I thank all of you for your prayers and support. However, I must be honest. I am fading fast.  It seems that I have very little control over things and everyday it is some new disaster happening.  I don't mean to have a pity party.  But, I can't seem to think theologically through things.  This I must assume is exactly where God wants me to be. I am at the end of myself and my hope is that at the end of me is the beginning of him.  This is a frightful place to be, because in this place you don't see much hope for the flesh.  So, I diminish that he might increase. I speak literally and spiritually when I say, " I have nothing left". Even the words I write and the scriptures that I recite seem empty. Everything in me cries out for a miracle.  I am not the man Job was.  How dare I ever been vain and arrogant. Now, I sit on the edge of everything I have ever believed hoping for something that I cannot describe or know what it should be. I am helpless with my very faith hanging in the balance. Saints, I don't know the outcome of my life and I don't expect any of you to know either. But if things don't pan out the way we would like them to, know that they worked out the way he would have them for his good will.  From the very moment I became a christian I knew I didn't know how to do it, my hope was in Christ leading me down the path of righteousness for his name sake.
His yoke is easy and his burden is light; I made it hard and I made it heavy.  "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." I simply repent but even this simple task overwhelmed and brought to me to realize Oh reched man that I am.
       God be with you Saints.

I am still alone. Is anyone there ? How does this chat work anyway?

I have never chatted online before; Altough I have used the internet as a tool for sometime.  I am a private person when it comes to personal matters.  I have not had the joy of the Lord for sometime.  My life seems out of control.  
I would say, that Iam like the prodigal son returning home. Like the prodigal son it was crisis that caused me to see the error of my ways. I wish I could say that I repented of my own accord but that isn't true. The mistakes that I make seem never to go unpunished in a catastrophic way. Perhaps, I make catastrophic mistakes. Maybe, God chastens me more severly than others because he expects more from me, or maybe his plan for me is so important that there is little room for error.  Anyway, I don't get a break at all these days.  My heart has always been his. He gave me this new heart some years ago.  Jesus lives here!!!  I didn't choose him he chose me and ordained me to bring forth good fruit, and that fruit would remain. I asked god to keep me along the path of righteousness for his name sake. I new then that I would be a potentially lousy christian. Even when I mean well. Catastrophy occurs. I say HALLELUAH anyway. This is my faith. It is all I now posses.