CHRISTIAN JOKES/ NOT FOR PHARISEES

[Brother Love]

This one is still my FAVORITE:

Baptist/Catholic





John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.  Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic.

They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The
neighborhood men could not believe their noses!  WHAT WAS GOING ON?

They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying,  "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

Brother Love
 

[Shammu]

This one is still my FAVORITE:

Baptist/Catholic



John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.  Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic.

They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The
neighborhood men could not believe their noses!  WHAT WAS GOING ON?

They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying,  "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

Brother Love
 

[ollie]

A  woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for Christmas.

 

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

 

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

 

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this?

 

Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
 

 
       
 
 

[Brother Love]

A  woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for Christmas.

 

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

 

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

 

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this?

 

Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
 

 
       
 
 

Good one Ollie, thanks Bro

[cris]

A father reading a Bible story to his young children said, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"




Their little son was looking on as Mom and Dad decorated the Christmas tree.  The little son said, "last year everything was from Santa.  You guys didn't give me anything."

[Brother Love]

A father reading a Bible story to his young children said, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"




Their little son was looking on as Mom and Dad decorated the Christmas tree.  The little son said, "last year everything was from Santa.  You guys didn't give me anything."

Love Both of them, thanks for Posting

[Brother Love]

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."

"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."

"Terrific!" says St. Peter. "That's certainly worth a point."

"One point?!!" "I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."

"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.

"Two points!?!!" Exasperated, the man cries. "At this rate
the only way I'll get into heaven is by the grace of God."

"Bingo, 100 points! Come on in!"

[Symphony]

A  woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for Christmas.

 

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

 

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

 

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this?

 

Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
 

   

[Symphony]

WHAT ABOUT METHODIST, OLLIE??    


     


A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and hispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"


   

[ollie]

WHAT ABOUT METHODIST, OLLIE??    


     


A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and hispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"


   

"WHAT ABOUT METHODIST, OLLIE??"

Hmmmmm!  Good question. I have no answer for it. Sorry.

ollie

[Brother Love]

WHAT ABOUT METHODIST, OLLIE??    


     


A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and hispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"


   

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in the religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."