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Author Topic: I would appreciate any advive or counsel about this.  (Read 3132 times)
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« on: September 17, 2003, 03:26:53 PM »

This is kinda long so please bear with me. About 6 years ago, this christian girl and I started dating & about 8 months ago we got engaged. Recently she broke up with me for reasons I still don't know. My best friend of about fifteen years pretty much stole her from me! We both met her at the same time 6 years ago and we competed for her to be her boyfriend. I won her heart and he has always been jealous even though we have remained good friends. They were also friends while we were dating and now I know that he was always pursuing her in a way because he is selfish. She did not realize it and neither did I(I thought he was over it, boy was I wrong!) She has been working at this school in our church for the past 3 years. About a year ago, him and his mother started working there(his mother is a gossip and nosey). My fiance started getting close to his mom, which I new was a bad idea and she got closer to him too. His mother started telling her that she shouldn't be with me because of whatever reasons and that she should be with him instead. She allowed these people to get in her head and she broke up with me. She said it was for all the other reasons, but I think this is the primary reason. Anyway, it has not even been a month yet and she is with him! How could he do this to me? He is soooo selfish. And how could she give up our future together for him. She told me that she didn't think it was God's will for us to be together and that she wasn't in love with me anymore after 6 years and an engagement. She was totally not herself when she told me all this, I KNOW it wasn't her! It was like she was possessed or on drugs or something. I believe that God allowed this to happen but I don't think that he caused it because the Bible says that God is not the author of confusion. We had each put so much time and money and made sacrifices for our future together. I love her with all my heart. I have gotten closer to God in all this probably than I have ever been and He has been working greatly in my life, but still I am heart broken. Any advice or counsel would be appreciated! Thanks, Matt.
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« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2003, 03:46:19 AM »

Hey Matt!

Welcome!  As for your current dilema...

I am the man who has seen affliction
   under the rod of his wrath;
he has driven and brought me
   into darkness without any light;
surely against me he turns his hand
   again and again the whole day long.
He has made my flesh and my skin waste away;
   he has broken my bones;
he has besieged and enveloped me
   with bitterness and tribulation;
he has made me dwell in darkness
   like the dead of long ago.
He has walled me about so that I cannot escape;
   he has made my chains heavy;
though I call and cry for help,
   he shuts out my prayer;
he has blocked my ways with blocks of stones;
   he has made my paths crooked.
He is a bear lying in wait for me,
   a lion in hiding;
he turned aside my steps and tore me to pieces;
   he has made me desolate;
he bent his bow and set me
   as a target for his arrow.
He drove into my kidneys
   the arrows of his quiver;
I have become the laughingstock of all peoples,
   the object of their taunts all day long.
He has filled me with bitterness;
   he has sated me with wormwood.
He has made my teeth grind on gravel,
   and made me cower in ashes;
my soul is bereft of peace;
   I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, "My endurance has perished;
   so has my hope from the LORD."
Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
   the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
   and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
   and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
   his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
   "therefore I will hope in him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
   to the soul who seeks him

Lamentations 3:1-25

These things are very hard to come by and even get through.  But there is one question that you must ask yourself, "Is God faithful?"  If He is, then this has come into your life by His sovereign leading.  Why?  You yourself said that you've grown closer to Him as a result.  Perhaps that is why.  Perhaps she isn't the girl that He has for you.  Perhaps God, in His plan, has someone far better.

I once thought similarly to you, though I was not engaged.  But I had this girl who was the absolute greatest.  She was godly, she was pretty, she liked me - all the things I looked for in a woman!  Yet she put me aside.  I was crushed.  It was about 2 years later that I got back in touch with the woman who would one day be my wife.  She was godly, beautiful, and liked me!  What's more, she's completed me in ways that I'm certain the other girl could not have.  God knew what He was doing.  How can I be so certain?  Because in the first few months of dating her, I came to the realization that I was lost.  I got saved - which was something I believe came from getting into a relationship with her.  Furthermore, about 3 years ago - she got saved after coming to a similar realization!  We both came to know Christ as Lord and Savior through our relationship.  Now, God could have brought each of us to Himself without this relationship, but He did use the relationship to accomplish His goal.  We now have 2 daughters, one 5 and one 2.  Our 5 year old just came to the saving knowledge of Christ!  Now, had you told me on the night I got dumped that God had better things in store for me, I'd have laughed in your face.  It hurt too much.  Yet in retrospect, He did have much greater blessings in store for me.

How can this help?  Another, "it worked out for me" story?  No.  Rather, realize now that God is faithfully working out many things in your life according to His sovereign plan.  Rest in His faithfulness.  Take hope in His love.  And know that He is at work in this situation, as He is in all others you have, are, and will encounter.

God bless!

"that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death"
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« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2003, 04:35:21 PM »

There really isnít anything you CAN do. You lost her. You CAN try to fight for her if you want, but it would make all your lives a living hell. I know how it can be when she has close friends and/or family against you. The only thing I learned is to tread lightly. Things happen, that is the way life is. You just have to pick your self up and move on. Sorry, bro, but there really isnít much you can do. It will be hard, but donít be bitter and spiteful toward them. Try to forgive. If they bring it up, tell them how you feel (like it is any secret), but try to forgive them. The malice will only hold you down in the end. Live, learn, and move on. We will keep you in our prayers, for sure.

Was there ever a time when Common sence was common?
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« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2003, 07:45:19 AM »


I greet you in His matchless name,

I sympathize with you. And my heart goes out to you. Love is a hard thing to get over, especially a love that was torn from us by matters we don't understand. But have heart! God said, "For I have thought it, it will come to pass". That is wonderful news! Yes, better to have love and lost than never loved at all, but how it hurts! There are so many empty platitudes. "Buck up, it isn't the end of the world!" "God has a plan!" "God has the right one for you."

Hollow and empty to a broken heart. But, it is true. God has an ultimate plan. We finite beings cannot absorb what the Maker has chosen for us. We often see the negative side, the loss, the hurt. Why me?! What bearing does this season of life hold for my future?! Oh God, oh God! Yes, Oh God! You have given me a chance to share a love. You have had it taken away. He giveth and taketh away, thus is the power and glory of Christ! Thank you for the ups and downs. Even in dispair I praise your Holy name! For you are my provider. You are my hope, my strength, my love! You shall not abandon me, even though I may wrong you, slander you, forsake you, You shall be there as a father for a wayward son. You shall comfort me in times of crises. You shall fill me with an abundant spring when I thirst. Your love shall carry me for all times. Your love is not undying nor forsaking.

Yes, Matt, cry out to the Lord for thankfulness of His faithful love! Rest assured his love for you will not wilt like a seasonal flower. Rejoice He has your intrest well at heart. He hears your cries for love. He knows the comfort you seek. And yes, Matt, as he loves us, He too knows we crave human companionship. For, "it is not good man should be alone." And God created man a mate. The love the Father shows us encompasses us. It seeks out a soul mate for you to love and worship Him with. He will fulfill you prayers of love. First through Himself, then through a mortal companion.

I too, know first hand of love gone awry. I loved a young woman with my heart. Saw us married. We were together for two years. Foolishly, I sought out "my" love. I allowed her to see other people while seeing me, just as long as I could get a few minutes with her. A christian woman, but not without scrupuls. I begain distraught when we finally parted ways. I kept in touch, praying, hoping God would lead me back to her. And yet, even if I could capture her heart, I would not have found the wife I did marry. My wife is and was "God's" love. She is two-fold. God's love for me, providing me wife a selfless woman with a servant's heart. And God's love for me personally, magnified greatly through a woman He chose for me.

No man, Matt, can tell you to wait it out. To see how it unfolds. That it will all work out. No man can tell you another will be along, or that your former love will come back in time. All any man can do is strengthen you, encourage you to rejoice in God's faith and love. Pray with you that you will seek His love first and foremost. He will provide!

And now Matt, as I leave you, I pray...
"May God shine upon your heart. Strengthen where you are weak. May the Lord hold you tight in his arms as only a true love can. May God hold you upright and steadfast. Give you cheer instead of sorrow. Lord I pray you grant all these things on Matt. Lord, may Matt seek you out gather your love, rejoice that you shall never leave him. Give this man hope in you. Pour out your love on him and allow him to grow in the love you provide Him. I ask you ease his troubled and aching heart. I pray you will lead Matt on the path of righteousness and love. I pray you lead him on the path you have chosen for him and encrouage, strengthen him to see that you are his love, his way, his life. For you are the Maker of all love. You are love defined. For you are patient, hopeful; you hold no envy, your true love is blind. I pray all this in your matchless and full loving name, Amen."

In His Grace and Eternal Love,

Rev. Cal Wiggins
« Last Edit: September 23, 2003, 07:59:19 AM by preach » Logged

Matthew 18:1-4
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« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2003, 02:33:54 PM »

whatch GODs plan for you unfold as she was not the one for,i beleive you will realize this when you do find the right one.

Psalm 118:8  1 John 4:1-3
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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2003, 09:24:40 AM »

thats, very sad to hear. I think that if she does not think that you are the one for her then there is nothing much you can do. I think that you as a man - need to understand that she needs to want you because you are special. There will never be another man like you - ever. Its her loss not yours if she does not want to be with you. You are a son of God. So look to God and he will bring you out of this.

Bless you,


My sword had drunk its fill in the heavens.
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« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2004, 09:49:06 PM »


I would advise you to consider this:

If you really COULD win her back, could you trust her to remain faithful to you?  How long before someone else wins her attention/affection?

This is the world's style of relationships:  one can only be true until someone younger, cuter, smarter, richer of more athletic comes along and takes him/her away... Competition: Phoooey!  everybody loses!  

God's intention is for you to meet one of His daughters who will be faithful to GOD in her behavior and performance in the courtship and marriage, JUST AS you will be faithful to GOD in your behavior, comments and actions during the courtship and marriage.  If she is faithful to God in all and If you are faithful to God in all, the relationship will work out quite well...   Smiley

Faithfulness, Friendship and Trust are three of God's best foundation materials for a wonderful marriage relationship.  Romance will ebb and flow, come and go, but these can continue to increase forever...

Remember that as you serve Christ, you will get closer to God in relationship and closer to the physical location where HE wishes you to be (include job, home, hobbies etc. in the list of things He wishes you to do!)  in the same manner, as your future female gets closer to Christ, she will get closer to HIM both in relationship and in her physical world.  guess what happens when you both get closer to the same Person?  picture a triangle with two sides diminishing...  If you seek HIS will and ways, He will add all that you need..., including companionship...

Have a nice day!!!
The PawnRaider
Keep looking up, Jesus is Coming.
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« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2004, 11:15:47 PM »

I guarantee I've felt your pain.  
My advice - never, ever, EVER talk a woman into marrying you who doesn't really want to.
Experience speaking here - now 21 years with a woman who didn't want to marry me in the first place - but I talked her into it.  Bad mistake that I must live with.

This isn't the Godliest of answers - but one time Ann Landers said "Sometimes it is better to be loney than to wish you were."

Dude - life is short, eternity long.  You may never feel pain as bad a you are feeling now - but it WILL pass.  (Don't do anything "dumb".  Think - "What would Jesus have me do?")

Covering your tracks is futile; God knows where you're going and where you've been.
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« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2004, 11:29:16 PM »

I guarantee I've felt your pain.  
My advice - never, ever, EVER talk a woman into marrying you who doesn't really want to.
Good advice.

"You shall know the truth, the truth shall set you free.

Christ doesn't need lies or censorship.
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« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2004, 07:18:00 PM »

Hey bro:

A couple of additional comments:

1) Sometimes we find ourselves in tough situations where NO ONE appears to have violated any of the 10 commandments and no one appears to have sinned...  If the young lady discovered that her affections for the "other man" were stronger and more enduring that her feelings for your, she may have made the Godly decision to break off the engagement to you.    (Just a thought!)  If this is so, do not bear them any ill will, because she may have prevented a much more serious betrayal after the marriage!!!  However, the why's and wherefore's do not really matter anymore:  Your primary task now is to work with Jesus to begin and complete the healing process.  

2) Those of us who are walking through life With Christ find out that we are beset by many of the same problems the rest of our culture are going through.  We are not promised deliverance from the problems (interpreted: no problems), we are promised that He will accompany us through them.  Sometimes the only appropriate comment that I can make to my own difficulties is: "life is tough, thank you Jesus for carrying me through this...!"

3) You are most definitely NOT alone.  Christ has promised to accompany you everywhere you go.  He has also promised His HOLY SPIRIT to remain with you, to comfort & guide you...


Have a nice day!!!
The PawnRaider
Keep looking up, Jesus is Coming.
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