Shylynne

If I don't blame my stupidity on the devil, what's left? Genetics?

Shylynne

Haven't been married all that long. I'm just a fast learner.

I was passing through a group I visit from time to time and found that someone had started a thread in the tradition of the Jeff Foxworthy "you might be a redneck if" jokes, but the subject was "you might be in the wrong church if". Seemed like something right down my proverbial alley so I contributed a few. What can you come up with?
 
 
You might be in the wrong church if.....

you ask "when is the mid-week service?" and the pastor replies, "I don't know. When can you show up?"

they pass ranch dressing with the communion wafers.

Brother Smith refers to Brother Jones as "Honey"

the worship team has full body tattoos, nose rings and multi-colored hair

it's not just your imagination...the song leader really does remind you of Elton John

the pastor refers to "JC and his posse"

everybody knows the pastor's wife has a belly ring

the special song is a hip-hop version of "Rock of Ages"

the interpretive dance team does any number involving a pole and g-strings

the sanctuary features a statue of THAT Madonna

the healing service is cancelled due to illness

the youth pastor is on work release

the next fundraiser requires masks and weapons

you pass by a deacons' meeting and hear "I'll see you, and raise you 50"

the pastor and the youth pastor won't even speak to each other, even when they meet in the liquor store

the telephone  prayer line has an unlisted number

most of the congregation wonders if the choir members are naked under those robes

you ask directions to the restroom and the usher points outside

decals on the front door tell you they take Visa, MasterCard and USDA Food Stamps

they're gonna be on a special segment of "Trading Spaces" with the local mosque

the choir sings "Who Is This King of Glory" and the pastor shrugs

the communion wine is Ripple

the offering plate finishes with 6 pennies, 4 buttons, a safety pin and 37 IOU's

the only "Amen!" the preacher gets is when he says "in conclusion...."

the song leader says "Let's sing this one acappella" and the choir undresses

the Womens' Ministries prayer focus is for an early parole for its leader

nobody testifies without a subpoena

the pastor's favorite Biblical character is Balaam because "If he can preach I reckon I can"

the choir lipsyncs to Mormon Tabernacle CD's


I'm going to take a nap now. Later, y'all.

And if, by chance, you accidentally toss her favorite girdle into the dryer blame it on demonic oppression. Do not take the blame for that one!

I get up, go to the bedroom, get my comforter, pillow and teddy bear, go back to the living room, make the sofa and tell her to shut up.

We know abundance
although our wallets are often empty
and the pantry isn't always as full
as we'd like it to be.
We know abundance
even though the light bill is overdue
and the brakes are bad.
We know abundance
even though the kids need shoes.
We know abundance
because we know love,
because together
we have enough,
because together
we are all better
than we can be alone.
We know abundance
because we know the taste of tears
and the joy of laughter
and the tenderness
of a baby's kiss.
We know abundance
because where we gather
God is there.
We know abundance
because His grace
blesses our table

today,
tomorrow,
and to the end of the age.  

It's tough finding a good church. Been looking for one ever since I moved 3 years ago. First one seemed okay, but once I became active I learned that the leadership wanted to edit lessons. Folk were afraid of the moving of the Spirit.

Second one features an hour-long rock concert every Sunday morning....they call it worship. Sermon, if you can call it that, as often as not is about balancing bankbooks or something.

Is there a Bible-base church anywhere?

Gotta agree with Marv and Robert. Your motivation sounds way out of whack. We must never forget that all our actions carry accountability to God and God has definite parameters for a premarital relationship. Those parameters do not involve sex and horoscopes. Watch your step.

Mac

You need to listen to Marv. He is speaking truth to you. Nothing you have shared with us would classify your fiance as a good man. The mere fact that you express fear at his reaction to you indicates that you are in a bad situation. The fact that he will not separate himself from a female friend indaicates that you don't mean that much to him anyway. Stop deceiving yourself. You have allowed yourself to become dependent and incredibly vulnerable. You need to realize that, and get out any way you can. Continuing this relationship will only cause things to worsen.

Wrestling has definitely, as someone said, "evolved" over the years. I remember watching as a child when it actually looked like a competition. The bad guys were the ones who gouged eyes and pulled hair and were booed by the fans. Contemporary pro wrestling has become possible the most vulgar and tasteless thing on broadcast TV. Yes, women are portrayed as objects, but that's not the half of it. Promiscuos affairs are hinted at. Sexual gestures and suggestive language are the norm. Mild profanity is standard communication. Evil is cheered fanatically. Yes, you may say they're only acting. But then, porn stars are "only acting". Freddy Kreuger is only a charachter portrayed by an actor. Portrayal is no justification for what is portrayed. What we support, what we accept, may well be testimony against us. Keep it logical. Dressing in spandex, fondling a silicone enhanced female, and getting one's butt kicked by someone representing the undead hardly glorifies God.

Just a thought.

I've been thinking about how to say this all day. I have input, but I don't think you're going to like it. I don't know you. I know nothing about your background, your upbringing, your theology, or anything else, but I can tell you the basic nature of your problem. At some point in your past with "D" you chose to enter into a sinful relationship contrary, as you well knew, to God's will and word. Circumstances caused you to break the relationship, which was a good thing, but "D" returned and you chose to reenter the same type of relationship. Moving away wasn't a totally bad idea. Problem is, you shouldn't neccesarily have moved away from home. You should have moved far, far away from your lifestyle. God committed himself to forgive our sins. He never committed himself to bless us while we were living willfully, without repentence in our sins. The least of your problems at this point is "D's" female friend. Your problem is that you are far from the center of God's will. God may never honor your relationship with "D". You began a relationship in the state of fornication. We are helpless to make our sins "right". Many people try. People involve themselves in illicit relationships and try to make them right through marriage.  More often than not the result is a marriage that is broken before it starts. The effect of your sin may well be that you can never have an honorable relationship with "D". The details you relate suggest that it is beyond reason. Your best course of action is to run again, repent, allow the Lord to cleanse you completely, as he said he will, and if he leads you to another prospective mate strive to not pollute the relationship with lust. It's possible that if you one day form a relationship in line with God's will for relationships jealousy may not be a part of it, because jealousy, like fornication, is a work of the flesh. Chances are if you ever form a relationship in line with God's will for relationships that your partner will care enough to accept the concept of forsaking all others.

Building a relationship is like building a house. A foundation has to be laid, a frame has to be erected, walls have to be built, windows and doors have to be positioned, and finally a roof has to go on. In a love relationship the roof, the last thing to go on, should be the sexual relationship, and that should be after marriage. Anything else is not acceptable to God. If the roof...sex.....is built first then you face the almost impossible task of building foundation and walls underneath the roof. Leave that wreck of a house you're working on now and wait for the grace of God to give you another chance.

Search the scriptures. Do not accept anybody's "code" or any such foolishness. The Bible is clear concerning the family of Jesus. Yes, he had siblings. No, he did not marry. You didn't ask, but, no, he did not have children. Even before there was Jesus, the incarnate, there were people and forces trying to discredit him, to make him less than God the Son and the Son of God. Those forces and those people still exist and still seek to dishonor him. Some function under the disguise of religion. Others claim great insight and revelation. Others simply delight in opposing truth. Be careful of them. Remember always that when all the great study tools of all the generations of Christians are stacked into huge piles the absolute best reference work we have concerning Biblical things is the Bible itself, and if an idea, a doctrine, a revelation is contrary to what the Bible says simply reject it.

Jesus is king of kings and lord of lords.

At this juncture in my life my ministry is, for the most part, writing. I am a most ordinary person living a most ordinary life. The only varation from the ordinary norm is words. God has been gracious to give me words. I am not professional. Good in the eyes of some, worthless in the eyes of others, but always looking for words to string together. That's where I found my name, actually. Some string words like nuggets of gold or shimmering diamonds or irridescent pearls. Mine are mismatched buttons. Macrame, at best. Good, not so good, or otherwise I do the best I can to produce poetry, prose, devotionals, even an occassional short story or sermon for the Lord. And I'm having a ball!

I didn't escape. They gave me a day pass.

Someone with a lot more time on their hands than I have did a survey which said that nearly 95% of church going men have some sort of sexual problem. This in no way justifies our actions. I merely mean to say that you're not alone. This is something that I, too, struggle with. I cling to a passage from First John, chapter 1...
1 John 1
8   If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9   If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10   If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
There is great comfort in knowing that God knows that we're flawed and fallible. Whil this wonderful passage does not excuse our sins it does offer sweet assurrance that He will forgive if we confess, and if we put our hearts into it confession will eventually breed true repentance and repentance will eventually bring about deliverance.
I would suggest reading Edwin Louis Cole's book "Maximized Manhood." The subject of sexual immorality is addressed clearly.