I have no where else to turn...

[jcgettig]

My name is Courtney, and I have just found this forum.  My husband and I are in desperate need of prayer.  

I have been with my husband, Josh, for 8 years, and we have a 3yr old son.  We are both in our mid 20's.  We have had our share of ups and downs, as every marriage does... but I love him with all of me, and I know he still loves me.  

To sum up my situation- About a week ago, my husband got up and left my son and I.  He just left.  He said he's found someone that makes him happy (he knew her before I believe, and left me to justify pursuing a relationship with her.)  
He says he feels this is where 'life has taken him.'  We are both Christians.  In one breath he says this is God's plan and the next he says he hopes God will forgive him.  He keeps telling me he's so happy, but in his words I hear him struggling to justify his actions to himself.  
I truly believe that God's plan is for us to be together, and although He works in 'mysterious ways', I don't believe His plan would include my husband to abandon his family and commit adultry.  That is called free will.
I am very close to a nervous breakdown, and all I hear from the people around me (non-Christians) is that this happens every day.  I know this happens every day.  My mother was divorced twice.  I don't accept that.

I don't know if any of this makes sense.  It's hard to put everything going right now in words.  I am tired.  I am tired of crying.  I am tired of hurting.  One minute I can breath, and the next I feel like I've been burried alive.  

Here are the questions I have:
Although we have free will, and obviously make mistakes- will God intervene and show us the way back? -I know my husband can hear the Holy Spirit inside of him, telling him he's wrong.  That is why he is struggling.  He just won't listen.

How can I help?  -I am hurt in more ways than I could ever imagine, but have made it clear to my husband that I love him and I'll forgive him.  I don't know if I should back off and let him find his way back, or if I should keep telling him this is not what God wants.  He has a lot of negative influences that I feel I am against.

How long do I wait?  -Not that I am impatient, but waiting forever is a very long time.  I am praying with faith that my husband will come home.  At what point should I just realize he's not?  I want to have true faith and know in my heart that God will lead him back- but if my husband never finds his way back... how long do I wait?  How long do I have faith before accepting the situation as it is?

I have a ton of questions floating around in my head, most of which I haven't realized yet.  Please, anyone that can help, offer support, or just tell me it will be okay... please do.  I am desperate.

I am asking for prayers that my husband will find the Lord and the truth again.  He is not listening because the devil has blinded and deafened him.  I don't know how to get through to someone who can't see and hear.  I am praying with all I've got, but this is bigger than me.  He is lost.  His soul is lost.  Also, I ask for prayers for me- For direction, and that I may hear what God is trying to tell me.  Please pray for my emotional and physical state.  I haven't been eating or sleeping.  I feel so lost because my husband is lost.  I am fighting with the loss of my husband, loosing him to another woman, and loosing him to the devil.  Please pray for us.
~Courtney

[nChrist]

Hello Jcgettig,

Have you talked with your pastor about this? Many of us here will pray for you, but I was thinking how much better it might be if someone who already knows both of you could counsel with you. Obviously, talking to both of you in the same session would be the best if you can get him to go. All Christians know that God never leads a person to cheat on their spouse and abandon their family. That's not God working - that's sin.

You have many big and important questions to answer. Nobody is going to be able to answer those questions for you. I think that one of the most important things is for you to pray, ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom, and keep praying. We will pray for you, but please do call your pastor.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[felix102]

Hi

It seems like you are suffering immensely. We do not know the anger or pain you may be feeling but God does. Adultery creates a lot of pain. Adultery in marriages may terribly hurt you and your child, but most of all it will hurt your husband.

"Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?
Can a man walk on hot coals wihtout his feet being scorched?"
proverb 6:27-28

"Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death."
proverb 7:27

Your husband may need this conviction. He cannot justify himself before God if his sin is clearly in the Word.

As for your sufferings:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Chrsit, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
For just as the sufferings of Chrsit flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.
And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

There are many here who have come here in desperate need of prayer. It seems that those who come here looking for hope end up sharing hope to others who are in need.

We will be praying for you.

[peachykeen]

oh Courtney, it is so hard to understand God's plan.  And while it is hard to believe that adultery would be a part of it, it can be.  Free will is a part of God's plan too.  I wish I could give you an answer, but the truth is I can only give you my opinion.  In the end, it wouldn't be a miracle answer, exacally what you needed to hear, or something that you would even want to hear in the first place.  I want you to know that I am praying for you SO hard, we all are.  I think what is most important at this point is communication.  I love bep's pastor idea, if you could get you and your husband to visit with him, I think it would help you a lot.  What is hurting you the most right now are unanswered questions.  I know, because it was my unanswered questions that brought me here too.  Let me tell you, however, that no matter how the situation turns out, God will always be there with you.  Good will come out of this, in the weird, twisted way that it does.  I can't tell you that it's going to turn out the way that you want it too.  I can't say that you'll stop hurting tomarrow.  And I also can't say that your husband will regret his decision and come back to you.  But one thing I can say is that this is just another chapter in your self-written book of life, and one day, you will know the ending to this chapter, turn the page, and start the next.  I know it's strange to say, but suffering is one of the best things that can happen.  It's like a weilded sword.  Imagine, a long stick of steel, thrown into the fire until red hot, then taken out and hammered, pounding stroke after pounding stroke, and then dumped into cold, harsh water, and then back into the raging fire again.  We are the sword, beaten, twisted, molded......and perfected.  Through all that suffering, toiling, and crying, we are transformed into something strong and beautiful, never broken.  God will be with you for every pounding stroke and flame, every tear and cry.  It WILL be okay, Courtney, because one day, you will begin to see your new strength, and you will begin to see the good that's clouded behind your sorrow.  I know you are hurting SO bad Courtney, and I want you to know that I am praying SO hard for you.  You can get through this, and the first step is understanding, and putting your faith in God's hands.  He won't give up on you, just like we won't.  

"The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoycing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name."
-Acts 5: 41.  

All my love and in my prayers,

seeing with my heart, peachy.  

[jive4005]

I want you to know I'm praying for you and your family. I just KNOW God is going to do something good in this thing. So many bad and evil things... that's a lot put on you. Yet I look for remedy and hope from a God I know to be able. It's sounds so cliche but it so true... He IS able... to do such awesome things, to give us diamonds for rocks.

Be strong and clear headed in all this Cortney. Stay connected with God, good and close. He won't let harm come to you. Seek His will with great love towards everyone concerned. Seek His essence to root in your heart... it's a thing like nothing else. It can heal and save and perfect and teach and transform.

O Lord of my heart, be mindful of Cortney and her family. This attack from satan upon her husband and upon this family should not stand my God!!! I implore and pray and trust in asking Your devine intervention here. Let no more of satan's lies and evildoings pierce this family. Send Your most holy Spirit to confront this husband and the other woman... to convict them both and to lead them to salvation, repentence and Your truth! I bind all evil works against this family in the mighty and unmnoveable name of Jesus the Christ, in His name I pray... amen

Deke

PS: Hey saints... did you know that the church of satan commissions their own "ministers" to go thru-out the world praying against Christian marriages! True...

[Shylynne]

Courtney,  God,  in His tender care and  loving thoughts towards you has led  me to this passage of scripture to share  with you, and I pray you find in this message another ray of hope along with the words others have offered you in your despair.

Eccl 4.9-12: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Sister your husband has fallen, and he will not be able to get back up without your help, but the third strand in that cord is God.  You are the daughter of the Almighty, He is able to do what you alone in your own strength and words and actions cannot do. God is able to bind your marriage together again with a cord than cannot be broken if you put this into His hands and allow Him to work thru you. He truly does care so much for you, and you are not alone!

Love and prayers.

[BUTCHA]

hi
i have alot to say but ill keep it brief for i do not know you.

the best part of all the prior post was by blackeyepeas

"All Christians know that God never leads a person to cheat on their spouse and abandon their family. That's not God working - that's sin."
try to think of what jesus would do if he was in your shoes how would he react to your husband, maybe like he dealt with the woman at the water well. he forgave her but with the stipulation that she sin no more. how does this equite with your problem?
sounds like hes trying to make you feel guilty?

i better stop i dont get mad easy or often but guys like this

 

[jive4005]

I post this for my sister Tia...
Deke


Dear Cortney,
                  From one wife christian wife to another I pray for you. I BIND that spirit of adultery in the name of JESUS!  No trial is easy. We as christians are to encourage one another. We walk by FAITH and not by sight. We seek ye the kingdom of GOD first and everything else shall be added unto you. Including your marriage. What you say is true, we have free will. But remember you and your husband made a vow before GOD. You must TRUST your heavenly FATHER. Believe me when I say that it's never easy. My own marriage is always under attack but you have to not accept the things that the devil throws at you. For satan is the father of ALL LIES! Satan says your marriage is over, but GOD says I am hope. The word of GOD says Joy comes in the morning! Why wouldn't GOD intervene in your marriage? You do what you are supposed to do as a wife and mother and GOD will take care of him! I BIND the spirits of depression and insanity in you, in the name of JESUS! Are you and your husband born again. Have you asked Jesus to come into your heart? Have both of you confessed your sins and ask God to forgive you in the name of Jesus? Have both of you confessed with your mouths that Jesus is your Lord and Savior? If not I suggest that both of you do so. I don't know what the good LORD has in store for your life but I know that GOD is faithful. I know that he goes before you, to make a way for you. I know that He pulls you out of every pit you may fall into. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Stay in the WORD! That is your weapon! That is your kit for survival. It's not over until GOD says it's over. GOD talks to all of us, but sometimes we focus too much on ourselves. Listen to GOD I know he's talking to you. He's telling you to TRUST in the LORD. He is your hiding place!
I will continue to pray for you in the name of JESUS! I pray that GOD would increase your faith, in the name of JESUS! Amen. Love your sister in Christ
Tia

[Whitehorse]

Dear Courtney, I'm sorry for your pain. It really can be a very difficult situation.

If your husband truly is a Christian, he has no option: he must return home and submit to Christ. The Christian life isn't about what makes us happy. In fact, if we are truly Christians, we will suffer for what we believe. (Not nearly as bad as those who cause the suffering, but we do suffer.)

But the fact is, if he doesn't come home, he will have to rearrange his theology to accomodate what he did.

How long do you have to wait? Well, I'd look at what the Lord has in store for you, because He will be faithful to send you on a new adventure with new goals and plans, for you and your little one. There is a very real possibility that your husband will never return home. This being the case, marriage is no longer an option, but a life filled with God's glory is an option-it will be better than what you had with your husband. Pain is never pleasant, but it can open the doors to the most fruitful and blessed chapter of your life.

Blessings,
Whitehorse

[peachykeen]

I have an entire bible study group praying for you and as soon as Sunday rolls around, I'll get my church to pray too.  

in my prayers, seeing with my heart, peachy

[Willowbirch]

I am very close to a nervous breakdown, and all I hear from the people around me (non-Christians) is that this happens every day.  I know this happens every day.  My mother was divorced twice.  I don't accept that.

GOOD! Don't ever accept advice like this. Just because something is a common occurance does not mean it is less sinful or painful.
Thanks to everyone who posted their insights! There isn't anything new or different that I can add, but Courtney, my heart aches for you. You already know there are many praying for God's will in this situation. "All things work together for good, to them that love the Lord." This verse is well-used, but it is still just as powerful as ever, and while you may never understand why your husband has been allowed to do this thing to his family (and to the woman he is seeing), God will still use this terrible pain and turn it into something beautiful. Don't lose sight of your Saviour, but draw closer to Him. As Tom said, get the support of people who know you and can offer counsel; a friend is a very dear thing to have, if they can hold the lamp while you're walking on a dark road.

[felix102]

Courtney, feel free to remain silent, but I would like to know how things are going now. If any new problems arise we will pray about them. God be with you.

[LMarsh]

Praying for you and your husband Courtney.  I believe with all my heart the Lord will change his heart.  He will open his ears and eyes and return to you.  You all may have to go to counselling together to get over the anger of the issue of adultery.  Yes, the devil is attacking everyones marraige almost daily.  Especially if you are ever drawing closer to God.

Several years ago now....I went through a difficult time in my marraige.  I was angry with God about something completely different than my marraige and thats when the devil came in and set up shop.  I felt like I didn't like my husband, didn't love him, didn't respect him.  My family all encouraged me to just go out with him alone...spend some time with him.  That's the LAST thing I wanted to do.  I sold my car...got a car I could afford by myself.  BUT my husband Would not leave our house...no matter how much I told him to.  Thank God he held on.  I remember vividly breaking down and asking God to change my heart, to love this man like I used to.
I am not kidding...I woke up the next morning with a heart filled to overflowing with love for my husband!!!  I couldn't believe it!

Since then we are so grateful for each other and my husband has become a Christian!  

Whew!  GOD will do it!  Hang in there....stay close to the Lord.  He will cradle you in his arms and protect and comfort you.  Keep praying...I will!

Your sister in Christ,
LMarsh

[DovesWings]

Hi Courtney...
Sorry it's taken me so long to get to your post.

I just want you to know that I am praying for you and your husband and son!!!

God bless...

[Gracey]

Rest in His peace and draw comfort from His presence.

BEP is right. No one can really answer your questions - only God. What we can and will (and have done) is pray for you both.

Cling to Him.

Gracey