I really don't know, My life just seemed to be going downhill. I was dumped with running the younger group of kids (Grade 7-9) on Sunday mornings and the pressure was getting to me. Everything just seemed to be going downhill I guess.

My boyfriend actually rang me on the day, and he came all the way from his place to my place just to be with me. And that made me not think about it till he left again.

I really don't know hey, it was a combination of things.

Sometimes I feel like my parents hate me as well. I know they don't. But they never show me any affection at all. They don't tell me they love me, they don't hug me. They tell me that I'll never amount to anything.

I'm called to be a Youth Pastor! That's not nothing! It's a great honour! I don't get it sometimes. Anyway, so yeah, that's that!

Hi everyone,

I haven't been scared away btw, but I do need some prayer. I was really struggling with suicidal thoughts this week. I did talk to my Youth Pastor about it, and I did get something out of it, but I just need prayer that I'll stay on track, and not let the Devil run all over me. Thanks alot for your prayers!

Stephie

Thank you all so much for the kind welcomes. It makes me feel so, well, welcomed!

Thankyou for the kind welcome!

Hi, as you can probably tell from the name, my name is Stephanie. I am 20 years of age, and I live in Australia, in Brisbane.

I've been an Christian on and off for 2 years, but just last night I truly handed over the keys to Jesus!

Bear in mind, I am only 20 years old.

My life has been really messed up. Maybe not as messed up and some of my friends, but it's up there. It was messed up for ages. Actually, probably right up till last night.

It all started with my parents. You see, I'm rather overweight, I weigh over 100kg. And I'm not that smart either. I barely passed school. Anyway, for that reason, I have not really ever had anything really nice said about me. My parents downtread me in every single way. They say that I'm stupid, that I'll never amount to anything, that I'm ugly. They never tell me that they love me, or call me beautiful, or even hug me at all.

Anyway, that's not the testimony.

Basically, in Year 11 and 12, I was really messed up. I hated life. I thought that all my friends were actually not really my friends and just being nice to my face, but they really hated me. I was very angry. I made up 3 really big lies to get sympathy. They all backfired on me. People always found out about them. I tried killing myself 3 times. That's how messed up I was. I cut myself to escape the pain. But I always kept the mask on my face at school. I even went to our fellowship group. (I was at an Anglican Girls School) It was called WIFF, or Women in Fun and Fellowship.

Anyway, my real changing point happened when I left school and went to TAFE. I am just giving you some background.

I was at TAFE when I met a guy. I won't say his real name, but for the sake of this testimony, let's call him "Joe." Anyway, Joe fell in love with me. I thought I was in love with him. But things got really bad. He was a Christian, he told me that, I believed him. He invited me to Church, to his baptism actually, and so I went along, and soon after we went on a Youth Camp, and I got saved. But it was then that things got bad.

Joe and I moved way to fast. It led to having sex. I had always said I would save myself till marriage even as a non-Christian. Anyway, he began using me for sex. Everytime we were together we would do it. I eventually dumped him after he basically called me a slut. But I stayed at Church. I am still at the same Church.

Anyway, I thought everything was cool with God and me. Like, we were close and stuff, but there was some stuff that was going on in my life that were wrong. I started slipping away from God, even though I still went to Church, I didn't really get anything from it. The next year's Youth Camp came by, and this time I was actually on the Worship Team. I was still denying that God and I weren't really close. I got touched from God that weekend though. I got set free from depression, or so I thought. But the Devil attacked me straight away, he got me back under his web of deciet and lies. I was depressed still.

Then came All Stars Camp of this Year. Now, All Stars are a group of Grade 7-9 that I am a leader of in our Church. Anyway, I knew the weekend was for the All Stars so I didn't expect to get anything from it. But on the last night, my Youth Pastor looked straight at me and said "I have given you joy, stop pretending that you haven't recieved it. I'm not a nagger, stop making me nag you. You have joy!" I cried alot that night. I started realising that God loved me. But it didn't end there.

A few weeks ago there was a sermon preached at my church about handing the keys over to Jesus. Meaning, handing your life over to Jesus. I thought I'd done that.

But I realised on our Youth Camp, which just happened this weekend, that I had not ever completely given up my life to God.

On Saturday Morning there were 2 sessions. During which we had to circle stuff that we were habitualy doing in our lives. I found myself circling alot of stuff. We had to write down how our relationship with our parents were. That's when I realised the thing about my parents. I hated them for it. I realised I had to forgive them. It was really hard.

After the 1st Session. My Youth Pastor had called an alter call to those who thought they were really bound with something. I had gone up, thinking of one specific thing that was wrong in my life. But God had different plans. As I was standing there during morning tea time, after everyone else had gone, basically bawling, a cell leader came up to me, and basically started saying that I was beautiful, that God loved me so much, and that all she kept getting was the word "Princess". I bawled. It still makes me get teary eyed just writing the words. I was so not used to hearing those words spoken about me.

After the second session, we had to screw up those pieces of paper and throw them into a fire. I struggled really badly going up there. I was crying so badly. But I eventually did it, saying "She who the Son sets free, is free indeed." But I didn't feel release at that time. It was that afternoon. I was in my bed after lunch, and I was overcome with sobs because I realised how much God really did love me. That afternoon we had practise for that night's worship, and I was a different person. I felt like I had the joy back. It was incredible, and I was even jumping. If you knew me, you'd think that was amazing, trust me.

That night I was in worship and I just couldn't stop grinning, even in a song called "Rain Down" by the Planet Shakers team that is a really powerful song.

After the sermon was over that night, there was an alter call for people to get baptised in the Holy Spirit. I was already baptised. Anyway, we stayed on stage and sang another song called "Let your Fire Fall." and for the first time in my life, I actually felt the annointing of God on me, and on my life. I don't doubt in my heart now that he's called me to become a Youth Pastor.

Anyway, fast forward to last night. Last night at Church we had a testimony night for camp. I told the thing about the annointing and about being God's princess and I cried again and stuff. But that night in my bed, I cried my heart out to God basically saying that I give up, that I'm sick of doing all the wrong things in my life. I give up the keys to the drivers seat in my car, and I let Him take over. I immediately felt lighter. It was amazing. I get shivers now just typing it. I feel so different now. It's really awesome, I love God so much!

And that's it. I love God so much, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me next. He is unbelievable.