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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
285802 Posts in 27566 Topics by 3790 Members
Latest Member: Goodwin
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1  Fellowship / What are you doing? / Baptisms at our Church next week on: May 07, 2006, 10:21:34 PM
Not sure if this is this place to really put this post. We are having an exciting Baptism Celebration at our Church next Sunday. We are baptizing 10 people. We have a roster of 200 or so and average about 130 in our congregation on Sundays. It is exciting to me that we are baptizing approx. 5% of our members on one morning. Our Church has really been blessed this year so far. We have a wonderful new Pastor who is very enthusiastic about our Lord and has a desire for the lost. He is taking our congregation to new heights and our building committee is fixing to have to start planning full force.

Anyway, if this is the wrong area, please move to the correct area and I apologize.

2  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / And you think YOU had a bad day on: May 07, 2006, 10:09:09 PM
author unknown

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as  the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.  Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collarbone.  Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds.  I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body.  The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go of the rope!
3  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Friar Florists on: May 07, 2006, 09:58:48 PM
Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him. He asked his mother to go ask the friars to get out of business.  They ignored her.  So, the rival florist hired Hugh Mac Taggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop.  Terrified, the friars did so.

The Moral of the Story:  Wait for it....


Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars !!

4  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Reasons Not To Wash on: May 07, 2006, 09:51:27 PM
If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to other important areas of life you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in our logic.  For example: Reasons Not To Wash

1. I was forced to as a child.
2. People who make soap are only after your money.
3. I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.
4. People who wash are hypocrites-they think they are cleaner than everyone else.
5. There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.
6. I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.
7. None of my friends wash.
8. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
9. I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.
10. I can't spare the time
5  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / White Hairs on: May 07, 2006, 09:48:13 PM
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"
6  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re: Crazy dog on: May 07, 2006, 09:36:39 PM
You people laugh at this but we actually had a Rat Terrier that did the same thing with his tail. Needless to say I had to give him up because  it scared my wife and my sides hurt too much from laughing at this dysfunctional dog.
7  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re: remembering a great icon of the entertainment on: May 07, 2006, 09:14:15 PM
That celebritiy list is full of ghosts.    Grin Grin Grin

I heard the California Rasins met their demise from being dehydrated. Mrs. Butterworth got stuck in a sticky situation and was flattened like a pancake. Hungry Jack starved to death. Betty broke her crockery. Hostess Twinkies was kidnapped by a group of racoons. And Captain Crunch met his maker with a car cruncher.

I thought Cap'n Crunch was taken out by a Cereal Killer???

8  Welcome / About You! / Newbie from Central Florida on: May 06, 2006, 09:24:10 PM
Hello all,
Seen this website and thought I would join. I have a love for God as I see everyone else here does as well. I dedicated my life to Christ when I was 12 but it must not have took as my life did not show any testimony for Christ. I re-dedicated my life 3 years ago along with my new wife and we were baptized on the same day. I found a new life that I never knew existed. I am now the leader of our media ministry team at our church and work with the youth group on Wed. nights.

Look forward to reading and posting.

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