Having Children...Feeling guilty about it.

[NateyCakes]

Lately, its bothered me more then usual. I'm really tired of some friends & even family members making me feel guilty about not wanting to have children. I am tired of the "you'll regret it" remarks or do it now before your too old, blah blah. Just seems like the pressure it on and I even had a so-called Christian tell me that God "Wants" me to have children that we all (Women) need to have a child to pretty much make the Lord pleased. I'm 26 years old. My husband is older then I and I often wonder about that as well. He is 42 years old. Am I wrong to say I just don't see children in my life at this point or in the next few months lets say. I know that I would make a lousy Mum right now. I like my freedom. Actually, I LOVE my freedom to be without children. Please don't get me wrong. I ADORE kids! I love being around them, but I just have absolutely no desire. I'm wondering what I should say to these people or what? Just have really gotten to me.  

**Hugs**
~Nateycakes

[Gracey]

Just seems like the pressure it on and I even had a so-called Christian tell me that God "Wants" me to have children that we all (Women) need to have a child to pretty much make the Lord pleased.

Is that so? Well.

If you've put your life in God's hands, then there's no need to worry about it, He's already pleased. God will give you a child if it's what He desires, whether you want it or not  .

Now, some will disagree with that, but from my own experiences, it sure does happen. My daughter and her husband were both using birth control, supposedly 99% sure,.... they have twins... and a second set of twins came later (although 1 was lost before the 4th month)..... Is it possible two birth control methods could fail at the same time? Twice? This is not the only instance I am aware of.

Well, I suppose some would say God had nothing to do with that, just "luck" and nature..... I don't believe in luck, I believe in God ordering our lives.

How do you suppose Sarah & Abraham would have handled that? Or Elizabeth, or even Mary? (yeah, I know Mary's story is different). But there are instances in the bible where God says "you'll have a child"....

While I don't necessarily (personally) agree with birth control, it is my firm belief that birth control or not, if God has a purpose in giving you a child, you'll have it.

As for your desire to not have a child, God does know the desires of our heart.

I guess, essentially, the thing is.... do you bow to God's will, or to your own? If you hand the situation over 100% to God and trust in Him, then that should be your reply. "When God is ready."

I like my freedom. Actually, I LOVE my freedom to be without children.

Yes, well, I too love my freedom without kids....although I did raise them first, lol.

Natey, what is your desire with respect to God? Would you follow His will for your life even if it wasn't what you wanted? If you can answer yes (honestly) to that question, then just leave it in His hands.

What you asked can be answered a lot of different ways, depending on where you are in your walk with Jesus. The way you feel now could change, yes even in a week, or a month, but it may be a few years, or it may be never.

Peace
Gracey

[sincereheart]

Lately, its bothered me more then usual. I'm really tired of some friends & even family members making me feel guilty about not wanting to have children. I am tired of the "you'll regret it" remarks or do it now before your too old, blah blah. Just seems like the pressure it on and I even had a so-called Christian tell me that God "Wants" me to have children that we all (Women) need to have a child to pretty much make the Lord pleased. I'm 26 years old. My husband is older then I and I often wonder about that as well. He is 42 years old. Am I wrong to say I just don't see children in my life at this point or in the next few months lets say. I know that I would make a lousy Mum right now. I like my freedom. Actually, I LOVE my freedom to be without children. Please don't get me wrong. I ADORE kids! I love being around them, but I just have absolutely no desire. I'm wondering what I should say to these people or what? Just have really gotten to me.  

**Hugs**
~Nateycakes

Wow.   I can't imagine telling someone that they should have kids.
Maybe just tell them that it's none of their business?  

[Willowbirch]

I like my freedom. Actually, I LOVE my freedom to be without children.

Yes, well, I too love my freedom without kids....although I did raise them first, lol.

LOL!
Thank you for a beautiful post, Gracey.

[Why?]

I can definately relate. I have one child. Childbirth was rough for me. I pushed for 4 hours after 14 hours of regular labor. Pregancy was rough for me. I was sick all day long for 3 months. And I really have no patience. I can only handle one child.

My son is 6 now. And people ask me ALL the time, "Aren't you having any more?". And when I answer "No, we aren't planning on it." They're on me like a dog on steak. "But why? He needs a sibling or two. You can let him be an only child. He won't have anyone when you die... etc. etc. etc."

[Kristi Ann]

Hiya Nateycakes,  

I make you feel better sweetie, I have never had children at all. Now I am too old at shhhhhh, 44, I am not married anymore either.  

Chlidren are a Blessing from the Lord. Please Love all Children.

Here is a link I have at Kristi Ann's Haven;

"Arm's of Love"


It's  a Christian website very simular to Compassion.

Love Ya Sis,  \o/

KristiAnn

[grommie]

I know what you mean about feeling obligated to answer a question to someone when it is not even their business.  God cares about what you care about. Your his kid.

Stop feeling guilty, that certainly isn't from God.  =)

SO what do we say to people who do not understand us?  Give it to God and He will direct your words.  IF after you have given it to Him and nothing seems to be coming to your mind, then say nothing. Just smile.

[musicllover]

Having children is between you, your husband and God, if you feel that you don't want children then by MEANS don't have them. If you and your husband have agreed to this its honestly no ones business. Pray about it find your peace and let the people talk. You could be honest with the nosey person who insisted God wants you to have a baby.....you've not got the go ahead with that plan yet, and you'll wait until you are sure about having children.
   No doubt children are sweet, kind, you fall in love with them, hard work, not rewarding but most rewarding, you wonder what you did with your time before they were born........but WARNING they have to get thru the teens before they reach an age where mom and dad aren't stupid......and that age can be very rough. Besides, older mothers are the norm anymore....... you have several years before your "too" old. What does your husband want to do, and then go from there.

Blessing on you, be strong in what you know the Lord is leading you to do.
musicllover

[vickidale]

I know that not everyone should have children but I agree with one of the replies that if God wants you to have a child, you will, birth control or not.  My son was 33 when he married and wondered if he should have a family.  His wife had a beautiful little (2 1/2 lbs!) boy two years ago.  This past May she died of a heart attack due to undiagnosed heart disease. My son is so thankful (and so are we) that he has this little fella who is such a blessing to all of us.  Trust God with whatever He has planned for your life, babies or not.

[M]

It is really rude for people to ask if you are planning to have children or not.  

My husband and I have been trying to have children for several years.  I have to accept that God might not bless me with children as He does others.  It really makes me sad.

I really hate it when people ask "when are you going to start a family?".  I do not intend to discuss infertility problems with others.  I do not like to hear them suggest that we should adopt or become foster parents either.  That is not for everyone.

When people ask me if I have any children, I can reply that God has not blessed us with children.  Any further discussion is met with a blank stare.  

[Baastetnoir]

Lately, its bothered me more then usual. I'm really tired of some friends & even family members making me feel guilty about not wanting to have children. I am tired of the "you'll regret it" remarks or do it now before your too old, blah blah. Just seems like the pressure it on and I even had a so-called Christian tell me that God "Wants" me to have children that we all (Women) need to have a child to pretty much make the Lord pleased. I'm 26 years old. My husband is older then I and I often wonder about that as well. He is 42 years old. Am I wrong to say I just don't see children in my life at this point or in the next few months lets say. I know that I would make a lousy Mum right now. I like my freedom. Actually, I LOVE my freedom to be without children. Please don't get me wrong. I ADORE kids! I love being around them, but I just have absolutely no desire. I'm wondering what I should say to these people or what? Just have really gotten to me.  

**Hugs**
~Nateycakes

I ma 29, my husband is 49 and i dont want children at this moment either. Children should come when both in the couple is ready... Having children to make your family happy is the wrong reason...Whenever you feel ready thats the moment... your family should support you not pressure you...

[musicllover]

Natey,
          This is going to sound kinda weird, (well maybe) but I feel guitly for HAVING children. I wanted a baby, I wanted a family, I wanted to be married and have a bus load of children. So I got married and within 10 year of marriage I had 5 children. Not a bus load but anway...
      I was so busy wanting and making everything happen they way I had planned I kinda left God out of the picture. I am not saying my children arent precious, or aren't gifts from God, but I am wondering if I was in God's perfect will? God will let us do what we want. In the end we pay the consiquences for those action... and we know there are good consquences or bad. I live a life of fear for my kids. When I was so busy wanting a baby, and having them I never one time thought of what the adolescent years would bring, or how to handle the financial burden of such a large family. We went to church every Sunday, we tried to walk out our faith, failed sometimes, did good other times, that was suppose to be enough. I honestly never thought about how to raise my kids except I wanted them raised better than I was, I just kept having them. My oldest boy is in jail for probation violation, and could be facing prison time, the other som is as far from God as he can humanly get. They both laugh at me or tell me to shut my mouth if I try to tell them they weren't raised to live this way etc etc etc...My oldest daughter is sexually active and only 19, she lives on her own and is "of age" ya what ever. I didn't raise them like this.  I have 2 left at home, and I wonder LORD HOW. I should have been asking that before the first one. All I can do is stand steadfast on the scriptures that promises us, to raise a child up in the way of the Lord,.... and he return to it.. (my paraphrase). If you don't want to have children right now, or ever. That is honestly between you and God, and your husband. If you don't want to have children, then don't let anyone pressure you into. Look at me I WANTED children and still its very very hard. I applaud you for knowing what you want. May God grant you wisdom on deciding when or if.
Blessings,
musicllover