could have found a better time to do this.  I didn't make a big deal out of this at all.  Kristy also neglected a few other duties and people at the wedding even said she was very selfish.

Then Kristy's wedding came up.  She gave my wife a TON of responsibility.  Kristy had 2 bridal showers, "team meetings" for her wedding party for months leading up to the wedding, and by the time it had ended Jess had spent over $200.00 and offered sacrificed a ridiculous amount of time helping out with this thing.  Worst of all, Kristy had my wife paired up with a Saturday Nighter.  Now not only was I dealing with all of the anger, stress and anxiety of the present... but also the past.

About this time I snapped... I mean SNAPPED!  I told my wife and also them that if that guy touched my wife I would kill him.  I said a lot of words I shouldn't and I almost did some things I would be in prison for today.  I lost sleep night after night and I could barely eat.  My insides felt like they wanted to jump out of my skin.  Finally they agreed that my wife would not dance with him.  My wife (knowing she didn't have to) at the last minute decides she wants to anyway and figured she'd just leave me.  When I found out not only did I have to deal with the fact that she was arm and arm with somebody who belongs to a group that almost tore my family apart, but she also lied to me.

It took a lot of work, but I was almost back on my feet.  Months later my dad lashed out at the Saturday Night group calling them out on their extremest ways.  Kristy's husband responded with a few others by cussing at my father and giving him the finger.  My dad is about 120 lbs and 50 years old.  Of course this upset me.  Shortly after Kristy's husband asked my wife to speak at a Saturday Nighter meeting.  Of course she agreed because she "didn't know it would upset me."

After back and forth fights resulting in me losing my temper to the point of punching through walls... I finally agreed to have her do the meeting after she had promised me multiple times she would NEVER associate with Saturday Nighters again.  That day I called Kristy's husband's cell phone (which he challenged me to do at an earlier time stating he would come after me) and I challenged him to do just that.  I told him after this meeting he better "      " and I just lost it.

The Results

Today my main regret is knowing that I fell so much after coming to Christ.  Even today God is showing me that he's still in my life and providing in incredible ways.  I love Him, and I want to serve Him better than I have been.  I don't want to be built up by the power of the Holy Spirit only to turn around and slap Him in the face.  No doubt, I want these groups of people to stay out of my life.  But I want to do it in a way God would approve of and a way that would even give Him glory.  I believe part of this will require a sincere amount of obedience on behalf of my wife, but she is very rebellious which often triggers my now seemingly uncontrollable temper.  Can anyone relate to this, and if so.. what advice can you offer?

Thanks for the read, and God bless.

« Last Edit: November 12, 2006, 02:54:12 PM by Pastor Roger » Logged
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« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2006, 03:03:29 PM »

Hi Kenny,

Such things are indeed hard. The devil is always trying to attack us in our weakest spots and we must be continually on guard not to let him have his way with us. I have not experienced anything similar to what you are going through but I have seen similar situations happen to others. I can't really give you any advice on how to handle the situation other than to tell you to find someone locally there that you can trust for counselling. Attempt to get your wife to go with you as it is important for both of you.

I will keep you, your family and this situation in prayer.


Joh 9:4  I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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