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I have an issue i need desperate advice on. My heart is wondering what to do. My girlfriend Tammi and i of one year have been arguing over something. I dont like how she sometimes says hi to ex-boyfriends at times or looks at other guys. I just get so mad and feel not good enough and disrespected. It was 2 weeks ago. We were texting back and forth from our cell phones. I was telling her how i dont feel respected and after more back and forth arguing our arguement escalated until i just felt so mad i just lost it and told her that she should just go see other guys and i broke up with her. I didnt want to break up but i was just acting foolish. So she didnt respond back until the next day and said she was severely heartbroken because she felt i didnt love her. She said she was so hurt that she thought about doin drugs or killing herself. And i apologized and tried to tell her i was just mad and snapped and acted foolish. I tried to get back together but she said she needed time to think.

So a few days later i text her sister to see how she was doing and i had this weird intuition that she was seeing another guy so i asked her sister. She said she thinks she is seeing a guy at work. So i felt horrible. I finally talked to Tammi and she said they were just friends. But 2 days later she said he asked her out and she was thinkin about it. My heart dropped!!!!! I was wondering why she even THOUGHT about it because she loved me so much. I asked if she liked him and she said she had feelings but they werent strong. She said "it was your fault to tell me to see other guys when u put me out there with a broken ,open heart". I said " i didnt mean date or get serious. I meant just go on a dinner date to see whats out there and compare me to guys to see if you were missing anything so you could maybe appreciate me more.  And i dont understand how she could be interested in another so fast after we dated for a year. Anyways, we had a long talk face to face and she looked pale and very depressed. I knew i had broke her heart like never before. I asked if anything happened between them. She admitted to sleeping with him but said right after they began she started crying and had to stop.

And now we decided we arent going to date for a while. We do love each other and i feel we both want to get back together. I told her that i do forgive her and i will give her time. She said she wasnt going to get serious with anybody,just date around.  I said " If you went that far once i think you will do it again." Im scared she will get serious with other people. Now we havent talked in a few days. Im trying to give her time to think and hopefully realize i do love her to death. Its killling me not to be with her.

MY QUESTION IS THIS..... If she does decide she really wants to be with me, should i forgive her and let her come back?????  I mean, i understand how people get vulnerable and try to fill a void in their heart with sex or drugs but i dont want to excuse her VERY WRONG actions!!!!  We all have self-control right???? Is it excusable the way she lost her self-control or did it out of spite or what????  I mean, i can look at this 2 ways. Some people say "Kick her to the curb because she did you wrong!!!"   But on the flip side i feel like i really want to forgive her and let her come back because we all make mistakes. And some are bigger than others. Thats what forgiveness is right????   WHAT SHOULD I DO??? WHAT SHOULD BE MY NEXT STEPS FROM HERE?????   PLEASE HELP!!!!!




 :(

Hello Donald, Welcome to the forums.

There is much more to it than just forgiveness. It sounds to me as though neither of you are ready for a serious relationship. If you were there would be no question from you or her nor would there be the actions that either of you have taken.

First of all as in all things you need to turn this matter over to God. Don't be in a hurry. When the time is right you then know it whether it is with this girl or another.

Hello Countryboydonald,

First, WELCOME!


I sincerely hope that you enjoy Christians Unite, and I look forward to having fellowship with you.

Second, I think that Pastor Roger gave you some excellent advice, and I agree with him completely. I firmly believe that "TRUST" and "FIDELITY" are musts for any relationship that leads to marriage. In the absence of either, I think that marriage would be just another nightmare ending in disaster. I agree completely with Pastor Roger that it sounds like neither one of you are ready for a relationship leading to marriage. Please don't mistake this for an insult. My intention was to help in the advice you asked for. Take your time and pray - you'll be glad that you did.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Hello.
I think you have already been given the advice that you need. I simply want to reiterate that you must wait on God - I think in a situation like this, you should do nothing. If it is Father's will that you two get back together, then something will be planted in your heart that is so strong, that you will have to get back together.

On the other hand, Father may have done this, as He has something else that He wants you to experience. It could be a situation that He needs to deal with so that He can move you onto a greater experience with Him. Foremost, I think you need to trust in God and lay problems before Him. This is a lesson that I believe God wants you to learn from what you are going through.

The final point that I would like to make is that there may well be some type of illegitimate authority in your relationship. By this I do not mean an evil spirit, I mean that Father may well not be in the relationship, as God should be at the forefront of all our relationships. If this happens, then the relationship will be blessed of God.

You may or may not get back with your girlfriend. It is important to remember that God has a purpose behind everything that happens - yes, to move on you do need to forgive her but this will only happen when you lay this problem before God. From there, God will direct you whether you will get back with her. It is important that you now have an open mind - a mind open to God. Follow His path and His direction, then God will bless all your relationships.

To sum up, give it all back to Him.

All the blessings my brother
Gaurav