Allamedo, I'm wondering what you're looking for in a church.

A church that has love in it, and I've found it. The Pastor did not condone the way we're living, as a matter of fact he agreed with the Scriptures quoted to us by or former Pastor. But the difference between them was love! This Pastor gave us an alternative, support, and most of all showed us the love of Christ. He did not call us names or insult us, but in a loving and caring way showed us why the way we lived was wrong, and then made a personal committment to us to help us correct it if we would make a committment to God before him and the congregation. Say whatever you want, but I feel like I'm loved here! Yes we are still living together, but no longer in sin! We are sleeping in separate rooms and not having sexual relations. What more do you want, for one of us to live under a bridge? We are accountable to God, and God only! I believe that He opened this door, and we entered through it and are doing the right thing before Him, and ultimately that's all that counts!
Your brother in Christ,
Al

I just wanted to update everyone on our situation. Some of the other Christians in the community that we have Bible study with contacted the Pastor at the Assemblies of God church in Spray, a community about 25 miles away. He came to our Bible study last night and talked with all of us about our Pastor. He basically said that there is nothing we could do if he will not listen to us, his recommendation was to let go and let God, sounds a little cliche. But he's right, God will deal with the Pastor in God's time not ours.

After the discussion with the group, he came over to our house to talk personally with us. He said, I don't have to repeat the Scriptures to you, because you already know them. He explained that he felt that the Pastor hadn't handled it the best way that he could have, but the Scriptures were clear on the situation. In his opinion, he said that he should have been helping us solve the situation and guiding us instead of condemning us.

Well, to make a long story short, the Pastor from Spray has made a committment to us to help us get this divorce done, and to make sure that we get to the church every Sunday, by either a ride from someone nearby or he'll send the church van to pick us up. We also made a committment to him and God, which he told us was foundational, in order for God to bless this undertaking. We made a committment to sleep in separate rooms, and to remain sexually pure until the day that he marries us, we made this committment to him, to God, and have to make it publicly to the congregation. He said that if we do this, he will counsel us on marriage, help us in any way that he can, and get the whole congregation behind us in prayer.

I realize that this is not going to be easy, but I know that it's what God wants us to do.

Thank you all for your responses and advice, I hope that God blesses you all in abundance,

Al & Debie

allamedo-
I'm totally confused on two issues.

1- If you know fornication is wrong, why do you continue to live together?
(Is the fact that your girlfriend's ex won't give her a divorce a good reason to sin?)

2- If you two have only been together for 3 years, how do you have an 8 year old daughter together?

1 - We have no other options at this time, no one has offered to help, and we cannot afford it.

2 - She is from a previous marriage, her father died, she considers me her dad and I consider her my daughter.

I'd like to start by thanking everyone for their responses and advice.

I think that maybe I should give you a little more background on what is going on here in this church. We arrived in this community, population 175, nearest city of any size, population 6000, is 70 miles away. So basically we're out in the middle of nowhere.

When we first arrived in town and went to church, we were honest with the Pastor about not being married. He counseled us on what the bible said about it and left it at that. We have filed papers 3 times since then, and next week we are going to file once more. During this past year, and prior to us arriving there have been problems in this church. It has gone from a congregation of over 50, to about a dozen or so. The deacons and elders have resigned also. All this has occured due to arguments with the Pastor, and his refusal to admit that maybe sometimes he is wrong. We had a very serious problem with the Pastor and his wife, regarding gossiping, we went to others in the church and confronted the Pastor and his wife about it. Understand that the people who were spreading the lie were present also, it was obvious, and clear. In front of everyone, including the last deacon left in the church, they denied it and called us liars. The deacon resigned his position the next day. We left and did not return for a few months, but I missed going to church, So I prayed about it, and God led me to write a letter asking the Pastor for forgiveness and I apologized for anything that I might have said to hurt him or his wife. Then last week I went to church with Debie and our daughter Aisha. The Pastors wife said nothing to us and left the church. At the end of the service the Pastor approached me and thanked me for the letter and said it humbled him, but still no apology or acknowlegement of fault, but that's OK, it wasn't the reason for the letter, it was to make things right betwwen God and me.

The next day I was fishing at the local pond and he asked me if he could come over and talk to us. That's when he laid into us. Almost a year, and nothing said, we come back to church and all of a sudden, it's a major issue, and we're out of church. Sorry but it's too much of a coincidence for me. I think that it was personal, and had nothing to do with love or God.

My personal feelings, I haven't said anything until now because I wanted to see how other Christians felt on the issue.

Once again thank you, and may God bless you abundantly.

I'm confused....

You were asked to not even come to that particular church building?  

I can understand if they were talking about you not becoming members of that church building/denomination....

But I don't understand them not wanting you to come and hear The Word.  

Yes we were asked not to come through the doors. We never asked or tried to become members of the church. So, to answer your question, we are not permitted in the building at all, and that includes our 8 year old daughter too!

Not quite so easy, we live in a rural community. It is the only church, the next nearest church is over 20 miles away and we can't afford to drive there every Sunday.

I didn't expect him to kick us out of church. The only reason we don't interact more is because most people don't want to interact with us. There are a few that we have fellowship with in and out of church, but very few.

I am presently living with my fiance, we have been together for 3 years. We are not married yet because her ex-husband who left her 6 years ago for another woman with whom he lives with and has 2 children with refuses to sign the divorce papers and moves everytime we find him. We are on a fixed income and cannot afford an attorney. We have both made vows to each other before God, and will be married ASAP. We moved to a small rural community in eastern Oregon a year ago, we are both Christians and have been for the better part of our lives. We realize that the way we are living is not acceptable to God, but as I said we have both prayed and made our peace with Him and believe that He will help us solve this problem. As a matter of fact we heard from her ex just about 2 weeks ago, and he is entering the military and wants a divorce before he does, so his girlfriend and 2 kids can be his beneficiaries. We were honest with the Pastor of our church about our situation on the first day that we attended church, he explained to us what God's word said and we agreed with him, but told him that there was nothing at the time that we could do. He showed up the other day, and reiterated the Scriptures about us living out of wedlock, and proceeded to call us fornicators, adulterers, and said that we were a black eye to God every time we walked through the door of the church. After this he told us that we were no longer welcome at the church.

This is the first time I've ever been thrown out of a church. We have never disrupted the service or caused any problems or tried to justify to anyone the way we live. We usually sit in the back, listen to the sermon, and leave with very little interaction with others.

I don't think that what was done to us was right, nor Biblical. What do you think? All opinions will be greatly appreciated.