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Shammu
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« Reply #465 on: July 06, 2004, 04:25:15 AM » |
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Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me?
You have a broken finger!
Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits!
What, you mean those square ones?
Yes!
The ones you put butter on?
Yes!
Oh, You're Crackers!
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops.
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains
Well pull yourself together then
Doctor, Doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake
Sleep in another room then!
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Shammu
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« Reply #466 on: July 06, 2004, 04:26:42 AM » |
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Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a bullet
Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!
Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen
Well sit down and write your name!
Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible.
Yes I can see you're not all there!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog
What's wrong with that
I think I'm going to croak
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire.
Necks please!
Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!
Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift!
Well tell her to come in
I can't she doesn't stop at this floor!
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Shammu
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« Reply #467 on: July 06, 2004, 04:26:59 AM » |
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Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!
Doctor, Doctor I've had tummy ache since I ate three crabs yesterday.
Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells?
What do you mean "took them out of their shells!"
Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next please!
Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You're too tents.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor, Doctor I've a split personality
Well, you'd better both sit down then!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit
Will you get out of my hair!
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Shammu
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« Reply #468 on: July 06, 2004, 04:27:09 AM » |
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Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar
Don't worry you'll soon change!
Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of you!
Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet.
Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease!
Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish
Poor sole!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider
What a web of lies!
Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar!
Have you taken anything for it?
Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father
Never mind just so long as he's healthy!
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Shammu
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« Reply #469 on: July 06, 2004, 04:27:53 AM » |
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Doctor, Doctor I’ve lost my memory!
When did this happen?
When did what happen?
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band
Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there and tell me all about it!
Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar
I can't believe that!
Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in
What about a matchbox!
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one!
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth
Get out of the way, your in my light!
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Shammu
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« Reply #470 on: July 06, 2004, 04:28:08 AM » |
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Doctor, Doctor I feel like a dog!
Sit!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle.
I see your point!
Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad?
Well, I ouldn't start watching any new soap operas!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a telephone.
Well, take these pills and if they don't work then give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing.
I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!
Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show?
Absolutely nothing!
Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it?
Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
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Shammu
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« Reply #471 on: July 06, 2004, 04:29:22 AM » |
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Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm
How boring for you!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel
That's shocking!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python
You can't get round me just like that you know!
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nChrist
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« Reply #472 on: July 07, 2004, 01:47:10 AM » |
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Oklahoma Howdy to DreamWeaver,  Brother, thanks for the laughs. I don't even have groaners to reply with. My brothers, kids, and my wife usually keep me supplied with a few jokes, but the well must be dry now. Love In Christ, Tom |
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michael_legna
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« Reply #473 on: July 08, 2004, 03:35:41 PM » |
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Those were as funny as ...
...a flood in a fizzies factory
... a fire in a match factory
... a rubber crutch
... a screen door on a submarine
Anyone remember all these groaners from when we were kids?
Any of your younger ones even know what fizzies are?
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Matt 5:11 Blessed are ye when they shall revile you, and persecute you, and speak all that is evil against you, untruly, for my sake:
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Shammu
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« Reply #474 on: July 08, 2004, 05:26:24 PM » |
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Those were as funny as ...
...a flood in a fizzies factory
Anyone remember all these groaners from when we were kids?
Any of your younger ones even know what fizzies are?
That would have been something to see. A flood in a fizzies factory. Yes I know what fizzies were. |
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Brother Love
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« Reply #475 on: July 09, 2004, 06:41:06 AM » |
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Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a bullet
Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!
Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen
Well sit down and write your name!
Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible.
Yes I can see you're not all there!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog
What's wrong with that
I think I'm going to croak
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire.
Necks please!
Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!
Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift!
Well tell her to come in
I can't she doesn't stop at this floor!
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Shammu
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« Reply #476 on: July 12, 2004, 12:23:55 AM » |
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Since bep is a former cop.......... you might enjoy these groaners, bep. In March, A Krispy Kreme Doughnut truck was hijacked in Louisiana. The Police were in hot persuit, until the truck lost its load. The man who hijacked the truck was at large for three months. Q. How can you tell if a vampire has been in a bakery? A. All of the jelly has been taken out of the Jelly Doughnuts. |
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Shammu
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« Reply #477 on: July 12, 2004, 12:25:26 AM » |
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Visitor : "Knock knock?"
Worker: "Who's there?"
Visitor : "Doughnut Man."
Worker: "Doughnut Man who?"
Visitor : "For the last time, do not (doughnut) bother me with your useless 'Knock-Knock' jokes!"
Worker: "But you started it!"
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Shammu
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« Reply #478 on: July 12, 2004, 12:29:20 AM » |
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Now for a little bit "Lord of the Rings, jokes. "Trolls! Trolls!" - Pippin yelled. "No," - Frodo smiled. "You forgot your own history. Those three are made of stone and their names are Washington, Lincoln and Jefferson". The herald from Mordor promised Dain all 7 Rings, for his cooperation. 4 of the Rings he promised to pull back from the dragons. And if Dain refused, he would received those 4 rings, anyway.... _with_ the dragons..... Q. How many hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb? A. One hobbit and a large heap of Russian translations of The Lord of the Rings to help him reach the lamp. |
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Shammu
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« Reply #479 on: July 12, 2004, 12:30:31 AM » |
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How many hobbits does it take to change a light
bulb?
One to complain that the light bulb isn't working,
Five to hold a meeting to decide what to do about it,
Twenty to form an expedidtion to the fabled Lightbulb mines of
Mythrill,
Thirty to throw a going away party,
One to ask Gandalf for directions,
One to sell into slavery when the petty cash runs out,
Five to get lost through natural wastage (bandits, murderers, monsters etc),
One to thrown to the Dragon that guards the Lightbulb mine,
Two to carry the lightbulbs,
Five to find a large, sword-welding barbarian to escort the
lightbulbs home,
Thirty to throw a safe return party,
Five to find an elf tall enough to change the lightbulb,
Five to compose ballads of daring, heroism, sacrifice and
lightbulbs,
Finally another two-hundred to appear in the subsequent
Tolkien books.
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