33541
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Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine
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on: June 16, 2004, 03:04:49 AM
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"The millionare with alligators"
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!
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33542
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Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine
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on: June 16, 2004, 03:03:33 AM
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"Is The Dog Dead?"
A woman took her dog to the vet "Doctor," she said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
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33543
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Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine
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on: June 16, 2004, 03:02:54 AM
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"The Blondes Who Finished The Jigsaw Puzzle"
A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"
One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"
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33544
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Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine
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on: June 16, 2004, 03:01:55 AM
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"Mickey Mouse Wants A Divorce"
Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie. Mickey (stunned): Why not? Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy. Mickey (exasperated): Your honor! I didn't say she was crazy... I said she was Goofy!
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33545
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Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine
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on: June 16, 2004, 02:59:10 AM
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I know this one is a GROANER!!!!
"The Widower Playing Golf"
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eys, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
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33550
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Entertainment / Computer Hardware and Software / Re:Oklahoma Thunderstorms
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on: June 16, 2004, 12:55:42 AM
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BEP: You get your new puter yet?
Forrest, Yes, Brother, I got it. It's been 10 years since I bought a computer, so I'm reading the instructions carefully before I put it up. Everything is almost like Greek with all of this new stuff. I'm also trying to copy family photos and other personal things I would hate to lose before pulling the plug on the old one. I imagine a puff of smoke of it gasping its last breath any moment. I think that I got a super deal on what I could afford and got an HP M495c. It has an Intel Pentium 4 - 3.2 ghz processor, so I guess it would be a middle of the road machine. I had no idea that the speeds were now up over 4 ghz, but I really don't need one of the big ones anyway. It is 6 times faster than what I had, so I'm sure that I will be happy. I'll let you know more when I find out what everything is. I assume it was some sort of door buster at Sam's. It has a Windows XP Media Center OS, and I'd never heard of that either. It will definitely do what my wife and I want to do with it, plus some. So, we will jump in with both feet and learn something completely new again. Tomorrow will be the day I put it together. I'm hoping to be doing basic things with it by this time tomorrow, God willing. Love In Christ, Tom Well your clock speed is ahole lot faster then mine is, only 233 Mhz.
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33551
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Entertainment / Computer Hardware and Software / Re:Problems
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on: June 16, 2004, 12:53:37 AM
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Oklahoma Howdy to Dreamweaver, Yup we sure are hostages. I alway thought that it was against the law to hold hostages. Microsoft just found a legal way to do it. They have had a few problems along the way with practices related to monopolies and unfair business practices. They've also had recent problems with entire countries dumping the Microsoft OS and going to open source type software, like various flavors of Linux. They also replaced the super expensive Microsoft Office with the open source and completely compatible FREE Open Office. There are alternatives, and those alternatives are getting better by the day. Love In Christ, Tom I will be downloading Open Office tonight. I'll let you know what I think of it blackeyedpeas.
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33553
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Theology / Debate / Re:death penalty right or wrong?
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on: June 16, 2004, 12:43:19 AM
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The death penalty isn't about protection - lifelong incarceration achieves that just as well. The death penalty is about vengance, and vengance isn't ours to give out.
Bingo, it is the Lord that hands out vengance. Great posted ebia, thats what everyone wanted to know about me. Is why I didn't want the death penalty. Its not mine to ask for or, to request.
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33555
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Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:Sneaking on up
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on: June 16, 2004, 12:35:56 AM
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You and I would never, stoop so low, would we?
If you two stooped any lower, you'd be crawling! ROFL!! Not us we aren't even close to crawling. who knows mabe one day we will So you're saying that you're hoping to rise enough to reach the crawling level? I'm walkin' Yes indeed I'm walkin' That's a duck walk! Nope, thats crab walkin' for you. Ok, I'll accept that! Long as it's one of those low to the ground ones! Nope you are a high wire act.
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