I just wanted to give praise to God for answering my prayers about my husband to start treating me better. On last Saturday we were able to talk things out and hopefully, get things solved. Thanks be to God for His mercy and grace.
I'm wondering if I should still get some counseling. My insurance will cover it.

He has never touched me, only verbal abuse. But I am going to try to find someone to talk to who is out of state. He would be so mad if he even knew I was discussing this on the computer.
I would love to go to counseling. But if I cannot say what is bothering me, it won't help to go together. I love the ministry. I love teaching, studying, praying, helping people.
But it does help to just vent. I really don't want to run him down. He has lead many souls to God and has baptized many believers. Most of them tend to almost idolize him. A very good friend of mine thinks that I am so lucky to have him. I would be, if he wasn't spiteful. I'm sure I have given him reason to get mad at me at times.
I will not jump up and do something immediately when I am in the midst of something.

I have always been an optimistic person. I have been saved since I was a teenager and I am a senior citizen now.
But I am in the depths of depression. I pray and ask God to help me. My biggest problem is my pastor husband. I've tried to support most everything he has wanted to do and done. But I need his affection. I need an arm around my shoulder and a kiss on the cheek. He told me years ago that he wasn't attracted to me because I was too heavy. Hence, I ate when I needed love. I got morbidly obese. I had weight loss surgery in April of this year. I've lost 70 lbs and am only obese now. I'm not that big.
I told him that I needed to be shown affection, but he has withheld it to spite me for something I don't even know what I've done. Now, I don't even care whether I wake up. My joy has been taken from me. I know its Satan working.
He has always kinda bullied me, saying if I don't do this or that he will divorce me and usually threatens it at least twice a year. I try to be good and if I don't immediately do what he wants, will in the long run.
Its just at this time in my life, I don't want to divorce, although I wouldn't mind separating. I know he would miss all the things I do for him.
He is threatening to retire this next year, and I don't think I could stand him being home all the time. dictating to me what to do and getting mad if I don't do it when he wants it done.
That said, he is good to everyone else and has been a good provider, but I have worked all our married life.
He wanted me to tell my parents if we put their home in my name that we would keep them out of the nursing home. We sold a 9 room home and moved to a 3 room mobile home and my folks stayed in their home. Dad broke a hip and passed away. Mom was disabled and we moved in with her. She had some spells and we had to put her in the nursing home a few times. The last time she was home, she stood uip, lost her balance and fell breaking her hip. She never returned home. She passed in 2003. Now he is wanting to sell the home because his name isn't on it. That was what he insisted on, the home being in my name.
We bought a mobile home in a campground to get away when we had someone at home to care for mom. I put a lot of my pension money in it and worked very hard in it and bought possessions for it, furniture, dishes, etc. We wrote up a will. My stepdaughter would inherit the mobile home so that my children would inherit my part of my folks farm. Well, he decided to sell it and go ahead and give her the money for it. She is her mother's only heir. I felt that she shouldn't have gotten it until he died, my kids will not get anything until I pass and my insurance lists him as the only heir.
So there is a lot of stuff that probably adds to my depression. But I am willing to put up with stuff for only 5 minutes a day and being treated well. He has told me to shut up and called me a liar in the last 3 weeks. I don't think he ever did that before.
He is a recovered alcoholic. He drank until he got saved in 1978 and then didn't drink until we moved over by my folks. Mom was enough to drive a normal person to drink at times. But I think a pastor should be able to resist. He started drinking about 3 or 4 gallons a week. Then just within the last year, he quit again, except for when he went out of town. He told me he was going to quit that. I told him I didn't want to go to his Christmas party if he was going to drink because it hurt my heart. He has a secular job, besides the pastor job.
But basically, he is a good man. But when I try to communicate with him, he tells me I am attacking him. there is no one I can talk to. I don't want to run him down to people who know him. I dont' want to ruin his reputation.
I may see about going to a psychologist in January, if I can wait that long. I've tried to get him into counseling, but he says, talk to me, I'll counsel you. But then its the same old, same old. I've been thinking about taking an overdose, as my sadness way outweighs my good feelings. And it would be so easy to please me and make me happy. I'm just sick inside.
i want respect and dignity and don't know how to get it. I know I deserve it. When I told him I was thinking of suicide, he told me "they will probably think I did it", so that pretty well tells me that there is no use.
If anyone can offer me any advice, please feel free to do so. I just can't take it much longer.

I need to get my name off the board so that I will be anonymous. I've been trying to figure out how to do it and can't seem to do it. I just want to change my signin name as there may well be someone who knows me on this list.

Don't know if this is allowed, but I'm sure someone will be glad to tell me.
I need to talk to someone who doesn't know us. My husband is a pastor and he will not counsel with anyone. He has all the answers.
I've lost the joy in my life. I try to be a good pastors wife and enjoy the job. I just don't like the way I am treated.

I just kinda thought that if we had prayed and ate the salad there would have been people who didn't see us and that it would be rude since I knew they were going to give a nice Christian prayer.
Last year, I didn't know any better. I didn't know if there would be a prayer. And I was soooo surpised at it. Its over with now, but I still didn't feel right about doing it.

 we always pray before meals. The person asking the blessing was a spirit filled Christian and gave a wonderful prayer. I'm sure it was heartfelt and those who were not Christians were probably very uncomfortable. She gave glory to God for the healing that she and others had received.
And the main question I was asking is if most people thought that salad was the beginning of the meal. I always pray when others are praying so what is the purpose of praying before they pray?

I've got a question. We went to a dinner today given by a doctors cancer group. It was supposed to start by 12:30pm. There were salads on the table. I knew there would be a prayer because we went last year and a nice Christian prayer was given.
I was a little surpised as the doctors are Indian. I don't know if they are Christians or just respect our culture.
People were getting ready to eat their salads and I said I wasn't going to eat until after the blessing. Now maybe that was rude but I knew how embarrassed I was last year after everyone had eaten their salads and then the one who delivered the blessing said let us pray before eating. Now we had already said a prayer before we ate our salads last year, but I still was uncomfortable because most people didn't know that we did. We are always very discreet while in a group.
My husband went ahead and said a prayer and ate his salad. I wouldn't do it.
He said they told him in Bible college that eating a salad wasn't eating a meal and it was ok to eat a salad without saying a prayer.
I'm not trying to start a battle. We already decided to disagree as no one wanted to get in an argument. I just would like others opinions. Is it a regional thing, where something is proper in one area and not in another. Or am I all wet? You will not hurt my feelings. I just want to do what's right.
If I hadn't known there would be a blessing, I wouldn't have thought anything of it.
Thanks

I have been looking for the words to an old old song. We used to sing it. We had the words written down on a paper in my husbands guitar case, but it got stolen a few years ago.
The name of it is "I'm Going To Heaven." The chorus is I'm going to heaven, I'm going there when I die. I'm going to heaven in the sweet by and by. So angel take an order, for a mansion and a crown. And in that book up yonder, please write my full name down.
Up there, there'll be no        , no rent we'll have to pay, the deed is for the mansion, we'll hear the angels say. No washing and no mending, no clothes to look threadbare, I'm homesick now for heaven, how I wish that I were there.
The second verse is something like, we'll meet the old time pilgrims in fellowship and prayer, drink grapejuice from the vine
This is all I can remember. Some members of our chuch had heard it and looked for the words, but no one could find it. I would appreciate it if someone could contact me if you know them.Thank you.

go to www.jewishworldreview.com/toons/asay/asay1.asp

So is it against the law to give the plan of salvation to them?
And do we have to provide Korans to them to fuel their hate of us?

If I were captured, I would sure rather have humiliation heaped upon me as it only hurts my feelings. Christians are persecuted continually in the muslim countries, and are killed.
They are forced to denounce their faith. I think we should be able to try to force them to denouce their faith, also. I guess I have a long way to go to be the kind of Christian I need to be. I know for a fact that they are forced to be muslims and have no chance to know other religions.
I just think we should be able to use tactics to make them confess. I think the Abu Gharid thing was blown way out of proportion.
I have been told by an Iranian friend that many muslims are actually atheists. He was leaning that way until I started witnessing to him. He hates the mullocracy. He told me he is going to study the Persian Bible to learn more about Christianity when he is off work around Christmas time. He is beginning to believe, when I first talked to him, (via internet), he was leaning toward Stalin and Marx. I have sent Left Behind, I & II to him and his family has watched it. I have also made an impression on his family.

What are your beliefs about the mental or physical torture of prisoners?
I guess I am one uninformed lady, but I think we should be able to use mental torture on war prisoners. Our soldiers go through training which involves them going through mental torture. My cousin was in Iraq in the special forces and he said he had to go through all type of mental torture in his training. As long as we aren't pulling out fingernails or putting body parts in vises, I think we should be able to use fear against our enemies. We know that our soldiers who are captured are certainly not treated well.

Little Pilgrim,
You are 100% right. I really do believe that FOX is more balanced in their reports, although the only time I get to watch it is when I'm in a hotel.
I could not believe it when the other networks were protesting their motto, "Fair and Balanced." I want the news pure and simple, so that I can make up my own mind.
When I sent something to an acquaintance before the election, he pounced on me and said you must watch FOX. I said, sorry I watch the major ones, but I can recognize an agenda when I see it.
I wish there was a conservative network that I could get.
What gets me, is that in so many letters to the editors and editorials, that the writers just keep perpetuating lies. Its like they have been brainwashed by the left. I have to repent of the feelings that come over me when I read their ranting and raving. If they could just think for themselves, they would know how ridiculous they sound. And so what if no WMDs were found in Iraq? That is in the past, this is present. They wish to cast conservatives and Christians in a negative light and blame all of the worlds problems on them.
I'm sorry that some Christians do not act like them, God knows I have not always done as I should and had to repent.

Amen, Pastor Roger, I think we can say and criticize anything, but I do not agree with group protests that will harm our country. I have heard that many in protest groups are hired to come in and protest. I believe many of them like to grandstand and grab attention. Just like when a tv camera comes around, many people will wave, crowd into the picture and make a spectacle of themselves. They love to be the center of attention.