Hi prsawyer,
A little background on myself: I'm a 25 year old girl (in a couple weeks!). I became a Christian almost 6 years ago during university. I'm "born again," and I attend both a Presbyterian and Baptist church (one in my new city, the other in my hometown), and I consider myself evangelical with strict adherence to the Bible being the Word of God... I'm telling you this because I don't want to offend you with what I say. I want to answer your question very candidly about how I personally feel.First of all your statement that really struck me was, "I don't want to scare him away." He seems like a wonderful guy, and one who you want to hold on to -- HOWEVER, if he is not a Christian, then he is not the one God wants you to be with. God explicitly tells us not to be "unequally yoked"
(2 Corinthians 6:14) -- but I also like the verses where God tells us that the husband should be the spiritual head of the household. (There are many such verses all over the place, but one of the more popular is:
Ephesians 5:22-33)
Now wait a minute, you may be thinking.
Who said anything about marriage?Well, personally I feel that dating just for the sake of dating isn't something that God wants us to dabble in. If it's all about temporary fun, and not about the possibility of long-term commitment (note, I say possibility because dating is about testing the waters), then it can too easily lead to sexual indulgences. Even if you "know your limits," why give your heart to someone who you'll end up breaking up with because of different worldviews?
If you want to date because you want companionship, someone to care for you, a shoulder to cry on, a man to hug and hold and hang out with -- just stick with a good friendship. It might be tough, but it honors the guy, it honors yourself, and it honors God.
Personally, I'm looking for a
godly man. That's the most important, nonnegotiable, quality on my list. If I find someone who's got a great personality (kind, sincere, honest, and the other qualities that you listed), but he's not a follower of Jesus -- then he's not for me. I can maintain a friendship and pray for his salvation, but dating is out of the question.
Remember, God loves us intimately and personally, and He wants what's best for us. Sometimes we have a hard time figuring out what is best, but if we follow His Word carefully and keep praying faithfully, then His Holy Spirit will guide us. My advice: pray pray pray!!! And read Scripture - lots!! And talk to other Christians, mentors, people who are putting God first in their lives. (Perhaps you have an IVCF or CCC or Navigators or other Christian fellowship at your college?)
And talk to this guy, find out what his beliefs are. Just open up a conversation -- ask him what he does on Sundays, for instance! Or invite him to a church event with you, or say innocently, "so, does your church have any special events coming up?" hehehe..
I know it's hard to risk rejection... Sometimes I'm afraid to tell people that I'm a Christian because of the liberal views of this world, and the prejudices that people have against Christians.. but if this guy happens to have harsh feelings about Christians, then he's not the one for you right now (altho he could possibly be "the one" in the future if you pray for his salvation and he turns to Jesus!).
I hope I'm making sense and not coming across as too harsh or anything! (it's 1 am now and i'm getting too sleepy to make much sense.. lol) Anyways, feel free to send me a "PM" or reply to this topic if you have questions or refutations.. hehehehe...
Sister in Christ,
haya
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