Discussion For Christian Parents

[nChrist]

Brothers and Sisters,

What do you think Christian parents should do in the raising of their children?

I know this is a huge topic, but I thought it would be interesting to get a variety of opinions regarding activities, example, rules, discipline, education, and a host of other issues.

I'm really talking about raising children from the earliest age in JESUS, but issues about older children are also critical and welcome.

I really think this is one of the most difficult topics of Christian families today, so please join in. I want to add that the young adults on the forum are most welcome to join in.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Isaiah 9:6  For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

[cris]

Brothers and Sisters,

What do you think Christian parents should do in the raising of their children?

I know this is a huge topic, but I thought it would be interesting to get a variety of opinions regarding activities, example, rules, discipline, education, and a host of other issues.

I'm really talking about raising children from the earliest age in JESUS, but issues about older children are also critical and welcome.

I really think this is one of the most difficult topics of Christian families today, so please join in. I want to add that the young adults on the forum are most welcome to join in.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Isaiah 9:6  For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

BEP,

This is indeed a huge subject.

1.    People should learn what it means to be a parent long
       before that time comes.  Coming from a devout Christian
       home is the best start.  If not, then it's going to be a job
       unlike any other, and difficult 'cause there are no
       guarantees.

2.     Structure is absolutely necessary.  Organization in all
        areas is vital.  These create character, not disorder.

3.     Put yourself in the shoes of your child.  This is the best  
        one.  If you're able to do that, well then, success
        might be the outcome. Being a parent is much like  
        mortifying the flesh daily. You sacrifice your own life
        so that your child will grow in the love of God.
        Hopefully, they will grow up and raise that same kind
        of family.  It's your emmulation of what Jesus is
        like.

Obviously, this is idealistic, but it's what we should aim for because we always fall short.

Consequences for inappropriate behavior should be followed through, ie. disclipline (always with love as the motive).
God needs to be the focus in every family, in activities, education, etc.  We, as parents and a nation, need to get back to developing character.  Character IS everything.  It's the lack of character that's causing the problems we have today.  

I could say so much more here on this subject but I'll spare both of us.

Grace and peace,
cris


 
 

[nChrist]

Sister Chris,

I'm hoping that we get more input here, but I'll list a few basics that I think are important:

Prayer before every meal.

Involve even the little ones in prayer and explain why we pray.

Do as I do - not do as I say. This would obviously include language, habits, church, etc., etc.

Start reading Bible stories to them when they are very young. If they are old enough to read to them, they are old enough for children's Bible stories.

Keep the garbage out of your house (i.e. television, music, magazines, games, etc.).

Have family meals together and talk about the things of the Lord.

Regular family devotions are great - not just one day a week at Church.

Consistent teaching of consequences for bad behavior from the earliest age - not in anger, but in Christian love. There's a lot of different opinions on this one, but I believe firmly in REASONABLE corporal punishment.

There's much more, but I'm almost sure to have some disagreement with at least one of the above.

Love In Christ,
Tom

John 17:17  Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

[cris]

Sister cris, eh....................sighing .


BEP,

More input would be great..................I agree.

You actually detailed my "structure" point.  Most of the things you mentioned were in my mind when I mentioned "structure."

You also agreed with me on the issue of consistent disclipline done (with the correct motive) with love.

Spankings...................I'm not sure on this one yet.  I used to believe that this was what "spare the rod, spoil the child" meant.  I'm not so sure anymore as a "rod" does not necessarily have to be a hand or stick or whatever.  I was discliplined with my mother's hand on my behind several times as a child.  I very well remember how I felt about that.  It didn't endear me to her, that's why I'm not sure if this way of disciplining is correct.  It made me feel angry and I don't think that's a good thing.  Paying real close attention to ones children should enable one to "know" what kind of discipline is the best for each child.  What works for one does not necessarily work for the other.  Hence, my #3, putting self in child's shoes.

The bottom line is that all of home life should be focused on God.  This can be done without being fanatical or being called a fanatic.  Actually, it's just good clean living and being accountable to a higher power, in our case, God.

Ref. garbage, etc.  Problem here is that our children do not stay under our wings 24/7.  They're influenced by the things outside the home, schools, newsstands, friends, etc.  The only thing we can do is to bring them up in the way they should go, then, if they depart from the faith, when they are old, they shall return.  That's somewhere in the bible but I don't know exactly where.

BEP, first and foremost, it takes 2 very mature and Godly people to effect any of the above.  I think many marriages today start with lust and not love.  From very early on I wish children could be taught that love is a choice, not something they necessarily feel.  It really needs to be etched in their minds from early on.

OK.........I'm finished.

Grace and peace,
cris

[M]

I remember once having a discussion with a group of young mothers about what values and qualities they would like to teach their children.  A Christian parent's list might be like this:  1.   faith in God    2.  Obedience   3.  compassion for others    4.  honesty

The young mothers (many of them unwed and not Christians) had a list that was topped off with 1.  independency or 2. self-reliance.

Most of them would never admit to spanking or striking their child because of fear from intervention from authorities.  Most of them were trying to escape domestic violence themselves.  Likely they did strike their children in angry but would never admit it to anyone else.  

They particularly found obedience to be a unneccessary or "stupid" virtue.   Obedience to parents, teachers and God is all good but their rebellious nature could not see this.

Some people do not understand that disciplining a child involves guiding a child to make the correct decisions, teaching them to control their anger and actions in an emotional response,  teaching them to take responsiblity for their actions or face the consequences.  Setting out reasonable expectations for a child, giving them responsibilities, setting consistent rules and consistent consequences when rules of broken.  When rules are broken there are reasonable punishments such as removal of priveledges or spankings.  They just understand that "spare the rod, spoil the child" means when you are angry at your kid, hit them.  Satan is always trying to pervert scripture.  

The scripture Proverbs 13:24 actually says "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."    The Hebrew word for rod (shebet) is referring to a branch of a tree, a stick that could be used for walking.  I like to think of it as a shepherd's staff.  I do not get the image of a shepherd spanking a lamb with his staff but gently guiding and protecting the lamb from danger.  Sheep can learn to obey the shepherd and will suffer consequences when they do not.  Children are much more willful and clever than sheep.  Chastise, the Hebrew, is a word to correct with blows or words.  My concordance does not show what the Hebrew word is in this scripture so I am not clear.  

[nChrist]

Good Points Chris and M!

M, you spoke volumes about one of the biggest problems we have these days, broken homes and single parents. I think you also gave  description of liberal philosophies that are obviously the primary agent for erosion of morals, values, and ethics in our society.

As a Christian police officer for 25 years, I am obviously biased in many ways. I got to see parental failure by Christians and non-Christians in so many ways that it was sickening. Prison was a positive result for many of them. At least they were still alive. I'm thinking of many who never made it to their 20th birthday and quite a few who met their end long before that. That's before we even start thinking about the many children who are born with drug addictions and other conditions related to substance abuse. In many cases, I actually got to witness the beginning and ending of several generations within many families in just 25 years. Seeing it up close and personal is enough to make the toughest cop cry.

I see parental neglect as being the biggest abuse of children. This, in fact, is much worse than all other crimes against children combined by sources inside AND outside the family. Children simply don't raise themselves to be anything other than an animal that society must lock up or bury. In terms of kindness for many children, it would be better to imprison them at birth.

In short, our society is in serious decline and is becoming more ugly and evil by the minute. Regardless, Christians have a Biblical duty to their children that is very serious. BUT, I must be honest and clearly state that Christians are more than partly responsible  for the ugly and the evil. Those who remained silent over the last 50 years will get to see their children and grandchildren pay the price for their silence.

I've said enough for now. Let's hear someone else.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Romans 5:1-2  ASV  Being therefore justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; through whom also we have had our access by faith into this grace wherein we stand; and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.