Okie, let me be blunt....and please take this in Love Sis....
1. You are not spawn of the devil ok? This is non-sense, and if you have truly accepted Christ as your Saviour then you are saved.
2 looking to the occult books etc for answers will most certainly open your mind to the wrong answers.
I know you really want answers to this thing, but the more light you shed on this the clearer its becoming that this is not from God. God doesn't need occultic books to provide answers for His children. He has given us His Spirit Breathed word to live from.
I will post this passage again in its fullness for you to read carefully.
1Jo 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
1Jo 4:2 Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:
1Jo 4:3 And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.
1Jo 4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.
1Jo 4:5 They are of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them.
1Jo 4:6 We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.
Satan is a liar! He can manifest himself as an angel of light. He speaks in half truths and is a master deceiver. This adversary is real and he means you and everyone else harm.
Please!!! put away the extra sources and stick with the truth. Again, I remind you about the thread where you yourself said you left another forum because they were using extra books to glean truth from. Take your own advice and stick with the Word ONLY. You wont go wrong there, and you wont receive lies there either.
We are here to help you with this and pray with you about it....OK?