Hello everyone,

I have a story that I would like to share with my sisters in christ.  I have been running from god pretty much all of my life.  Although I accepted Christ as my savior years ago, I honestly did not know what that meant in turns of how my life was going to change.  I had been a smoker for many years by this point and prayed continuously for deliverance, which never came until 3 years ago before I became pregnant with my third child.  I thought god must not love me to allow me to wallow in my sins.  I once said, WHY does he not deliver me, when he had delivered  so many other individuals from their personal sins or vices. So I decided to run a way from god he did not love me.  Well, he kept comming back!  Try as I may not to think about him or not to make an attempt to live a life pleasing to him,  he still kept comming back.  My life is in shambles.  I keep experiencing the same old things in my life. WHY,  " The bible says to consider your ways"  I guess I would have saw that If I would have taken the time to read my bible like most christians do.  Lately, god has been knocking on the door of my heart, and I feel terrible for not even taking the time to consider how god must feel that his own child does not even care about his feeling enough to make an attempt to live a life that is pleasing before him.  You see ladies, I was under the assumption that when Christ saved you, that was it. That I had NO responsibility whatsoever in trying to please god, that he was going to blow on me and I would be therefore perfect!  Well, through the circumstances of my life, god has brought me to the point where I totally surrender my life, my goals, my children and husband into his care, and I know realize that I thought I was in control of my life, I controlled nothing! and that god, out of his love for me, allowed the circumstances of my life to consume me to the point, where I finally soften my heart and allowed him to show me what was really in my heart.  The love of SELF and SELF only.  I thought not about his feelings or what I could do to please god, I was all about WHAT god could do for me.  I could go on and on, but you ladies get my point.  God could have allowed me to continue on the path of distruction, but out of his deep love for me, he opened my eyes and allowed me to see myself as he does for the first time in years.  Run as you may, when god loves, he loves, no matter how far or fast you run, god oh god will always be one step ahead saying.  I knock at the door, hear my voice and let me in.  He never leaves or forsakes us!

Be blessed
PGriggs