Three Wishes Each for a Bear and a Rabbit

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and Immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."

Actual Directions

These are actual directions found on certain products around the
world!


1. Directions found on a bag of frito corn chips.
   "You could be a winner!!! No purchase neccessary!!! Details
   inside!"
   you think to your self (Shoplifters special)

2. On Tesco's Tiramisu Desert (directions on bottom)
   "Do not turn upsod down"
   (Too late)

3. On Marks & Spncers Bread Pudding.
   "Product will be hot after heating"
   (Just as day follows night)

4. On most kinds of christmas lights.
   "Indoor and outdoor uses ONLY"
   (As opposed to what now?)

5. On Sainsbury's peanuts.
   "WARNING CONTAINS NUTS!!!"
   (Talk about your news flash)

6. Found on an American Airlines Packet of peanuts.
   "Step One: Open packet. Step two: Eat nuts."
   You think to your self (Step three: Fly Delta)

7. On a sweedish chinsaw.
   "Warning! PLease do not try to stop with hands or
   genitals!!"

The Test

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

Censorship: A Question of Irony?

So, I was looking through the Prelinger Video Archives collection of 1940 through 1960's "Social Guidance" and other educational films. While most are good today only for a laugh, there are some relevant even today. (I'd like the Bush White House to all be tied to their seats to watch the cautionary piece on "Despotism.") Most films are downloadable in several video formats.
However, I was a bit disconcerted at the message I found when I checked the listing for "Censorship: A Question of Judgement?":

<hxxp://ggg.archive.org/movies/details-db.php?collection=prelinger&collecti onid=19437>


"This movie is currently unavailable for download because it cannot be located on our servers.  We apologize for the inconvenience and hope to have access to this movie restored as soon as possible."

Oklahoma Howdy to Allinall,

Brother, I hate to be the bearer of bad news.    I believe that Oklahoma still has a semi-pro women's football team in Oklahoma City. I might be able to make arrangements for you to get some experience on the line in one of their practice sessions. However, I couldn't bear to watch the mayhem. We'll send flowers to the hospital if you survive.    I would suggest that you line up against one of their centers and get all of the pain and agony over with quickly, all at once. UM!! - I can almost visualize one of them carrying you under one arm to the ambulance.  

And a fishing I will go tomorrow.

All those quotes look strange......  

Yeah...almost 3D...

[GIRL]

Yup.  Tis true.  I've gone to the 11th seed.  Sincereheart has officially trounced me.  I've been beat.  By a GIRL[/b].

*Weeps openly*

 

Awwwwwwwww
It could be worse........ You could have been trounced by ME!! a newbie to this forum.
But the Chasing Allinall thread which you had alot to do with has passed BULL.

Nope.  That would have been good, honest competition, as opposed to gender-benefitted speakage wherein, as a male, I am genetically incapable of speaking/writing so much.  Shame really.  Women can communicate so much better and to a far greater capacity than a man.  I was doomed to begin with.  Oh well.  There's always football!  

Join the club, I am not much on speaking or writing. And ya the women do write and express themselves much better.
I hate football, I like racing.

I don't believe I made 22 post today, in the other site where I am a moderator. I must be bored today.
I posted alot of information on weapons for a different war.

I don't like the media either. I wish I could just bring my tv outside and shoot it, but the wife won't let me

However, the abuse of the Iraqi POWs is going to further motivate the enemy, which means they will fight harder, and more of our soldiers will die. So in my opinion any negative publicity is well deserved. (As long as the blame is placed on those who deserve the blame. Blaming someone so high up the chain of command, like Bush, is just an unscrupulous politcal move.)

They will fight harder, look whats happening now. More fighting, more death. The Media needs to be held accountable for some of their actions, (this being one of them.) Yes you are right it is a political move on Kerrys part.

[Highlander]

Mine is Highlander, yes I know the problems with it but, I noticed how its kept fairly clean. I am also a Scot-Irish, so it a pleases me. Not many shows on TV do.

[exactly]

I wonder if I can catch up.....

Only if you start this thread:

"The Sincerely Sincereheart Sincere Thread Boosting Post."



Ollie

LOL! But do you think it might be lacking in..... well, sincerity?

Well, perhaps just a small lacking. But what it lacks in sincerity is made up for in its assumed redundancy.

So it's okay to sacrifice sincerity in order to be repetively redundant? Sadly, the ease of acceptance of that has been all too simple!  

Let the redundancy be sincerity. Then that which is lacking becomes the repetitive and the ease of acceptance will go from simple to mundane.

LOL! So I just need to be sincerely redundant. I think that has been accomplished!  

Yup i sureeeeeeeeeee has.  

And it's getting worse....  

All this is getting confusing. What is the current post count?

Getting? More like GOTTEN! I have no idea!  

well in about 28 more post you will have 100 post more then Allinall

I'm afeared I could be in big trouble!  

Hows that??

I'm afeared that Allinall is gonna wallop me upside the head!  

Na he won't hurt you. If anything he is laughing at both of us.

*Looks for the camera DW installed on his PC so as to be able to tell exactly[/b] what he is doing*  

Hee hee hee
Look hard and far, y'all will never find it.
:nana: :nana:

Maybe I was unclear before.  Does that help?  If not, no harm no foul on my part.  

Yes much clearer, for me you weren't that clear before. As you said, no harm no foul on my part, as well.

Thermos

A cop walks into Dunkin' Donuts. He says, "Excuse me, miss...how many cups of coffee do you think this thermos will hold?" She says, "I think it's a seven-cup thermos." He says, "All right.......give me two black, three cream and sugar."

Dead Mouse in The Hot Chile

A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile.
The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."