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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
286776 Posts in 27568 Topics by 3790 Members
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33571  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine on: June 15, 2004, 01:47:56 AM
Duck Hunting In Texas

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a duck, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence from where the lawyer shot.

As the lawyer started to climb over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him just what the heck he thought he was doin'.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "You just hold on a dadburn minute. This is my property, and thar's no way yur comin' over that thar fence."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own!

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things down here in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Texas Three-Kick' rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Texas Three-Kick Rule'?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, 'till someone gives."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and ambled up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's shins, causing him to hop on one foot. His second kick knocked the man right off his feet. With the lawyer flat on his back the farmer's third kick caused him to see stars.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will, managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiled and said,
"No way, mister, I give up. You can have the duck!"
33572  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine on: June 15, 2004, 01:45:08 AM
Going Fishing


  A woman goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Walmart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10-pound test line... It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's just what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register.

In the meantime the woman passes gas. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way he could tell it was her, being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes Ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00,
the duck call is $3.00 and the catfish bait is $2.50.
33573  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine on: June 15, 2004, 01:41:34 AM
THUNDER AND LIGHTNING

A small child walked daily to and from school. Though  the weather one morning was questionable and clouds  were forming, this child made the daily trek to the elementary school.

As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning.

The mother was worried that her child would be frightened walking back home from school, and she herself feared  the electrical storm might harm her child.

Following the roar of the thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword.  Being concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school.  Soon she saw her small child walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up at the sky and smile.

One followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called and asked, "What are you doing!"

Her child answered,
"I'm smiling for God, He keeps taking pictures of me."
33574  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine on: June 15, 2004, 01:40:31 AM
TIGHT FIT
 
  Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on?

 He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

 He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to do. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

 He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She than mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots onto his feet again.

 She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,

"I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
 
33575  Theology / Prophecy - Current Events / CONSTRUCTING WORLD ORDERS on: June 15, 2004, 12:51:47 AM
I was doing some research tonight and found out about construction of a world order. This confrence takes place, Sept. 9-11 2004.

The Fifth Pan-European Conference on International Relations will take place in The Hague - the Legal Capital of the World. The Peace Palace hosting the International Court of Justice, the Yugoslav Tribunal, the International Criminal Court, Europol and other international law serving institutions symbolise the construction of a world order in which ideas matter as much as material power.

Full details are available on the SGIR website
http://www.sgir.org/conference2004

The only problem is the link is dead. It may because I am in the U.S. Do any of my brothers or sisters in Christ know what this is about?

Thank you
Go in peace with God.
DW
33576  Theology / Debate / Re:death penalty right or wrong? on: June 14, 2004, 05:32:19 PM
Suppose someone comes over to your house and hacks your wife or your husband and kids to death with a a sharp implement.  

Then would it be justice for you to have to house him, even if in a small hole his entire life?

What I don't get is this idea that if someone comes over and hacks someone to death or rapes anyone and has them for dinner, that we should have to house them.  Give that person a place to stay.  That doesn't sound like justice to me.
I will answer you statement in parts.
Suppose someone comes over to your house and hacks your wife or your husband and kids to death with a a sharp implement.
Forgivness is totally in Gods hands. I have been there, I know. I have forgiven him, and helped him towards God. I remember, and at times it is painful but, the hand of God lifts my sorrow, and shows his mercy with his helping hands.

Then would it be justice for you to have to house him, even if in a small hole his entire life?
Yes it is justice, least for me. Two wrongs do not, make a right.

What I don't get is this idea that if someone comes over and hacks someone to death or rapes anyone and has them for dinner, that we should have to house them.  Give that person a place to stay.  That doesn't sound like justice to me.
It is justice, justice is again, in the hands of God. We, the human race, do not have the right to take a life, except in time of war. The bible accepts war, not taking a life. The Bible says, turn the other cheek. This is what I have done, turn the other cheek.
33577  Theology / Prophecy - Current Events / Re:ORDERING A PIZZA IN 2010 on: June 14, 2004, 05:22:16 PM
ORDERING A PIZZA IN 2010

Cry
33578  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Happy Berfday Willowbirch on: June 13, 2004, 11:21:40 AM
Happy Berfday Willowbirch Here is your present from me.
33579  Entertainment / Animals and Pets / Re:Cats are Evil! on: June 13, 2004, 11:19:25 AM
LOL! Poor yoyostick! It's a banner that says:

"People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. ~Faith Resnick"

Course, today's cats aren't much of a threat to the life of a mouse!  Wink
LOL don't tell my cats that, they love catching and playing with mice.
33580  Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:The All-Out Allinall Thread Boosting Post on: June 13, 2004, 10:39:42 AM
*shocked look here*
LOL
Good you needed that sincereheart. Grin

Gee thanks..... Roll Eyes


 Tongue
Your welcome sister. Grin
33581  Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:Sneaking on up on: June 13, 2004, 10:39:13 AM
You and I would never, stoop so low, would we?

If you two stooped any lower, you'd be crawling!  Tongue
ROFL!!
Not us we aren't even close to crawling. who knows mabe one day we will Grin

So you're saying that you're hoping to rise enough to reach the crawling level?  Grin
I'm walkin'
Yes indeed I'm walkin'
That's a duck walk!  Tongue
Nope, thats crab walkin' for you. Grin
33582  Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:Sneaking on up on: June 13, 2004, 10:38:26 AM
You and I would never, stoop so low, would we?

If you two stooped any lower, you'd be crawling!  Tongue

I prefer to think of it as locomotively challenged...

Choo choo! Tongue
Oh lookie sincereheart, I found your train. Grin


Awwww thanks....... but you should keep it. Really!  You and Allinall - since you're locomotively (and just plain loco) challenged!  Grin
No its your train, so I insist you keep it.  Grin
33583  Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:Chasing Allinall Thread.... on: June 13, 2004, 10:37:13 AM
A shovel just for you since you can dig it!

Awwwwww, thanks sincereheart, I use it to bury the new world order. Grin
33584  Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:Dead. Doornail Dead. on: June 13, 2004, 10:34:42 AM
Should we take up a love offering and GET YOU SOME GLASSES??  Angry

  Grin
Why should I get more glasses, when the pair I have I just got last month. Grin

Cause apparently, that prescription AIN'T working.... Tongue
Oh they work very well, you just don't know how well they work. Grin
33585  Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:Let's make this a forum solely for christians! on: June 13, 2004, 12:45:59 AM
Quote
Yoystick
We don't want to put out the picture that we're a bunch of sensitive snobs
Since when does "not wanting to be ridiculed" make you a sensitive snobb.

Quote
Dreamweaver
Also banning people from the site will allow Satan, to have a field day.
No, it wont, it will allow christians to have a field day. It will be a loss for Satan that he can no longer use his Atheists to break the spirits of christians, and create strife among them, which is typical for christian forums w/atheists.
No because we will not being allow to share the word with the unbelievers. Therefore we would not be spreading the word of God.
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