Accepting Compliments

[Symphony]

Do you have trouble accepting compliments?  

Does it bother you to take credit for something?

Should we be taking credit--for anything we do?

How do you do so, and still have any humility?

[peachykeen]

It's always very nice to recieve a compliment, but it's not being prideful in accepting them.  It's not boasting yourself, it's someone else's valid opinion they're just sharring with you.  The best way to accept them?  Look em' straight in the eyes and say thanks.  You can even add a "That means a lot" or two.  Just be honest with how nice the compliment is.  I know from experience, it's better to take a compliment than deny it or shoot it down.  

Definatley take credit for what you do, too.  If you honestly did the work, then don't let someone else trample over you and take the credit.  It's honesty, and I know it hurts a lot if you let someone else steal your well-earned limelight.  

[Tibby]

Depends on the complament. For example If you told me

"Dude, that is the most also 3 hours mandolin solo ever"

I would take it, maybe even sign your CD. If you said:

"Dude, that is the most also 3 hours ukulale solo ever"

I would crave the word Mandolin into "Mr. Axehandle" and hit you with it repeatedly.

Ok, ok, for really. I guess you're venting about something. What happend?

[Sapphire W34P0N]

...Most also...?

[JudgeNot]

Complements make me very uncomfortable.  If I do something well or heroic (choke) it is always either by God's grace or by accident.

[Willowbirch]

Complements make me very uncomfortable.  If I do something well or heroic (choke) it is always either by God's grace or by accident.

Ditto! (somebody around here needs to start saying that again...)

It is good to accept compliments graciously, neither belittling them nor letting them puff us up.

It is our duty to "build one another up in love"; giving honest compliments is a part of that building project, which means that we also receive them from other members of the body. But if we respond to a compliment by putting ourselves on a pedastal in our mind, then we have stopped building up other believers, and have begun working on our ourselves instead.

[nChrist]

Complements make me very uncomfortable.  If I do something well or heroic (choke) it is always either by God's grace or by accident.

Ditto! (somebody around here needs to start saying that again...)

It is good to accept compliments graciously, neither belittling them nor letting them puff us up.

It is our duty to "build one another up in love"; giving honest compliments is a part of that building project, which means that we also receive them from other members of the body. But if we respond to a compliment by putting ourselves on a pedastal in our mind, then we have stopped building up other believers, and have begun working on our ourselves instead.

Oklahoma Howdy to Willowbirch,

A agree completely and think that you just spoke volumes. It is definitely part of our fellowship to build each other up and strengthen each other in Christ. It is easier in person to see and understand what might be the proper response to a compliment. I think the most appropriate answer is, "God has been good, all Glory to HIM". However, the person giving the compliment may not understand this, depending on their level of maturity.

This could also simply be a matter of love and appreciation between brothers and sisters in Christ. It could be as simple as telling a person you really enjoyed their solo, or you enjoyed the delicious food they prepared for a gathering.

Regardless, it is harder to know on the Internet what to do and how to do it. How will an expression of appreciation be given and how will it be taken?  Who knows? It depends on the individuals involved.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[Reba]

Most often when I bake a special cake (or any project) take my time to decorate it for the person I NEED to be told how nice it is. Is this pride? or my insecurities? or some of both?

When folks are a blessing to me. I want them to know God has used them.  We should take "pride" in what ever we do, is there a word sorta like pride that doesn't have the negative sound?

[Symphony]

Whew, some good posts here.  Thank you!  (li'l compliment there,  ).

Um, but Tibby, could we work maybe a little bit on our English--maybe as a FIRST language??  Okay, Pal?  

Boy, Reba, let's see:  

Most often when I bake a special cake (or any project) take my time to decorate it for the person I NEED to be told how nice it is. Is this pride? or my insecurities? or some of both?


Hm, does that strike a nerve.  We have someone just like this, in the family, going the extra mile, domestic, kitchen, pies, cakes.  

And that's all great.  But sometimes, I fear she might be accumulating disappointment, in the future somewhere--i.e., what if the appreciation never seems to match the effort or work done??  

   

Yikes.  And I've heard this complaint from older people frequently.  One guy, with a jeep, said he bought and fixed a snow plow to it; cleared neighbors drives with it for years.  Never got a thank you.  He was bitter about it.  


Somehow, when we do kindnesses for others, maybe it's about how we do it, or why.  

Of course, Jesus, or PPaul, cautions about expecting nothing in return.  The heart of a cheerful giver.

So I'm skeptical of "the baker's dozen", both giving or receiving it.  In the right spirit, I suppose.

I don't think it's really about "taking pride" in what we do at all.  I certainly don't think that's biblical.  'Tho in the book of Ezra, Darius, for example, does decree beautification of Jerusalem, after the Captivity.

I think "doing things well" doesn't have to be about pride.  I think it's a reflection of our happiness in the Lord.  "The joy of the Lord is your strength".  

You'd want an engineer to build his bridge "well", when' you're driving over it.

I think when we do things it's more about joy that either is there or should be there.

Of course, I know of one wrecker driver, when he finished towing a car, the driver neglected to pay him; so he hitched the car back up, took it back, and put it back in the ditch.  

Maybe it's a fine line;  some people accumulate ill will, and it's easy to use our "generosity" in order to control people.   It all seems a very fine line to me, giving or receiving.

Jesus said to give to those who can't repay...  

[Reba]

If the cakes fail    we just try harder  right?

[Reba]

'WELL' said  Symphony  

[Symphony]

I've been thinking a little more about this; it's similar to how to accept gifts.

In the right context, gifts seem to be okay.

But sometime gifts also seem to be used to control.

Many times, someone giving me something almost sends chills down my spine.

And when people insist they're doing something for you, when that thing was either already there in the first place, or the thing they're claiming was actually something you were doing, you have to be careful how they try to slip that through.  It's critical, because later on that can turn out to be part of a set up.  Many times, people aren't aware they're doing it, so it's no big deal.  But sometimes it's critical to point out that what they're claiming, simp0ly isn't true.  Un-fortunately, the opportunity to do that is usually immediately after they've made that claim--when to correct it.  If that moment is allowed to pass, then things are diminished significantly--and you can only hope this isn't a setup.  Many times, it's very smoothly done; you have to be alert to catch it.

But "ownership" of various people, in their exchanges with one another, is established along these lines--I scratch your back, and pretty soon, I "own" you.  After all, I've done you all these "favors".

And many times, it can all be invisible.   In how we interact with one another.

But largely, in a nutshell, it really is, "...as how the Gentiles live...", I think, as Jesus seemed to intimate.  Many or most people are just preying on one another, with little social grace, or elegance whatsoever.  


Jesus seemed to be the ultimate in social grace, or elegance.

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to Symphony,

I've heard it said many times that a person is fortunate to make 5 REAL friends in a lifetime. I've got mixed emotions about this statement, and I guess it would depend on how you define friend. It would also depend on the individual people involved.

It does appear that the most friendly and outgoing people get taken advantage of and even mistreated, but that doesn't stop the ones that I'm thinking of. Some don't even consider it to be unkindness or mistreatment, simply pray for the person, and go on down their cheerful path as if nothing happened at all. They are usually strong Christians and seldom even think about self defense, criticism of others, getting even, or any number of other typical and quite human emotions. I would hope that everyone knows at least one person like that. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a person like that. One would think that they would eventually get mean and cynical after being taken advantage of so many times, but the opposite appears to be true. I think that God takes care of them and sends them right back out with a smile on their face after they've been hurt. Someone can even make them cry, but they will come right back the same as they were. This old world would be almost unbearable without Christ and an adequate supply of HIS gentle children.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[Symphony]

That's all very well said, bep--not keeping an accounting.

We can keep doing good, if it's by faith.

That's what i'm debating right now about the strategic dutch bulbs I planted.

Beautiful flowers--tulips, daffodils, where it was really stunning to see them, but difficult to get to them.  (You'd have to stop your car, in a dangerous area, with no shoulder..., and get down in a ditch)  Just nearing their peak, someone cut and took the best ones, anyway.

I know others enjoyed them.  I sure did.  We did.  After the bleakness of winter, they're about the first things up.

But do I replant this fall?

If I hold no accounting, I'll just do it again.  But it's a chore, and people around here are as likely to hold you accountable for doing something well, as they are for doing something wrong(like they did Jesus).  

[TrueFreedom]

There was a time when I couldn't handle a compliment, because there was no kindness in my upbringing. My family was harsh, cruel & related in wierd ways. Then came the time, (as I grew in the Lord) that I thrived on compliments for encouragement & begin to practise accepting them in a gracious way.
And now, I don't need them, nor do I need the credit for things, and although I still graciously accept them...I've learned to discern the nature & motive behind them, whether they are sincere, or have an alterior motive... whether I should accept it as encouragement from the Lord, or let it go. Humility will not take the "ball" and run with it, if you know what I'm saying.(Inside or out). But even if we feel the compliment was unnecessary... we can remember our manners, and respond kindly.

Compliments & getting the credit seem to become less missed as we grow & mature in Christ. Encouragement in compliments are always appreciated, but we must remember not to allow it to take us outside of humility.