I was just thinking about the fake running radar - #1. My department had many old police cars that would barely run. True Story:  We dressed up a dummy as a police officer, parked the car in a high accident location, and made an old and broken radar visible. IT WORKED!!!!  

[Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity:]

Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

You will laugh or be arrested by the comedy police!

1.  At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2.  Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3.  Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4.  Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5.  Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6.  Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".

7.  Don't use any punctuation.

8.  As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9.  Ask people what gender they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

10. Specify that your drive-through order is "To go".

11. Sing along at the opera.

12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

15. When the money comes out the ATM scream, "I Won!, I Won!"

16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

17. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Finally, I have a funny joke. Send a thank you card to my wife's teacher friends.

(By Email - Is this real?)

Subject: KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde, but I'm certain that's not relevant.

Farrer,

Here's a start for you.

How To Be Saved:
http://www.sirinet.net/~blkidps/besaved.html

This really isn't a matter for sport, fun, or play acting.

Love in Christ,
Tom

Reba,

Sister, I just had to do it. By the way, I just counted and I have all nine of my tose.  

Love In Christ,
Tom

"At first Harold was just lactose intolerant.

 

Was Harold upset because of missing tose, or did he greatly dislike the tose he had left?

How many tose did Harold lac?

 

(Small Print:  In hiding)

Hello Luke O,

Saddam Hussein killed a minimum of 300,000 people by low estimates, but realistically over 500,000 people. He was a little Hitler trying to grow into a big Hitler, and he did pretty well in reaching his goal. He invaded his neighbors, tried genocide on portions of his own people, and he defied a stack of resolutions that would have meant peace. If someone did something, it would be Saddam and his henchmen.

What we are doing is fighting terrorists on their own soil instead of letting them do a thousand more 9-11s on our soil. We didn't choose this war. War was internationally declared on us by the terrorists long before 9-11. It's sad that we didn't believe them until after 9-11. Now, it's just a matter of where the battles will be fought. They will come get us if we don't go to them. They are determined to kill us, and the battles will come to our soil sooner or later. In the meantime, our country has chosen to fight them wherever they are in the world. We really don't have a large number of choices if we wish to survive.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Science may classify man as an animal, but God does not. God created man separately and unique from animals with a conscience, soul, and spirit that answers to God. Animals do NOT answer to God, and neither do plants. God wouldn't care what scientists call man, but God uniquely called them man and woman, not animal. Animals and plants were made for the nourishment of man, and some animals were and still are used for beasts of burden or work. Jesus Christ did NOT die on the Cross for animals, rather for man.

The birds of the air, fish of the sea, and land animals do not include man, nor are they subject to judgment or condemnation. Almighty God, the Creator, called man "man", and He put man in dominion over all other creatures. Man was made in God's image, but animals were NOT. In short, plants and animals are food, but man is not. There isn't a single portion of the Holy Bible that suggests or hints anything different.

Regarding classification by scientists, The Creator already did that, and He doesn't agree.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Hello MusicLover,

It must be you because I understood Reba perfectly.  

I know that Reba is dead set against abortion, so it was sarcasm. Sister Reba would probably be thinking about giving a young lady a spanking for wearing a t-shirt like that.  

Love In Christ,
Tom

I feel like I've cheated on my diet just thinking about whipped molasses and butter.    We used to put it between two pieces of bread and ate it like a sandwich.

I don't know how many ways they sell real butter these days. I can't have it on my diet, fake or real. I read somewhere that fake butter was actually worse for your health than real butter, but I can't have either.

I remember churning our own butter. There were secrets about what to separate and when if I remember correctly. We actually got the milk from a cow, not the store.    My dad was a farm boy, but I wasn't, so I remember being pretty shocked to learn about milk, butter, cheese, and other dairy products.    There were also secrets about salt in making fresh butter. I think that it had something to do with taste and being a sort of preservative. I remember that you couldn't keep it long, but it didn't last long in our house anyway. The secrets to other diary products were in the separation, but I don't remember much. I do remember there were portions that were great for cakes. I believe they called it heavy cream.

I guess there were all kinds of secrets about how to make real butter with various tastes. I simply remember it being good. That was also a time when people were learning about all kinds of illness associated with milk not handled properly or kept clean. It was also a time of polio and all kinds of other dreaded diseases. Most people stopped making fresh diary products when they learned about homogenized products. However, I would risk it if I had a chance to taste fresh butter again.  

Love In Christ,
Tom

Luke O Said:

I guess it's purely a religious thing then i guess.  Depends on your view of the bible.

Brother, I would have to respectfully disagree. It has absolutely nothing to do with religion or the Bible, rather a personal choice by you. The Holy Bible is quite blunt and clear that God made many things for the nourishment of our bodies, including animals. There isn't even a hint in the Holy Bible that people shouldn't eat meat. The closest one can get is meat that was considered unclean under the Law for the Jews. Other than that, the teaching of the Holy Bible is the opposite - man may eat meat and give thanks for it.

So, being a vegetarian is a personal choice and has absolutely nothing to do with the Holy Bible. It's fine to make that choice, but it isn't fine to hint that the Holy Bible teaches it. Further, there is no hint that man is doing anything wrong by eating meat. So eat meat or don't eat meat, but you would be wrong to suggest that God doesn't want us to eat what he provided for our nourishment.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[AS TO THE LORD.]

JitC,

Your porch light is off. In fact, you might not have a porch light.

Real marriage involves vows before God. That's the only marriage that I recognize as being real. Many seek to defile marriage and others break their vows before God.

If you lack the fortitude or the reverence to God, don't make a vow, oath, or anything else that would be AS TO THE LORD. So, you need to remain single until you understand this portion of Scripture. Marriage vows are AS TO THE LORD. So are oaths.

Love In Christ,
Tom

 

Molasses whipped up with real butter! We are talking finger licking, lip smacking good. I would guess that some of the younger folks here don't know what molasses is. It's an old fashioned syrup, and the best was always home made.

UM???, now I'm wondering how many of the younger folks have ever tasted REAL butter.

Taste-bud deprivation is a terrible thing.    It ought to be against the law.

[HE IS A LIVING REALITY.]

Okay if you want to witness to me, don't scare me all right?   Sorry that was just a little weird. Um, well, I've been a Christian before, a strong one. But then...I drifted away from religion and I found that I felt...better.

farrer,

It is impossible to say that you were a strong Christian once and later say that you don't know Jesus. You never knew or met Jesus. It is a life changing experience you will never forget. Short of falling into a coma or loosing your mind, you either know Jesus or you don't. Many people go through the motions of going to church and other things without ever receiving Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour. HE lives in the hearts of those who have accepted HIM. The question about whether he exists or not is answered forever when HE lives in and fills your heart.

Once you have experienced the love of Jesus, HE IS A LIVING REALITY.

Love In Jesus,
Tom

Oklahoma Howdy to Luke O,

Almighty God gave us many things for the nourishment of our bodies, including the meat of animals. I have no problem at all with you being a vegetarian, but there is nothing in the Holy Bible about it being wrong for man to eat the things God has provided.

Giving thanks to God for whatever we eat is the least we can do to show our appreciation for what God has provided. This is really what this boils down do. If you feel badly about eating meat, don't eat it, but give thanks for the fruit and vegetables you do eat.

Love In Christ,
Tom