I was wondering whether you could pray for me. I'm not sure whether I've got any faith at all, sometimes I believe and sometimes I just can't, however much I want to.
I'm suffering from clinical depression, having to take lots of medications which aren't working, and I've been self-injuring for some years now too. Could you please pray for strength for me? Its all getting too much for me.
Broken,
I am sorry that I hadn't read this sooner. This is going to be a difficult post for me, cause I'm going to share with you the hurts that have caused me to be self abusive as well. I don't usually share to much, the fact that I am living ubove those things,shame, and mistrust all play a part.
You've open up and shared a deep need. I've not read any others responses to you so this will repeat probably. But I want this to be of God so......
Self harm can be cause by your depression, depression can be caused by deep hurts and the lack of control you feel from past hurts. So what ever caused this, its a way of controling your own pain, its like I've been hurt by others,,,, but NOW I'm in control and they aren't..... my past hurts were caused by physical, emotional, and sex abuse by family and step family members. It all began at such an early age for me that I can't remember a time when it did exist. But I do recall the age I was when I realized it wasn't "normal" and I begin to fight back, so you can imagine the wars I had as a 12 yr old, with my step uncle, and step dad. The Lord was with me or I'd be dead for sure. There is a greater calling on our lives friend.....do you know and believe that?
Its hard to believe that ANYONE would want to love or care for us. Let alone die for us. WHAT had I ever done to deserve Jesus, and all that. I was worthless, hated myself, full of fear (I still battle that). Felt responsilbe, hearing the constant words this is your fault, you caused it......I suppose it is a brain washing tech from my abusers, but I was doing it to myself as well.
Its like 2 voices in your head, your no good, and yes you are good. The cartoon of the little devil on one shoulder, and the angel on the other is how I describe this. Stress doesn't help, day to day situations that are beyond your control.....there a lot of "good" excuses too. The best way I can handle this is not allow myself any self pity. That is hard, dont let myself go there, in my head so to speak. And keep myself busy when those times come up. PRAY even when you feel worthless, and not even sure your being heard. DON'T be alone, that seesm to bring it all the the forefront. SO maybe you can go for a walk, start a good book, go to the gym, something that is a diversion for you. Have a little vicotry party when you able to maintain a few days, then a few more days, until you find yourself free of that self inflicted misery of guilt. And if you break over then forgive yourself and begin again. With day one, or hour one, how ever you have to do, DON"T let the devil have any fun tempting you, cause once he sees you gaining victory then something comes up and old habits die hard, and most def don't let him have any glory when you aren't able, if you stumble and fall forgive yourself.....make yourself if you have to PRAY, begin again.
Medication? DO you take any? I have anti depressants to take, you have to take them. God has given us wise men and women to help with medication. so Don't feel like its a cope out......been there and done that too. Do you have someone to talk to, Pastor, Doc, Therapist? I attend group, and do some one on one therapys session. I find that after a while in group I want to help others.....and that is WAY more theraputic for me. Instead of self harm I set up my own boundaries, begin to gain control over myself and in the process I've helped someone esle. And made a friend.....I've been such a loner all my life, (why I can get into my computer emails and such) so its nice to have new face to face friends, and they know they same kind of pain.
Set yourself an goal, one that can BE DONE no matter what, then set a little harder one.....
I could go on for ever here, so I'll say this, YOU ARE in my prays, let me know if I can help in anyway. EMAIL or le me know I do have msn messanger, just never on, but if you need me I'll be there, or other support groups, get a hot line number from you local mental health dept. There are many resources out there. I am HEAR for you, your my in prayer
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