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Fellowship => What are you doing? => Topic started by: joidevivre on February 27, 2004, 01:20:58 PM

Title: Letting people nest with me...
Post by: joidevivre on February 27, 2004, 01:20:58 PM
I'm a pastor of a small church, counsel many, work as a chaplain at the local hospital - but all these things had boundaries I had imposed.  Like I could "drop" little morsels of wisdom and truth into various lives, then walk away when I was done.   It is like dipping my little toe in the waters of people's lives.

I am by nature a very solitary person who loves to be alone with just my bible and Jesus.  However, not long ago, the Lord showed me that  I had to come down from my "top of the mountain" place and let those who needed to spend time nesting with me.  Ouch ! that hurt - like I really don't have the time Lord!      :(
He showed me that spending time with people (especially those you don't want to) is much like the Shepherd who carries people close to his heart.  Nesting is letting them spend time with you - providing them with a safe non-threatening place. Most people are not so hungry  to  hear spiritual truths as just lonesome for God's presence.  

And that is what we are -  

So, I'm off today letting someone who I have been counseling and then kicking out the door when her hour was up spend the whole afternoon with me, doing whatever she wants to do.  

Isn't this was the first chapter of Psalms is all about - becoming that tree by streams of water that others can nest in?   And be fed just by the presence and love of Christ that resides in us?    

Title: Re:Letting people nest with me...
Post by: mrc on February 27, 2004, 03:06:42 PM
I just read your post and thought it was awesome.  I'm a "like to be alone" person, too, although I'm a people person, as well--everything in balanced amounts, but I was really inspired by what you've written and how we need to go that extra mile sometimes in order to live like Jesus.
I have a website fellowship called Together In Prayer Ministries at
and was wondering if I could place your comment (word for word--cut and paste) onto my testimony page?
Thanks, in advance, for your reply.
You can email
or post a reply.

Title: Re:Letting people nest with me...
Post by: tony on March 09, 2004, 08:51:06 PM
Hmmmm I think you may be onto something Rev.  Just when we think we are walking comfortably in God’s hand He has a way of pulling us a bit closer.  Asking us to do something… or allowing us to go through difficult times, which compels us to look upward… Keep up the good work… and all yes.. how is the “nester” doing?  

Title: Re:Letting people nest with me...
Post by: Pastor Bruce on March 14, 2004, 06:06:04 PM
RE: having others nest (spend time) with you.  My first thought is:  that is excellent discipling, which is what we are commanded to do ..... and my second thought is to be very, very careful - especially if that other person is of the opposite sex and you are a church leader.  Not saying it is a bad thing, just saying to really be careful.  May God bless you as you choose to walk with His Son.

Title: Re:Letting people nest with me...
Post by: tony on March 15, 2004, 10:18:33 AM
Good points, Pastor Bruce!  I know of several Churches that have had this problem.  That is, someone slips in and destroys a marriage and a church.  At first, in the earlier stages, it seems to be so innocent.  Then it blossoms into something God would never approve of.  This all takes place with one little compromise at a time.  In reading Biblical stories and observing the life of others around me I have come to the firm conclusion that small compromises lead to BIG compromises.  

Being alone with the opposite sex is a rather risky endeavor.  Of course, this is not to say that just because a man and woman are together, with no one else present, some sin will assuredly be taking place.  However, such a circumstance, that is a man and woman being alone, does increase the risk of such an occurrence.

In thinking of this I am reminded of a promise that I made to God and think it worthwhile to share.  In High School I rode the school bus.  I had many friends at school, but did very little socializing with them outside context of school and school related activities, their beliefs and ideas of fun were far different from my own.  Their social events often circled around drinking and other activities unacceptable to God.  Attending school, doing home work, and working 30hrs a week left little time for much else, other than attending Church on Sunday.  Fortunately, my busy schedule always provided a “good” excuse to forgo attending any parties.  In short, the relationships with my high school peers were good, but limited.  These relationships led to many interesting conversations, indeed.  They would discus a diversity of topics.  Nothing was off limits.  A particular group of guys viewed sexual relations with young women as some type of a competition, which treated young ladies as though they were nothing more than an object.  

Fortunately, some of these young men would later come to know the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  I planted the seed as the Lord directed and gave the best possible real life example of being a Christian.  

Now back to their high school conversations and the promise I made to God.  One day, as the bus jolted down the highway, I looked out at the passing scenery.  On that particular day, I was exhausted, didn’t feel much like talking, and decided to set mid way of the bus, so I could just sit back and relax, before arriving home to head off to work.  The conversation in the back of the bus went on without my involvement.  Yes, the popular topic was girls.  The latest conquest was being shared with the greatest of details.  

In my heart the Lord was opening my eyes.  I could see clearly that their lifestyle was NOT one that I wished to adopt.  On that day I promised the Lord that I would save myself for marriage.  

Since that day the Lord has given me ways to keep my promise.  To Him, and only to Him, can I give the glory.  The real essence of keeping this promise is NOT making any small compromises.  There are too many boundaries to list here but one of the major ones is a “no woman” policy.  “What do I mean by this?”, you may be asking yourself.  Well, I don’t allow any women into my apartment if there is no one else present.  The only exception to this is family.  My Mother does come and visit often, after all someone needs to use the cook stove, otherwise it would just collect dust…lol…  ;D ;D ;D    

Title: Re:Letting people nest with me...
Post by: joidevivre on March 18, 2004, 11:23:45 PM
I fully understand the dangers of same sex "nesting"...although this would probably never be my problem.   If I ever felt that a man needed to spend a day with me, it would also include my husband.    

I am in a counseling ministry with mostly women (a few couples also), but these women are for the most part just very lonely, and need to be around someone who will spend time with them.    As I said, I tend to keep people at a distance when the ministry or counseling part is over.  I have set boundaries that I feel Christ is asking me to set aside.  And involve myself in a more personal way.   To be more available for even "fun times".   As I said before, I would rather curl up with a book.  And be alone.  

It is growing me in a very different direction.   That is the wonderful thing about being discipled by Christ. You never get to stand still in one place for very long.