Kicked out of church!

[allamedo]

I am presently living with my fiance, we have been together for 3 years. We are not married yet because her ex-husband who left her 6 years ago for another woman with whom he lives with and has 2 children with refuses to sign the divorce papers and moves everytime we find him. We are on a fixed income and cannot afford an attorney. We have both made vows to each other before God, and will be married ASAP. We moved to a small rural community in eastern Oregon a year ago, we are both Christians and have been for the better part of our lives. We realize that the way we are living is not acceptable to God, but as I said we have both prayed and made our peace with Him and believe that He will help us solve this problem. As a matter of fact we heard from her ex just about 2 weeks ago, and he is entering the military and wants a divorce before he does, so his girlfriend and 2 kids can be his beneficiaries. We were honest with the Pastor of our church about our situation on the first day that we attended church, he explained to us what God's word said and we agreed with him, but told him that there was nothing at the time that we could do. He showed up the other day, and reiterated the Scriptures about us living out of wedlock, and proceeded to call us fornicators, adulterers, and said that we were a black eye to God every time we walked through the door of the church. After this he told us that we were no longer welcome at the church.

This is the first time I've ever been thrown out of a church. We have never disrupted the service or caused any problems or tried to justify to anyone the way we live. We usually sit in the back, listen to the sermon, and leave with very little interaction with others.

I don't think that what was done to us was right, nor Biblical. What do you think? All opinions will be greatly appreciated.

[His_child]

I am presently living with my fiance, we have been together for 3 years. We are not married yet because her ex-husband who left her 6 years ago for another woman with whom he lives with and has 2 children with refuses to sign the divorce papers and moves everytime we find him. We are on a fixed income and cannot afford an attorney. We have both made vows to each other before God, and will be married ASAP. We moved to a small rural community in eastern Oregon a year ago, we are both Christians and have been for the better part of our lives. We realize that the way we are living is not acceptable to God, but as I said we have both prayed and made our peace with Him and believe that He will help us solve this problem. As a matter of fact we heard from her ex just about 2 weeks ago, and he is entering the military and wants a divorce before he does, so his girlfriend and 2 kids can be his beneficiaries. We were honest with the Pastor of our church about our situation on the first day that we attended church, he explained to us what God's word said and we agreed with him, but told him that there was nothing at the time that we could do. He showed up the other day, and reiterated the Scriptures about us living out of wedlock, and proceeded to call us fornicators, adulterers, and said that we were a black eye to God every time we walked through the door of the church. After this he told us that we were no longer welcome at the church.

This is the first time I've ever been thrown out of a church. We have never disrupted the service or caused any problems or tried to justify to anyone the way we live. We usually sit in the back, listen to the sermon, and leave with very little interaction with others.

I don't think that what was done to us was right, nor Biblical. What do you think? All opinions will be greatly appreciated.

What did you expect your pastor to say?
Why do you avoid interaction with other members of the church?

[allamedo]

I didn't expect him to kick us out of church. The only reason we don't interact more is because most people don't want to interact with us. There are a few that we have fellowship with in and out of church, but very few.

[His_child]

I didn't expect him to kick us out of church.

What did you expect of him?

[Tibby]

He did what? He just walked it to the door, asked for a cup of coffee and said “You are both Fornicators, and you can’t come to my Church anymore!”?

Either way, my advice would be to not get your panties all up in a wad over it. So you got thrown out of a church, you have tons of other options. From what you said, you don’t seem to attached to the church, anyways.

[allamedo]

Not quite so easy, we live in a rural community. It is the only church, the next nearest church is over 20 miles away and we can't afford to drive there every Sunday.

[His_child]

You still haven't said what you did expect the pastor to do.

Why are you living together if you can't marry?

Does her not being able to marry you mean that you two should fornicate?

[His_child]

allamedo-
I'm not saying that I agree or disagree with how this pastor handled things, I'm just wondering how you thought he would handle them and how you wanted him to handle them.

I think it is a disgrace how many pastors and Christians let sin into the church. However, that does not mean that things can not be handled tactifully.

When my husband and I first came to the Lord, we were living together. We had a whole bunch of reasons why we should live together without marrying.
Those reasons seemed justified to us.
Our pastor pulled no punches about our lifestyle, but he did not ask us to leave the church.
We were not allowed to be in leadership with any of the ministries, but we were encouraged to participate in all ministries in the church that applied to us.

We were not allowed to go to a marriage seminar because we weren't married and weren't planning on getting married, but we were allowed to partake in Bible studies, care groups, etc.

When we did decide that we wanted to marry, we went to the pastor and guess what he said? He said no!
He said he would not marry us until we had lived apart and been celibate for at least 3 months. It took time and a lot of will power, but we did it.
About a year later he married us.

Many churches today will not marry a couple who has been living together and/or fornicating. Fornication leads to higher chances of divorce.

[new_self]

alamedo,

 I feel your pain man. Me and my wife lived together for 4 years before we got married. And when it was time for us to tie the knot our pastor turned us down flat.I know what the bible says about fornication and two people living together.But I also know what the bible says about forgiveness and not judging other people.So if your not welcome at your church anymore because of your situation does that mean alchoholics are'nt welcome either or how about prostitutes or homosexuals? These people are the ones Jesus hung around. Sounds like your pastor has a case of pharisee-itis.

 What would the Master do?

ybiC
new_self

[His_child]

allamedo-
Until very recently, homosexuals were not allowed to marry.
Should a pastor have looked the other way at their sin?

There is a big difference between repenting of sins and justifying them.

[His_child]

What does her ex-husband have to do with the choice that you two have made to fornicate?
He is not making you sin, that is a choice you've made on your own.
He is an adulterer, but he can't make you live in sin.
Actually, because she is not divorced, I would say that she is also an adulterer.
Although, there really is little difference between adultery and fornication I guess.

[Amartolos]

bible rules are too hard to follow. ..come to think of it. too hard to deal.....when it comes to diff situations. o pray o pray.

[NateyCakes]

I think that was awful what the pastor said. Not so much awful, but the way he did it!  Ya know, we aren't there to draw people AWAY from Christ, but nearer to him. Regardless, he could have said this to you some other way. Not that you aren't welcome. That is RIDICULOUS & UnChristian like to me. Gee, what if you were not saved & you were looking for a church and a place hopefully to become saved you told him this situation & he said Your not welcome. Yes, Im sure that would bring someone closer to Jesus. NOT. Unfortunately, there are too many churches that have become WORLDY & forgotten the scripture to "Love one another" & have compassion.
I was listening to Charles Stanley the other week & he was talking about a church where he was preaching at and they had this woman who had just recently gotten a divorce. Her husband up & left her & moved somewhere. Anyway, long story short all the women in the church treated her like the plauge! They even whispered about her and called her the "divorcee" in front of her face! Yes, I'm sure that is real Christian & makes someone want to stay in that church & be around other Christians.
I think that pastor forgot the scripture where is says NO ONE IS PERFECT. WE ALL FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. I'm sorry he is "perfect" and can say such things. Your not going to sit there & tell me you are the only one who MAY BE LIVING IN SIN  or not living a fully Christian lifestyle in the church. What happened to Judge not les ye be judged.
So while others might see it different, I feel strongly that this pastor was out of line. Its hard enough to get people to Christ without this. However, there are TOO MANY so called Christians who have the attitude like, "Well, Im saved.......Who cares about so & so & them......." They act like they their going to heaven & don't need to be bothered with anyone else.
Anyway, didn't mean to ramble on, but I have been to a lot of churches & not all have been good experiences. I remember being asked to leave because I had Pink hair. I'm not there to impress anyone. Im there to worship my savior. Perhaps that church & pastor ought to remember that.
I hope you & your GF find a new (loving) church! Please keep seeking the Lord! Remember, the Lord would never want you out of a church! Hopefully that divorce will go through SOON! Meanwhile, you should live a Godly life in the sense, not having a intimate relationship with this woman until the divorce is final.God Love & Bless you~

[WolfBrother]

Sounds to me like the "hate of the Sin" overwhelmed the "love of the Sinner".  

Pray for the Pastor.  Pastor's are human also and can say/do things in ways that are not the best. And being human can be too embarrassed or prideful to admit their failure.

Take a very hard look at you and your live-in.  One of you may need to make a change in where they live - at least until you're married.  

If that decision is reached, approach the Pastor and Church Elders, ask for their help in finding an inexpensive place for one of you to live until married.

If you're rebuffed again, then pray for them but find a new Church home.

Good luck and may you find a Church home.

[Sapphire W34P0N]

I think it is a disgrace how many pastors and Christians let sin into the church.

Sin will enter a church whether the pastor likes it or not. People aren't perfect, and if the pastor kicks out Allamedo and his fiancee for their sin, he needs to kick out everyone else in the church who has sin on their head. Meaning, everybody. God looks on all sin equally and hates it all equally; there is no justification for a pastor to kick out a couple for something he thinks is worse than lying or stealing.

This is certainly not to say I agree with what Allamedo has been doing, but if he and his fiancee want to grow closer to God, the pastor has no place nor any reason for coming between that. Allamedo's situation is between himself and God; the pastor has no place to judge this couple.

My advice is to pray, and to try to talk to the pastor again. The pastor needs to realize his sin.