I have a question that's been weighing on me for the past week or so. It's about forgiveness.

I know that we are supposed to forgive people for what they do to us, because it's not to us to judge and dole punishments and such. But, my problem is this: how do you forgive someone when all they do is continue to throw it in your face that they have something (or in the case, someone) that you had and lost?

I've tried very hard to forgive my friend for what she did to me. I really have. And, perhaps for some things, I have. But I'm finding it difficult to forgive her completely. She wounded me, heart and soul, so deeply and throroughly that it will be a long time before I heal. You'd think that any feeling, loving human being would try to make amends and help mend these wounds, but she won't try. She makes no attempt to say she's sorry. She's smug and pompous, so very fake with me now. It's like she continues to gloat over my suffering.

As it stands, there's a lot of things that I've given over to God of late. I'm not going to try to control EVERY aspect of my life, because I know I can't. I just want to be able to forgive her... or just move on completely. But, I can't not forgive, and it's killing me that I don't know how.

HELP!

I really hope that this is in the right place. 

Hey everyone,

Sorry for the long absence. The Easter holiday came upon me quite suddenly, and I was whisked away home. But I'm back now, and I'll take more time and make more effort to navigate my way around the site and see what there is to see.

I suppose I can update everyone on my situation. The inevitable has in fact happened, and my ex is now dating my former best friend (I say former because her and I will never be as close as we once were). It's been almost 4 weeks since the break-up, but I think I'm going to be okay with that.

I've gone to each of them in turn and spoken with them openly and honestly about how I feel and what I think. They've each taken it to heart and we've three agreed that we'll do what we can to stay friends. I love them both and want them happy, so I'll be supportive in their decisions, but only to a degree. I won't put my neck out again, only to get my head cut off.

The ex and I have made amends, but the friend and I are slower at coming to that completely. She knows I'm wounded because she took him from me, and I haven't completely forgiven her. She also knows that there's a chance that I never will forgive her competely. But we're working on healing one anothers wounds, though mine run deeper than hers because it was two against one.

My stepmother advised me over Easter break that I should work in a limited capacity for the time being. Just lay low and don't exert any more effort than I need to where they are concerned. I understand what she means and I'm praying that my resolve to do something along those lines holds.

I want to thank you all for praying for me. It really helps me to know that there are people out there who will still do something so wonderful for someone they don't even know. It makes me think that there's hope for at least a large portion of the human race after all (that stems from my childhood, please don't judge me on that). For all that I've seen, done, and been through in my life, it's people like this community who will love and care about someone when all they have is words that has kept me alive recently. When I've come close to ending my pain in my own way, I've thought about all the people who are out there and working for me, and I stay my hand.

Thank you all for your hearts, and thank God for you all.

Love,
Wayfarer

I thank you all for your words of comfort and guidance. It's hard to face the day sometimes, knowing that I will see them together. I know that, in time, I'll be okay with it. But right now, I have a difficult time facing it. I know they're not dating one another, they have more respect for me than that. I just still wish that it was me that he was spending time with, or me that she was talking to. Days are empty because they're not around.

They've both told me to just be myself. But 'myself' is buried under a lot of pain right now. 'Myself' is wounded and in hiding. There's only a mask right now. They want me to be okay, they want me to get better, but I don't know how I can do that if they say they'll be there and aren't. It feels like a betrayal of their word every time they blow right past me to go off on some new adventure together. I don't know what to do.

I just want this to be over. I want this to be in the past. I want my friends back. That's all I ask God for anymore, but the road is so long, I don't know if I can walk it anymore.

I spoke with some friends, Little Pilgrim, my dear friend David, and the two for whom I am hurting, last night. My anger, as they all know, is quick and burns hot, but never long. Sometimes, I believe that I choose NOT to see what the Lord has given me. I choose NOT to see that He has blessed me many times more than I've been cursed.

I know that the Lord is there with me. I know that He never lets me walk alone. But I've suffered such depression in the last 8 or 10 years that sometimes my vision gets cloudy and I can't find the way. Yes, it's been that long. My past is riddled with pain, so this suffering is nothing new.

I'm the kind of person who loves openly and freely. I don't ask for much in return. I'll deny myself for others. I should know by now that this is the price I pay for it. But when I give so much of myself to others, put so much of who I am into making relationships work, pray so very hard for the strength to do right, just to have it all thrown away in a few spat words... it shakes the entire foundation of my world. I can't find a way to help people understand that about me. I've been called crazy many times in the past week for still wanting my ex and my best friend in my life. It's because I love them, and because I forgive them for what they've done to me, because I know I've hurt them. I need forgiveness. I need to know that they won't hate me.

Am I a bad person? Am I broken in some way that I'll fight for those I love, even when they won't fight for me?

I don't want to sound trite or anything, honestly I don't... but I've reached the point where I feel that prayer isn't helping. All the things I've prayed for... clarity, reconciliation, truth... none of it has come. I've shed so many tears... I shed them now speaking to my friend... and I'm so tired. I'm so beaten down by all the troubles that this life has battered me with. I don't feel any strength in me anymore. It's all I can do to get out of bed anymore.

I do believe in God. I do believe in the power and blood of Christ. I just feel, right now, that there's nothing in this life for me. That it's all being taken away because I don't deserve it. And it hurts, so badly does it hurt. I just want the pain to end.

Hello everyone.

I've come here on the urging of a dear friend of mine. He's been a wonderful part of my life for around 2 and a half years now, and has helped me in many ways. But, I'm afraid that he alone cannot help me this time.

Let me start by telling you about myself. I'm a 21 year old college student in North Carolina. On September 18, 2005, I was re-baptized in a true to heart ceremony and began my new walk with Christ. Since that time, I have met many challenges, most of which I have faced down and conquered. But this time... things weren't that easy to handle. I lost the love of the most wonderful man on Friday, March 24, and my best friend on Sunday, March 26. Though things have calmed down between the three of us, they are still running off together and cutting me out of their lives. I have gotten to the point where I feel abandoned on all fronts, even by the Lord. I'm sorry that I feel that way... I just don't understand what's happening to my life.

I really don't want to overload you all with my story. I was told that I would find... something... here. Something that I feel I'm lacking. Whether it be guidance, words of comfort, or even prayer, I will gladly accept it. I feel that I'm weak, that I can't go on. I hope that I haven't come here seeming like a pity case... I'm not. I'm just terribly lost and want so much to find my way again.

If there's anything else anyone would like to know, feel free to ask. I'll answer as I can.