NO BULL

[Ambassador4Christ]

A young private sought permission from his Commanding
Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see,"
he explained, "my wife's expecting."

"Oh," said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell
your wife that I wish her luck."

The following week the same soldier was back again with
the same explanation, "My wife's expecting."

The Officer looked surprised.
"Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must
be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend
off."

When the same soldier appeared again the third week,
however, the Officer lost his temper.
"Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

"Yes, sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."

"What in heaven is she expecting?" yelled the Officer.

"Me." said the soldier simply.

LOL  

[Symphony]

Do you know why the Lone Ranger always has to eat in the kitchen?



He's the *Lone* Ranger!

   
     

[Symphony]

Irish's original one here is still perfect:

A preacher said to the farmer,
"Do you belong to the Christian family ?"
"No", he said, " they live two farms down ".
"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"
"When is it ?"
"It could be today or tomorrow ".
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me
know. My wife will probably want to go both days !"

[Ambassador4Christ]

Do you know why the Lone Ranger always has to eat in the kitchen?



He's the *Lone* Ranger!

   
     

 

 

[Ambassador4Christ]

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

[Shylynne]

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

 

[Shylynne]

 After trying to start a conversation several
times and getting only distracted grunts Doug  asks Bill what
the problem is.

"Well," said Bill, "I ran afoul of one of those questions
women ask. Now Im in big trouble!"

"What kind of question?, asked Doug.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was
old, fat and ugly."

"Thats easy," said Doug. "You just say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah", said Bill, "Thats what I did, except I said
'Of course I DO....'"

[Shylynne]

What is an Oxymoron?

Definition: A rhetorical speech construct in which incongruous or contradictory terms or ideas are combined.

EXAMPLE: "Oxymoron" - Removing the Ten Commandments from the courthouse while making people in court swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God... while your hand is on the Bible.

 

[Shylynne]

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"