Tom,

  I understand I am not the only one at fault here but I have to deal with my part in it.
I'm not going to try and salvage my marraige at this point. Too much has happened the
last few years and I think we both need time to heal and figure things out.  I'm trying
to follow Gods prompting and get the healing started. I'm not sure if there will ever
be a future for us again but I can't worry about that now. I am trying to learn from my
mistakes and move forward the best I can.  The pain will be with me for a long time.(maybe forever)
If that's the case then I guess that will just make me lean on God more.

Thanks for the wise counsel and the prayers.

Dave

Thanks Tom,

  I have been "exercising some demons" lately. I guess I should say God has been pointing out
a few things I need to fix.

  Laying awake in bed a few nights ago long after I went to bed I couldn't sleep. I had already done
my nightly devotionals and couldn't fall asleep. I've had a lot of slepless nights since my wife told me
she was leaving. That night God brought to my mind what I had also done in my relationship with my
wife. It broke me. I had been selfish. I don't think I was selfish on purpose but I was selfiish.
I held our relationship up to a standard no one could live up to.

  I grew up in a very loving home. I never saw conflict between my parents. They always kept that
part from us kids. That was my image of what married life was all abouit. No conflict. My wife on the
other hand came from a broken home that saw conflict all the time.When my own marriage hit snags
I didn't know how to deal with it properly. I didn't realize it then but I think I blamed her. I think I
expected her to be perfect even when I wasn't. I didn't see my imperfections.

  My wife keeps telling me she never felt good enough and that she could never measure up to my standards.
I never understood what she meant. She could never point to a time when I made her feel like she wasn't
good enough. So I just passed it off as her imagination.  I was wrong.  I was holding us both up to a standard
that was impossible to obtain.

  Anyway. I should have tried to understand and try to see things from where she came from. I should have been selfless in my marriage. I wasn't.

 Fortunately She hadn't gone to bed yet so I went into the room across the hall where she is sleeping now and we had a long talk. I told her what God revealed to me and that I was sorry for putting her through that. I told
her it was OK to blame me and to hate me. She said she wouldn't do that and was happy I shared that with her.


 We have talked more deeply the last few days since then than we have in years. I know she is still leaving and it still hurts like crazy. I know I have issues that I need God to reveal still and so does she. At least we won't part hating each other. Maybe at the moment that's the best I can hope for.

 God is doing a work in us and it scares the hell out of me literally. I don't want to go through this pain and I don't want that for her either.  But who am i to questions God and his ways? I'll just hold on and pray that we can both glorify him when it's over.

God Bless,
Dave

Thanks Tom.

  Yeah I guess I khew it was over before. I blamed myself quite a bit for a while then moved on to blaming her.
I'm trying to get a handle on the whole thing now. Emotions are like a roller coaster right now and I'm hardly sleeping. I know that will pass in time. I am reading a good book right now that has shed some light on what
I'm going through. It's by a Christian couple that have been where I am now. One thing I learned is that
she is the one taking the easy way out (doing the immature thing) instead of doing the hard thing staying around and working on it. Somehow that makes me feel better. I know I had a part in it but at least I never quit.

Anyway.... Small steps now..I will be be Ok in time. When I come out the on other side I can only hope
it will bring glory to God.

Well I found out on Monday there is another guy in the picture. I guess I should have known. I will continue to try and make things as easy as possible for both of us for her departure. 

  Keep giving it to God but sometimes it feels like he isn't listening. I know he is though.

That's a roger there D, lol

Thanks again Tom

OK Tom.... er Roger.

I meant Welcome Lee. I took it that your name was Roger because of the "Thank you Roger"

Welcome Roger.

No Progress. She is determined to go. I seem to be more at peace with the thought of her leaving.  I imagine as the date gets closer I will get a bit of anxiety over it but I will be OK as will my son.

Thanks everyone.
What a rollercoaster ride the last week. Things are starting to level off.  Now the countdown begins I guess.
Nothing to do now but give it to God and pray she will be OK once she leaves on Oct 10th.

Is it wrong to be tired of blaming myself for a marraige falling apart? Is it wrong to be tired of feeling like I'm  the only one for the past 15 years who tried to keep this marraige together and tried to keep things normal for my son?
Is it wrong to be angry at my wife (who is Bi Polar) for doing so many hurtful things to me and my son and insisted it was partly my fault because I was holding back my affection from her?  How do I get her to understand that I was tired of being betrayed and hid my emotions to keep from being hurt again? How do I get her to understand that I felt like the only adult in this relationship most of the time?

  How do I stop loving the part of her I see when she isn't under the effects of her disease? How do I stop hating the part of her that couldn't care less about anyone else but herself when the manic part of her shows up?.That's the part of her I see more and more the past 2 years. How do I stop being afraid for her if she  gives into her disease?

 Is it wrong to want this marraige to end?  Am I stupid for still seeing the good in her and still being in love with that part of her? I wish we could go back to a time before the Bi Polar showed up. I wish she would remember how great it was then and understand why I fought so hard for so long to make this work.



  I'm not expecting any answers. I'm just confused and needed to vent I guess. Maybe this isn't the best part of the Forum to get into this stuff.  If that's the case please feel free to move it to the proper area. 
Thanks

I live in Michigan. The economy is bad here. I lost my job of 15 years as a Pagkaging Design engineer. My son was about to start college. I was scared to death.  I prayed and put it in Gods hands and sent out my resume's .

A door opened. The job was an hour drive away with a company that I absolutly couldn't  stand working for.
I took a cut in pay to work there but it allowed me to continue to pay the bills. I hated the long drive in to go to a place I didn't like working at. In short.... I was miserable. I continued to thank God for providing.   After 5 months of this I had all but given up on being happy at work again. I was out on my back deck one morning before work.(Alone time with God) I prayed "If this is where You want me then Your will be done." "Show me why you want me here and I will do it. " I told God I couldn't do this on my own and I finally gave it to Him.  Work was still as miserable but my attitude wasn't. I made a connection that turned into a now good friend. I hope to lead her to Christ soon.

  About a month later out of nowhere a job offer came through. I got the new job and I've been workimg there about 6 months now. I still drive an hour 1 way but I don't mind. I love the company and the people I work with. I'm also making more money than ever before. I'm still working on my friend from my last job to lead her to Christ.

Where he leads I will go.

Tom,

   Thanks for the welcome.

   I believe most of our issues stem from my wife being Bi-Polar. We have been to counseling a few years back and got
her on medication. Things smoothed out quite a bit for a while. She has gone off the meds and refuses to admit she still needs them. About a year ago she began drinking again. (the worse thing you can do when Bi-Polar) .

  To make a long story short. She has no interest in further counseling and won't listen when tell her we can still salvage us.   I have decided to hand it over to God. At the moment I can only pray she comes to know Christ in a real way with or without me.

Thanks again.
Dave

Thanks Tom.

Wow.... This sounds like the same thing I'm going through with my wife. She is a Christian and is behaving the same way as you describe your Husband is.   We meet with her lawyer on Tuesday.

  I feel for you and will pray for you . I know this is probably the hardest thing you have ever faced.
 God is our refuge and our hiding place. 

Dave

My name is Dave. This is my first time to this site. I found it through a Google add on.
I am 52 yrs old. I have a 19 yr old son in college and living with me.  I have been a Christian
for most of my adult life. I would like to tell you I'm happily married but unfortunalely I can't. My wife of 21
years just informed me a week ago she is leaving me and moving to the other side
of the country.  So even though I assumed we were good I guess I must have missed the signs.
Love is blind??? 

  Anyway. I hope to be able to contribute to the community as well as draw some strength from you.

Thanks
Dave