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I was thinking about it and there isnt one instance of love where I dont benefit. If I am constantly gaining value, by loving someone, is that not selfish? Selflessness is where I sacrifice value and gain none. So if I gain anything by being in love, then it makes love a selfish thing.

Think harder.  Your question/comment makes no sense.  You might as well be asking "is breathing selfish".

Humffph!

no, can you show me please, how it isnt selfish?

I define love as 'giving'.  People give love.  How can you be selfish when you are giving something away?

because you are getting more in return, are you not? It is the equivalent of me GIVING you a 20 dollar bill, then getting a 100 dollar bill in return. How is that not selfish?

Sorry, nimble.  I'll not get caught up in any of your anti-theist games.  I’m sure you are well versed in all of the anti-God rhetoric, and I’m also sure, for some reason known only to you and your cohorts, that it is great sport to attempt to disrupt Christian forums by revealing what you consider personal wisdom.  I’m not buying it; I recognize the difference between wisdom and mockery. I come to this forum to interact with Christians.  You aren’t one.  Maybe someone else will choose to play with you.
Adieu.

thanks for being helpful, your patience is appreciated ;D

this is not anti-god rhetoric. It is a valid argument. I was merely inquiring, your insight? I have not insulted you. I have not mocked you. I have not even acted in a manner which would demean you or your beliefs, so why are you evading the question? I dont understand your reaction. ???

If you truly give, you will not expect anything in return. Then if you do get something back it is not being selfish. However, if you give with a greedy heart not worrying about how you give, or what you give, or who you give it to, and just worry about what will get in return, that is being selfish. In the aspect of love, love is not selfish, so if you are truly in love you will care more about that other person than yourself, even if you do get something back. However, if you care more about yourself than that other person, it was not love in the first place. Love is a two part thing, so a man and a woman must love eachother more than themselves. If a man loves a woman, but she doesn't love him back, and visa versa, then it's not true love. But if the two are truly in love they can rest assured that they will get something in return, even if they don't expect anything.

Praise Jesus, The Lamb of God!
Xtreme

If i know i love the person to whom i am giving, then I know that I will always benefit in the long run. Its hard to avoid that fact. I can try to ignore that, so that I may give not knowing that i will receive, but ultimately it is unavoidable. Just being in their prescence is a value to me...and will be of more value than any thing i can give.

Yes, but does the other person benefit from the love you give? It does go both ways.

The bible also reminds us to love those who don't love us; to love our enemies. Jesus loves those who don't first love him.


...and value to the person you also love.

There is nothing wrong in receiving. But why do you love? Do you love because you know you will get something back? Do you know why you love? How do you know when you love something you will something back? Sometimes you don't (unreciprocated love).


Peace
Gracey

Love is wanting what's best for others even if it means we will be hated for it. That means caring about their souls even if they themselves don't care about them. What's best for everyone is God's love.

Love is selfish if your always taking.  ;)
Are you giving or taking?

bluelake

Love always has benefits.  If you were really this distressed over whether or not your love was selfish, you may not know love.  Do you?   ???  Look at the greatest love known.  Jesus died for us and paid an aweful price for us because He loved us.  He gained (as far as I am aware) children that will worship Him forever.  

my real name is sam.  i don't usually post here, but regularly read what others struggle with and what others respond, and i am always amazed... this question though, has forced me to jump in.... it is the most simple and the most brilliant in my mind, because of the implications.  Contrary to what others have thought about the intent of the question, it is a legitimate christian question.  and i have thought deeply about this question for a long time.  Here is the most profound answer that i came with:

a) all three are God, my Father, My savior the Son, and The indwelling The Spirit -  you don't believe this you might want to refer to other threads

b) all three are coexistent, co-equal, different roles
c) Jesus commissioned himself to die for the sin of the world - famous canonization passage in Phillipians illuminates that point

here is the most important part of all of these things:

- Our Lord savior was in love affair with the Holy Spirit and God the Father, for God would not be love if they were not in Holy Communion, for Love would not be defined.

- when Jesus Christ died on the cross, that Love broke for a moment when the wrath of God was upon the Son.  And that my brethren i believe, was what terrified my savior more than the torture, more than the humiliation and the treason.  Lord Jesus Christ never experienced that separation from God the Father and the Holy Spirit until He carried our sins on those two pieces of timber, and He knew it that at that moment there was going to be that separation from the communion he so ever much enjoyed with the The other two memebers (for a lack of a better word) of the Trinity (which we will never know until we fully experience the trinity in heaven) which Lord Jesus in infinity had never experienced. THAT IS LOVE!

Love is defined by that experience of Jesus Christ - it might be hard for us, it sure was for me when i came to this conclusion at first- but think of it- God is the essence of all beings, all good things. What me may know of love in this life and form, God has multifold experiences of that.  That is Perfect Love, for that Love trusted the Father, even in his God-ness that for a moment of that Separation of the communion- which was unpredictable to him( at least this is what I think) - He had to rely on God the father.  ALL LOVE THAT EMENATES FROM THAT IS TRUE LOVE!

my friend, read this and mull over all the other love descripitons about intent too....

I most probably will never post again or most probably not respond to this too- (unless i see my hurt burns and churns within me, for i am in tears now.... God bless you guys and gals in your faith... we need us to start to weep for the world and the pain that we see left and right.......

Love: agapao:

The only time agapao is used in scripture is in relation to the love of God. Agapao (or agape if you prefer) is a unique love that is one way. It goes out, and does not expect or anticipate anything in return.

When God prompts me, by His Spirit, to exhibit (do) love (His love, agapao) to someone else, it is unselfish. It does not expect or anticipate anything in return, but is done simply because that is what HE wants.

That I may benefit as a result of showing that love is immaterial...it goes with the territory, and is simply a part and parcel of properly showing that love.

Now, IF I exhibit "love" to someone else with the thought in mind that I will gain some kind of return, whether it be from the one the love is shown to, or by the gathering of a reward in heaven, or even by just feeling better about myself, then I have not exhibited HIS love, which is the ONLY TRUE love....and therefore it is selfish.

So....what kind of love do you have? Agapao, phileo, or eros?

"and Jesus said, Peter, do you agapao me?"
"and peter answered, and said 'yea, Lord, you know that I phileo you'"
"and again, Jesus said, Peter, do you agapao me?"
"and Peter said again, 'Lord, you know that I phileo you' "
"and a third time Jesus said, Peter......do you phileo me?"
"and Peter was wroth, and distressed....."

because he knew by the third question that Jesus (agapao) had come down to Peter's level of understanding and commitment (phileo), which was a two way, scratch your back IF you scratch mine type of love.

I agree.  I would only add that love is what you do for someone.  It isn't a feeling.  If you do something for someone for sake of personal gain, it isn't love.  If you do something for someone to better them, build them up, or to show God's love to them, then it is love.  

Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3.  Uniquely, it's right smack dab in the middle of his disertation on the gifts.  Why?  Because, as he says, if we do these great things without love, that is, we do them for self and not for others sake, then we are nothing, do nothing and gain nothing.

Love is it's own safeguard.  If the heart is right, the love is shown and expressed.  If the heart is selfish, we are nothing, do nothing, and gain nothing.  We can selfishly give a starving person a meal, or selfishly preach a gospel message, or selfishly die for someone, but if we do so all of it is for naught.  Love is the key.  Can't miss it.  Can't call it selfish and still call it love.   :)  Good post there Evangelist.

Just a thought...

Right from Kristi Ann's Haven and How I feel about Love!

The Greatest Gift

This is Unconditional Love! ;D

First Corinthians Chapter 13

The Greatest Spiritual Gift


1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
 
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.


********************************************

More Love;


John 3:16-17

16   For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have Everlasting Life.

17   For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved.
   

Holy Bible -- King James Version


God is Love, Love is Kind!!!

KristiAnn

 Here's a sobering thought...

The greatest majority of God's actions from the bible describe His wrath and vengeance upon mankind, as opposed to His love.

Sorry if I've bummed anyone out. ;)

Bronzesnake.

No bumming, Bronze....just goes to emphasize the disdain and fitting punishment that God will mete out on those who do not grasp and accept HIS definition of love.

I kinda think He is trying to make a point! Eh?

I'm a little late on this thread, but try this one on for size...

Joh 15:13  Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Greatest act of Love, Ultimate loss to gain ratio.   Complete selflessness.  

Is this kind of Love selfish?  Try it sometime !  ;)

Grace and Peace!

There is definitely a "fool" present.  Unfortunately, that fool doesn’t recognize himself.

You know, I ask myself these kinds of confusing questions all the time and then I just drive myself crazy! My take on love is that it's a wonderful thing that God gave us and we shouldn't take it for granted and we should give it just as much as we recieve it. I am thankful that God gave me the ability to feel love. I can use that ability to love him back!

I do too.  And thanks for pointing it out to everybody.  While you're at it, why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?!

 ;D

Sorry.  Just watched Princess Bride.  Had to be shared.   :D