what a strong young christian woman you are.  i have been saved for numerous years, and still find it hard to talk to strangers about the Lord.  i hope my neighbors see me as someone who is different.  that i have something special that they don't have.  i hope others see me as a living testimony for the lord.

i praise you for everything you are doing, but please also be careful.  i will pray for you.

god bless, gina

have any of you heard about this,  it was brought to our attention at bible study last night at church.  3 christian men were slaughtered at this bible study in turkey.  they were slaughtered by 5 men who had managed to get invited to this bible study.  the 5 men were all in their 20's, and said they did it for ala.  these 3 christian men, kissed their wives and families good bye and went to the bible study, and as soon as one of the men started the meeting in prayer, the 5 men struck.  i am praying for their families, and for the souls of these 5 young men.  they were meeting in secret because turkey is a muslim country, and you had to be invited to the meeting you couldn't just walk in off the street.  so these 5 men planned this for a while. 

gina

i am praying for you too.  i am not a super christian either, and have had my problems too.  i know that the only way i am getting thru them is with god.  i know he is there for me and that he loves me.  and he loves you too and he is with you thru all your trials.  just hang in there, and keep on praying, it does help.

gina

growingingrace, my prayers are with you as you search for your job.  and as you battle depression.  just know that the lord is always with us, whenever we need him.

gina

hi tiger lily,

you don't know me, but i am seperated at this time too.  i have posted a couple of times about this situation.  my husband is not being mean or nasty, he wants me to have the house, but he is being emotionally abusive to some extent. he wants to be able to come to the house and spend time with the kids while he is dating his friend.  i told him it doesn't work that way, he keeps running back and forth between us and i told him that doesn't work either. so i know sort of what you are going thru.  and i pray that god will be with you thru this as he has been with me.  how old are your kids? ours are 13, 17, and 18. but it still affected them and still is.  so i will pray that you can keep your kids out of it.  but you do have to let go of some of your anger.  i know it will be hard to do, it took me 2years and a nasty email to his friend to finally let go of mine, also alot of prayer.  god has seen me thru so much.  and i know he will see you thru this.

god bless

gina

praying for those being affected by this bout of bad weather.  i shouldn't say it but we in nova scotia, canada, are having really nice weather, lots of sun. but alot of wind.

take care, and god bless

gina

i agree with submitting to your husbands, however what about a husband that doesn't want to be the head of the household.  and i am sorry for himall4 that you went thru in your past.  i am sorry you were abused and by the sounds of some of the things you have said to me that you have gotten yourself out of that situation.  the lord does want us to submit to our husbands, but when that husband is abusive, both physically and emotionally that is when we have to rethink the submissive part, because no one i mean no one deserves to be abused.  i pray for those who are in those situations and don't know how to get out of them.  so i am thankful that you have gotten out.

gina

thank you both for what you have said to me.  i know god loves me.  i really do. and i know i matter to him too.  and yes i am trying to turn everything over to him.  and not to worry about things.  too much.  i told my husband this morning that i want the truth, even though it hurts that i am none hiding from it.  and the truth is he wants to leave but is scared to because he says it is the kids, and i told him it is because he can get not guarantees from his friend that she can put him first in her life.  and he doesn't want to be alone
he admits he has some sort of feeling for me, but he does not want to explore it for some reason.  i am hanging on to him, and he is trying to hang on to her.
i admitted to him today that i am alot of debt, and i don't know how i am going to get out of it.  i told him some of it was his fault because he made it hard to go to him for money if i was short. and some of it was my fault because instead of turning to food for comfort i turned to shopping.  which was wrong.  i tell myself now that if i can't pay cash then i can't have it.  and now save all my small silver and roll it up to have a little extra money for things.  i said how do you think i afforded christmas, the kids birthdays.  i babysit in my own home, i love it, i don't make alot of money but it pays the bills, just.  so there was never enough money for extras, so i used credit, stupid of me wasn't it.  he said we will go into the bank and remortgage the house and pay off my debt.  i said just another excuse you will use to leave.  that you will be mad at me for.  i just don't know what to do anymore, i just keep on praying and talking with you here on cu, and also my pastor's wife she has been a great support to me.

gina

thank you for that.  himall4,  i don't have love in my life, i don't get it from my family, my parents are out for themselves and always havee been.  they don't know how to love.  my father is a user, and i try not to be like him, and i know that with jesus in my life i won't be like him. i will be like jesus.  i strive to be like him.  i thought i had love with my husband, i knew there was something wrong years ago, and then things seemed to change for the better.  he says they didn't but they did.  i know my kids love me, but that is a different kind of love.  i am very insecure about love and my self.  i sometimes think i don't deserve to be loved by anyone.  but i know that is my low self esteem talking and i try not to listen to it that often. 

gina

i am struggling, we talked and talked on saturday.  but not really about anything, sunday i went to choir practice, and he called me there, said he had talked to her and that she was going to back off for her, that the email i sent her bothered her, that she did not leave him alone to give me a chance.  i told him i wanted him to make the decision not her, not me.  he does not want to make the decision.  he then came to church for the evening service, we came home but made a stop at the local corner store for some munchies.  we came home and he went upstairs and i was putting the things away that we got, and our neice and nephews were over with their dad.  they asked where was he at and i said he went upstairs, i thought he was changing, but then i realized that he had on work clothes, so i went upstairs to change and he was on the phone with her, in our bedroom.  i went and sat on our stairs and cried a little.  he came out of the room, and i said this isn't going to work she couldn't even last 3 hours.  how is she going to back off.  i asked him what was more important, spending time here with us and his extended family, or spending time with her.  he said truth and i said yes, he said it is close.  he doesn't want to leave because he missses things here, but when he is not with her he misses her.  he wants to be able to date her and come and go as he pleases here.  i told him that does not work.  i told him this morning before he went to work that i can't do this if she is involved.  i wanted him to choose, so he would not come back at me that i made him choose.  that i made him give her up.  i asked him also if he wanted me to ask him to leave, and he said not really.  i just don't know anymore.  i had prepared my self that he was going to leave again.  i am just doing alot of praying.   i told him that when we talk and i close my eyes for a few minutes that i am praying, praying for him and for me that i will say the right things to him, also to think things through. 

i am so thankful for my home church praying for me, and for all of you praying for me.

in christ's abiding love,  i know jesus loves me, but i also need the physical love, someone to hug me, someone to hold me, someone to share my life with.

gina

hi thank you all for your prayers, things are not good right now.  he spent the night, i slept on the couch.  he is trying to decide if he should stay or go once again.  i told him he could stay if he could be a husband to me the way he should be, and if he can give her up.  he says he doesn't think he can give her up.  and he doesn't know if he can treat me the way he should.  i said that is because you are all consumed with her, she pushed me out of your heart and now she is trying  to push me from your life.  i said you have some feelings for me or you would not have any trouble leaving this time.  but he doesn't want to look at them because of her.  she emailed me a nasty email, but i know that it was just in rebuttal to mine i sent her.  mine was almost 2 years of anger that i never got to direct at her.  i have been having migraines over this, and as soon as i sent it, all the tension left my body.  i prayed before i sent it too, so i know both helped.  he says this time he is finding it hard to leave because he feels like he is leaving his kids this time.  i think that is because he knows he is leaving because of her this time, because of his feelings for her.  i asked him to go talk with our pastor or another male friend and he wouldn't go.  i said they might have a different perspective than i do.  they are not in our sitution, they are not a female.  they understand male thinking more than i do.

just keep on praying that god will direct this matter. thanks for being there for me.  sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers and not face to face per say. 

gina

help, i didn't let sleeping dogs lie.  i asked earlier if i should email this lady or not, well i did this morning.  first i talked to him, and told him that he had to make a choice.  he was still having contact with her, emails, text messages adn a couple of phone calls.  he has told me that she was trying to fix things so that they could get back together.  i said this morning if you are waiting for her again you have to go back down to your mom's and get a lawyer, or if you decide to be here then there has to be no contact with her.  i said how many chances did you give her, and how many did i give you, he said lots.  but then i said you really haven't given me a chance.  i can't go on like this anymore.  being hurt for almost two years is long enough.  so he went to work and i sat down at this computer, and re-read her emails that she had sent me.  i got even more mad and upset.  so i called him at work and asked him to tell me not to email her, and he said i don't want you too but i can't ask you not to because she contacted you too.  so i let him go and prayed and then i sent it to her.  well she emailed back and said she wasn't going to read it, and that he would tell her what it said.  i emailed back that he couldn't i just emailed it to her.  she emailed back quote"he does now!!! i just forwarded it to him, i am on the phone with him now".  so he read it, and now is mad at me for a couple of things i put in it, that he did not want her to know about. like that he spent the night with me after my nephew's funeral and that we did something that night.  she had asked him if he had and he lied to her and told her no.  i told her the truth, i was fed up with him and her and tired of him always asking me not to tell her things to protect her from things, nobody protected me from them, not even myself i allowed him to use me when i shouldn't of.
so now he is mad, and right at the moment i don't care.  i am fed up, he has crushed my spirit i don't know how many times.  he says i did it for pay back, but i did not, i am just tired of always hurting, and him putting her first all the time.  i know i probably screwed this up for me and him to fix things but he did not want to commit to me because he was waiting to see if she could fix things for them to be together.  i am not sorry for sending it, and i told him i will not back down from this, that i finally got my back bone.

pray for me, that i did the right thing, that he will finally see what his decisions to do me.  that i had to do this for me.  i am tired of being walked all over by the both of them.

gina

he goes to church with me on sunday mornings, since he has come back he has gone one sunday night, and two wednesday nights.  i asked him last night if he would go talk to the pastor and he said he would think about it.  i then asked him if he would go with me to talk to the pastor and he said we'll see.  so well i just keep on praying that god is in control of my life and he knows what is in my heart.  thanks for praying for me.

god bless,

gina

thank you, i will keep praying for god's direction in this situation.  i told him i wanted a relationship with him, i just did not want to co-exist with him, co-habitat with him.  i want to be involved in his life and i want him involved in mine.  right now he sits on the couch trying not to look miserable because he says he misses her so much.  he saw her yesterday at his committee meeting and said when he came home yesterday afternoon he was fine with being here, but as the day wore on he didn't want to be here but stayed.  he said he saw the difference in his feelings for her and me.  he still says he does not love me.  that he only loves her.  that he never really had any room in his heart for me ever.  but he says he is hoping by spending time with me that things will change, but i asked him how that works when he still won't really let go of her.  i am so confused, i just keep turning to the lord in pray for help in this.

god bless those who are praying for me

gina

yeah the good ole days, who still write letters now a days.  it is so simple just to sit and type at the computer.  i do have a question though, i have written an email to this other person, it is not a very nice email, i did not call her names, but told her what i thought of her and the situation she and him have created, now do i send it.  i have written before and not sent them because i just needed to vent and let things out before i took them out on my kids or someone else who didn't deserve it.  i know if i do send it, he will be mad at me because he is always trying to protect her from me, i was never allowed to upset her or contact her..  i have prayed about this and i don't know if god is saying yes to send it, or if it is just what i want?  thanks for praying...

gina