BULL

[Ambassador4Christ]

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible. (George Burns)  

[TigerLily]

ROFL.. thats a good one A4C... I'll have to show my dad that one.. hes a preacher hehe..

TL

[Ambassador4Christ]

ROFL.. thats a good one A4C... I'll have to show my dad that one.. hes a preacher hehe..

TL

tigerlily, I am sure your dad will like it  
P.S. 23 days and counting  

[IrishAngel]

almost 1000 views for BULL
not sure what this says about the lot of us  

[Forrest]

        Blue Star;
      Why did you change your Name from IrishAngle?

[Ambassador4Christ]

It was the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the new kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.

The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is mechanic."

Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject.

Later in the school yard, the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.

He blushed and said, "No, my dad raises money for the Democratic Party, but I was just too embarrassed to say it."

 

[Ambassador4Christ]

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on
a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would
like to play a fun game, but the blonde is tired and
just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines.
She rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and
a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't
know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the
blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end
to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the
distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse,
pulls out a $5, and hands it to the lawyer. "OK," says
the lawyer, "Your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three
legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer,
puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references, but no answer. He taps into the
air phone with his modem and searches the net and the
library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends
e-mails to all his friends and coworker, but to no
avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her
$500. The blonde says, "Thank you." and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a
little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what
goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with
four legs?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse,
hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep...

 

[TigerLily]

Why parents have grey hair


This is a telephone conversation between a child and the boss of one of the parents...
An employer, concerned with his best worker not showing up for work, decides to give him a call.
He dialed the employee home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster,
 the boss asked,
"Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice."May I talk with him?" the man asked.The small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,
the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should
be there watching over the child.

Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked,
may I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

What's going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed hushed
voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:
ME

[TigerLily]

ok ladies i know im going against my own sex here but this was just to funny not to post... ;DBuild Me a Bridge

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing's wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
 

TL

[Ambassador4Christ]

Why parents have grey hair


This is a telephone conversation between a child and the boss of one of the parents...
An employer, concerned with his best worker not showing up for work, decides to give him a call.
He dialed the employee home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster,
 the boss asked,
"Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice."May I talk with him?" the man asked.The small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,
the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should
be there watching over the child.

Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked,
may I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

What's going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed hushed
voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:
ME

You Get   Sister

[Ambassador4Christ]

There's a man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy costume company to explain the problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate".

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note, which says "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part".

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which says "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your butt and go as a caramel apple!"  

[TigerLily]

Well, i think i may have a stroke from laughing here.. hysterical...
 

[Forrest]

1.  Birds of a feather flock together and aim for
your car.

2.There's always a lot to be thankful for if you
take time to look for it.  For example I am sitting
here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3.  When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.  It makes
the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and
gag himself.

4.  When I can't be kind, I try to have the decency
to be vague.

5.  Don't assume malice for what stupidity can
explain.

6.  A penny saved is a government oversight.

7.  The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

8.  The older you get, the tougher it is to lose
weight, because by then your body and your
fat are really good friends.

9.  The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.

10.  He who hesitates is probably right.

11.  If you think there is good in everybody, you
haven't met everybody.

12.  If you can smile when things go wrong, you
have someone in mind to blame.

13.  The sole purpose of a child's middle name is
so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

14.  Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
"The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

[Ambassador4Christ]

Posted By prophecyjax1

     Bride of Christ & the Mid-Tribulation Rapture

Hello everyone, my name is Michael Hollner, a minister in Jacksonville, Fl. I just finished my book on the Rapture of the Church and the Bride of Christ. Before I send it to publishers, I should like to sharpen my sword a bit, and answer any questions regarding the timing of the Rapture. I want to give this book the acid test, the Word of God, and to satisfy any doubts that the Rapture will occur in the middle of the 7 year tribulation period.

We believe if it was important enough for the Apotle Paul to tell the Thessalonians about the timing, so do we.

With all due respect and humility, I honestly do challenge anyone to come up wih even one verse of scripture for a pre-tribultion Rature. After 20 years of research, we have concluded a mid-tribulation Rapture to be a "more sure word of prophecy."

My book is available for FREE viewing, even before it gets published, and any lettes of recommendation will be printed in the book, with your name and Church you attend.. Just email me at kjvbiblejax@aol.com, and I'll send you a free copy to critique. If you approve of the book, and send a nice letter of recommendaton, your letter, along with your name and Church will be in the forward of the book which is yet to be added.

If anyone has any questions regarding this great topic, please ask your questions, and I will respond. Let's do it all in a good spirit and be good Christians here.

I'll start it off with Acts 3:19-21 KJV. Jesus cannot come back to earth UNTIL the end-time Restoration takes place through God's two end-time prophets of Rev 11:3-13 and Elijah must also first come.


Michael Hollner
 
LOL  
 

[Paul2]

pppsssstttt....(whispering) Elijah is one of the two prophets of Revelation 11.

  (whispering in the voice of Foghorn Leghorn)
"The boy's to short....all the good ones go over his head"