Jest for laughs

[Willowbirch]

Symphony posted a thread on the bonebox that supposedly belonged to Jesus' brother.

I asked what kind of bone it was made of.

I am going to vote.

I looked in the fridge this morning and found an old package of Brie cheese that expired last month.

I opened the package.

I am going to vote

[nChrist]

Steven Wright........

I tried to unlock the house with the car key. It started up, so I drove it around the block.

I am going to vote.

[Shylynne]

You all are putting me in stitches!!!!!!!

[Shylynne]

We offer you TONTO for President


An Indian walks  into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.  He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure chief,  coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian  drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the  shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.  

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one  hand  pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and  says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!  We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about,  anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for presidential position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for  others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

[nChrist]

[sincereheart]

I looked in the fridge this morning and found an old package of Brie cheese that expired last month.

I opened the package.

I am going to vote

But did you eat it?  

[Shylynne]

why, would that get her two votes?

[sincereheart]

why, would that get her two votes?

Probably would mean that she'd get no vote! Being hospitalized for food poisoning on election day can do that to a person!  

[Willowbirch]

why, would that get her two votes?

[sincereheart]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care.

My car was parked around the corner and this one had an "Elect John Kerry" bumper sticker on it.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at our age.

[Brother Love]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care.

My car was parked around the corner and this one had an "Elect John Kerry" bumper sticker on it.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at our age.

   

LOVE IT

++++++++++++++++++


Isn’t today a good day...


By placing our faith in Christ’s shed blood and nothing else, we can have eternal life.  Isn’t today a good day to place your faith in Christ?  There will never be a better time.  In fact, there is no guarantee of another day. Trust Christ today.  

[Shammu]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care.

My car was parked around the corner and this one had an "Elect John Kerry" bumper sticker on it.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at our age.

[size=12]ROFL!![/size]
Now thats funny, wonder why I didn't think of something like that!

[sincereheart]

Sure makes me look forward to retirement, cause I was really dreading the whole golf thing!  

[Shammu]

Bumping out of empty space.

[Shylynne]

OUCH!  watch it with that cane mister