A friend who's dying

[Heidi]

I have a friend who's dying of cancer and i need advice on what to say to her. I feel like she's using God to heal her instead of praying for His will for her. She's saying that it is His will that she live but I feel that she needs to surrender to His will so that He can work in her life. This is a very important issue for me. I've prayed earnestly about it and the spirit tells me to ask her to surrender. I'd like to hear what others think about this.

[Whitehorse]

That is a very good question. I think everyone has their own style, but what works for me is just to listen and ask questions. Mostly that's what I find my grieving friends need to do anyway. They just need to talk.

As for God's will for her-who knows. Right now she's dying and needs to hang onto hope that she will be healed because her situation is so dire, and God does reward faith. Maybe God has revealed this to her and she's reflecting the faith that she will receive what she asked for. We do have a promise for that in the Bible, too.

On the other hand, if lack of surrender is the issue God is addressing in her life, it could be that she isn't that far in her faith to surrender it to God's will. It is no small challenge of faith to have her life on the line.

But either way, prayer is so very powerful. Just pray and let God work in her. And I'll lift both of you up in prayer, too. And then, if her situation grows worse where she knows she is dying and God isn't healing her, there is going to come a point when she'll see this and if God chooses to put her to this test, she may ask for some gentle encouragement to get her through the lessons she's learning. And who knows-maybe this is what God is trying to get her to do. But God will get her heart ready to do this when the time is right. But who knows. Maybe this is her hour of faith. She clearly has it and should be encouraged in it. Only God knows what He is really doing in her heart, so I'd strongly recommend letting nature run its course and just listening to her. Prayer and listening are the best things you can give her.

[Symphony]

Just do what you can to be a friend to her...

[Heidi]

Thanks so much for your thoughtful answers. I haven't talked about letting go for 4 years since she was diagnosed. This brings up a question about prayer. When Jesus taught us how to pray, He taught us to say "Thy will be done." I really believe Jesus wants us to ask for what we want, but surrender to God's will.

Now, she seems frantic about trying to get healed. She seems to have the attitude that she's entitled to live rather than seeing life as a gift. Although, I can't completely identify with her, I can understand her fear and anger. I get the feeling she values her earthly life more than eternal life. Now, she's putting her faith in some healers rather than in God. She doesn't see that if she really believes it's God's will to heal her, why not surrender to Him?

But i think you're right, Whitehorse. If she is being called by God then He will give her what she needs. If she isn't, there's nothing anybody can do about her situation. She's now furious with me because I suggested she let go of it to God. We may never talk to each other again. I'll continue praying for her. Thanks for all your prayers, guys.

[Symphony]

If she isn't, there's nothing anybody can do about her situation. She's now furious with me because I suggested she let go of it to God. We may never talk to each other again.

Sounds like those four or five "stages" we go through, when dealing with this kind of thing--denial, anger, withdrawal(I can't remember what they are).

The admonitions in scripture from Jesus and Paul  are that we are to lead a life of suffering--that's in the best of circumstances.  If I'm suffering, news of my impending death is no big deal--and even welcome news if my suffering is for His Name...

I should be welcoming whatever difficulties are coming my way...

Maybe you can be there if she needs you, as she is probably "dealing" with this.  

I know of one believer lady who suffered much in just her daily ordeals of trying to make a living, getting to work, etc.  She discovered cancer, was gone in a few weeks.  She died happy as a clam.

Our only true happiness is only in Him.  

But it takes us a while to see that.  And it's different when I have to actually "walk the talk".

(In Jesus' Name...)

[Heidi]

That was a very wise response, Symphony. And that is what I'm hoping for her, that she'll die, happy as a clam. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening. I certainly could be wrong and I fervently hope I am. But her desire to hang onto life seems more important to her than her desire for God. I want so much for her to give all of her anger and grief to God, but so far she hasn't. It could be that God is trying to get her to the point where she is doing this, I don't know. All I know is that there is nothing more I can do for her except to pray. I guess i have to deal with my own helplessness. Thanks again for your kind thoughts and prayers.

[Whitehorse]

That is a difficult dilemma. I'll pray for her, too.

[Royo]

I too will be praying for both her and you, Heidi.
When my best friend in life, my Mom, was ill and dying, I just prayed that God would either heal her or take her home. He took her home. But He showed me in a dream that she was now full of joy and no longer suffering.
Just give it to Him in prayer, and the rest is up to Him.
And bless you for being there for her.
Yours in Christ.  Roy.

[Heidi]

Thanks, Royo. I guess what makes me mad is these faith healers who tell people that it is God's will for them to live and that the only thing that's going to let them die is a lack of fatih. If it was God's will that we all live then we would all live forever. These are the people she's hanging on to. Meanwhile she's full of denial, bitterness and unforgiveness. We are such sinners! The world is full of well-meaning people who think they know God's will. That's why I really dread going to church. There are so many messages being preached that are not biblical. All I want to do is take communion, worship Christ, confess my sins and interact with believers who are seeking the truth. Thanks again for all your prayers.