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Hello, I am new here and I am here because I need some serious Christian advice.  I will tell the story to the best of my ability and try to give perspectives of those that were involved.  Please, I need to know how to continue and which direction God would suggest for me.  I am at a complete loss with many things in life, this is the biggest I would say, second to my lack of true faith in our Lord (which I'm always trying to work on).

I was 21 years and a couple months.  I ventured to a bar for the first time with my best friend.  Enjoyed myself so I continued, I became friends with local bands and followed many of them quite frequently.  Alcohol was a big part of the picture then.  I met Art in January when one band split and he was a newer member to one half.  I was totally struck by this man, very attractive, attentive, gave me attention and free beer.  He complimented me and made me feel like a young woman, he'd dance with me on occasion to the dirty rap songs during intermission but was often "working" the crowds.  I discovered he had a girlfriend but remained his friend at the bar.  In September (22 years old now) Art told me how he and his girlfriend were not going to make it, and I invited him over.  This was my first sexual experience. 

Please let me be clear, that I never gave the image of a virgin.  I am ashamed to say that I wore less clothes than Cher with 2 feet of snow outside.  I danced and kissed many men though before Art I NEVER went home with any of them.  I consider my phase a period of hiding myself because I was ashamed of my "goodie, goodie" image.  I didn't want these bar people to know who I was, and they ate up the false image of "Gypsy Star" to the end.  To an extent I thought it was fun, but looking back, it was not who I was or am and I am ashamed.

The sex continued, and so did the lies.  He told me he no longer had a girlfriend and would spend the weekend at my home almost every single weekend.  As this happened, I started having feelings for him and was honest with him that the feelings were coming about and growing quickly.  Little did I know, he was going home to his girlfriend and telling her he was sleeping at a band members home.  Little did I know, he was also collecting phone numbers and bed partners while I was (practically) standing next to him.  I do not actually know how many women he had been with since I came into the picture (part of me is frightened for this, and I thank God that he and I are clean).  He made it very clear to me that he wanted nothing but sex from me and that it would never evolve into something meaningful.  Somewhere, somehow I felt otherwise.

He invited another woman into his bed while he was still with his girlfriend and I.  I started to get the picture.  After a long year struggle with trying to stay away from him and still having "loving" feelings for him, I could refrain no longer and terminated both his third fling and girlfriend.  (Not killed, just was persuasive with my words and they left.)  Of course this made me the enemy in his eyes, but the sex never ended.  At some point he was frustrated with me enough to tell me to "go @@@@ someone else" twice.  Unfortunately I did, both times and regret them whole heartedly.

Now, it has been 2 years since I am sure he has had no extra partners (almost 5 years total), though, how sure can one be?  However, through this time, he has collected numerous phone numbers and made many secret phone calls (even within my own home) to these "women". 

One I know, Tina, he had made out with and made every possible attempt to find secret time with her, but I don't believe that it evolved once I got a hold of her phone number and threatened her. 

One woman, Leslie, told me she knew about me and still gave her phone number, but then told him not to call because she felt remorse. 

Another, Chris, is a long time friend of his from the bar, whom he swears he's never had sex with, but still would talk to her at 1:30 in the morning. 

Shelly came out to see him on a lie, she came up with a horrible lie about finding Art's new band on-line through a mistype, but through checking his e-mail he had just sent her his phone number asking her to call.  Come to find out, she is married, but for some reason, he has her home address in his phone book. 

Kathy, he met at New Years Eve, after I drove him 5 days in a row 300 miles each day in my car, paying with my gas to a gig, in the dress he bought me and the diamond necklace too.  I confronted her and she lied to me, then called him a few days later, he then lied to me also.  I called and threatened her as well.

Lori, he met at another gig, that I drove him to.  And even took the paper with his phone number out of her friends hand, they all lied to me saying they were going to book another gig.  The next day he talked to her for an hour.

Monica is the first "young one" since me.  I am 25, he is 39.  She is 23-24, and in dire need of attention.  He met her the night I was babysitting his youngest child (I wonder if he set that up?) then collected her phone number at another gig, while I was in attendance.  I called her as well.

Through all of this (2 years) I have checked his e-mail and phone and phone messages.  I have called most of these women to advise them not to continue until I was at least moved out of his home, but most of them gave it another shot or two before I called again and threatened again.  Most of them have ceased all communication with him, finally realizing that what he says isn't true.  From what I gather, he tells these women that I am infatuated with him, and that he is sick of me being around him all the time, that he doesn't trust me or respect me because I don't give him trust or respect.  He is absolutely set on telling me he still does not love me nor ever will, nor will he ever marry me, "so help me God" as he says. 

What confuses me is that, I hit a rough financial spot and lost my job, and he encouraged me to come live with him, I could have moved home with my parents, but he wanted my company.  He took my cats in with a fight, but I became majorly depressed without them.  He supports me financially right now because I am still trying to sell my home and am only working part time so I can drive him to gigs on the weekends (because he works 40-60+ hours a week).  He will not go to a gig alone, even if he doesn't have to work on the weekend, and won't allow me to go out with old friends because he doesn't believe I am talking to girls.  I encourage him to check my e-mail and phone so he feels secure, but that does not help.  Because of my part time job, he accuses me of cheating around on him because I have "extra" time.  Out of all the women he gawks at every single day, I have found 2 men at the bar I found decently attractive, I never walked up to them or danced with them, or exchanged names or numbers with them.  All things he has done right in front of me (or behind me).  I have no inclination to fool around on him because through being with him and knowing who he is, I do love the real Art.  I don't like the ego craving band guy that needs women to make himself feel "complete".  I love the one that sits and prays with me and helps me emotionally and spiritually through every day issues.  I admit that it has been almost one year since I've had an alcoholic beverage (minus one half shot) and we both quit the same day because I punched him in his head (not the first and not the last) because of a phone call from one of his chicks.

I don't know what else to add to the story.  He is desperate to get me out, and calling women every day at work trying to feed his ego.  Unfortunately for him, I changed their numbers and he thinks they are disconnected.

I pray for God to help get me out of this situation, but I fear that the sexual control will remain for a while.  I want to be strong and leave for good, I would be his friend, but fear I will do as he wishes in a couple weeks or months.  I believe that I have given my entire heart to him and any relationship from this point on will suffer because of it.  I have asked God to forgive me for the phone calls and e-mails and checking up on him all the time, but can't seem to stop doing it, so my prayers are in vain. 

Any help?

Hi Stryder,

My first question is are you born again? Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour? You mention praying to God but have you actually asked Him into your life?

Secondly I will be quite blunt with you. The life that you are leading is not conducive of anything Godly. It is nothing but a hindrance to you. This man has already told you that he does not intend to respect you or anyone else. You are not married to him thankfully so it is way past time to get out of this situation.

If you don't have a church that you are attending I strongly suggest that you find a good Bible believing church. A good church will help you in many ways. 

I will be praying for you in this situation.

Pastor Roger, No, I am not a born again, nor would I dare consider myself a Christian at this point.  I believe, and have been raised to believe, and understand that Jesus is my saviour, but for many years now (about 7) I have had failing faith.  I have trouble accepting Jesus as my Saviour because I do not understand forgiveness.  I do not understand why He would choose to accept someone like me, who can't even stop snooping, and forgive me.  Possibly because of the addiction I face.  There are times when I sense His presence and feel that he has forgiven me, but for the most part, no, I have difficulty understanding and accepting.  However, I have begged on my knees for God to come and instruct me and give me strength and guidance and to take control.  I have been told I am too closed minded to accept what I ask for though, and that I do not shut my mouth enough for it.  I have been reading Proverbs and taking notes and trying to figure it all out, I understand what must be done, but am in such financial burdeon that I can not change my situation to better my relationship with my Lord.

I know that the life I have created is not one that follows His ways, unfortunately I am stuck here until my house sells and I am able to save enough money to move out and support myself again.  I am not able to move back home because my parents have disowned me (mostly) for my decisions.  They do not live a Christian lifestyle either, they are simply unhappy that Art and I have embarked on selling the house rather than selling it to them to benefit them. 

The other side of this sword is that, when we are together and getting along, he will tell me that he doesn't love me now, but once his life changes and he starts following the Lord, he will be willing to see me for who I am and might be able to love me the way I need.  His past rockstar lifestyle has left a bad taste in his mouth towards women and I am being condemned for it.  And because of the lack of trust I feel that I must submit to his constant asking for physical relations.  Many times I am praying to God that it will all be over soon while he's doing his own thing.  But at the same time, I feel that I am somehow sent to him to protect and defend him.  Part of me knows this is wrong, but part of me believes without me, he would have an STD by now or would not have quit drinking or drugs or women (for the most part). 

I do attend church at least once a month, I promised myself this.  One is quite radical, but I enjoy a traditional service.  I attended one that my hometown pastor suggested, though the format was the same, I did not enjoy it like I remember enjoying church.  I was raised Lutheran and remember all the old hymns, this church is mainly black or African and they do not sing hymns, they have an African woman leading a few young girls through their native songs.  The other radical church once had an entire service based on asking for money.  They usually have a good message, but it is one of those massive churches you see on TV.  I like it to be a little more personal where the Pastor knows my name. 

I am new to this town and am quite afraid of venturing out because most of it has turned to bad parts of town.  I do not feel safe in most areas alone but attempt to face my fears on occasion.

I do not know what else to do until my home is sold because Art accuses me of cheating if I do not surrender to his requests.  And even when I do, he still hurts me with untrusting words and glances.  I have no where else to go because all of my money is taken and my bills are so incredibly high.  I can't afford to drive from my old town back to this one to work, especially at part time hours and there are no jobs for me in my old town.

I am just lost and need some guidance, and maybe I don't shut my mouth enough, but I'm trying to ask the questions to receive the answers.

Thanks for your response, I will continue to pray as I do each and every day.

First you say that you are not born again yet you say that you believe that Jesus is your Saviour, so I definitely see some great confusion on your part. Let me try to help alleviate some of this confusion. There is no one that deserves the love that God has shown us. We are all sinners in need of His saving love. That is the great part of His love. That is true forgiveness, love. He gives it to us freely if we but believe in Him and accept Him. How much greater a love can we ask for than that which He has shown for us. God came to us in the flesh as Jesus Christ, He gave His very life for us on the cross, facing the death that we so deserve, He rose again and is now in heaven waiting to claim those that willingly accept Him. Understanding this love is understanding forgiveness. How much greater love can someone have than to give their very life for others in order to save them.

If we believe in Him, ask Him for forgiveness of our sins, and ask Him to come into our hearts He will be faithful and just in forgiving us our sins. Jesus also promises us that he will never leave nor forsake us. Once we are His we remain His. He does not turn from us.

Rom 3:10  As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:
Rom 3:11  There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.
Rom 3:12  They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

Rom 3:23  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

Rom 5:12  Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

Rom 6:23  For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Rom 1:18  For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;

Rom 3:20  Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

Rom 3:27  Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.

Rom 5:8  But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Rom 5:9  Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.

Rom 2:4  Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

Rom 3:22  Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:

Rom 3:28  Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

Rom 10:9  That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

Rom 4:21  And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.

Rom 4:24  But for us also, to whom it shall be imputed, if we believe on him that raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead;

Rom 5:1  Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

Rom 10:10  For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

Rom 10:13  For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.



This sounds like more deceiving talk. "Once I change and start following the Lord  ..." Stryder don't wait on this. The time to accept the Lord is now, not some later date. We turn to the Lord first and then He will change us not the other way around.

He says that the Lord knows his heart and even though he does not lead a godly lifestyle, that his heart is set for the Lord.  He is waiting on his brothers return before he changes.  His brother will be arriving at earliest of April.  His brother is a very faithful man, he brings tears to my eyes just knowing the faith and obedience that lies within him for God.  I am afraid also that no matter how much i change to follow God's requests, I will never be good enough to enter Heaven's gates.  Such a small amount will be allowed in through the resurrection and I fear that I will not make it in time.

I have prayed a thousand times that God help me out of my burdens, yet I still see no resolution in the distance.  I don't know what else to do, if I don't give in, the days here can become minutes and I am afraid Art will throw me out with my cats to live in my car.  It is miserable and a stupid excuse, but if I give in to him at least he won't be angry for a few hours (usually). 

I have had friends tell me that I have done nothing wrong, that he does not deserve my love.  He was deeply upset by this, adding that he has given me a home to live in with my cats (and he is not a cat person) given me food and paid my bills when I couldn't, he says he's put up with a lot.  I don't doubt it, sometimes it is hard for me to deal with myself, let alone someone else deal with me.  I am tired of it feeling like a pity party, I just want things to change and I am not in control of the situation, nor will I be for a while.  I know God has ultimate control, but I believe that we do things to ourselves and turn to Him to change everything.  I know that I can't get a glass of milk just by praying, I need to get up, go to the fridge and get it myself, it is because of God that all my parts work and that I'm able to thirst, I just can't get up, something is weighing me down, and right now I feel that money and this relationship are those weights.

I would agree that these two things are definitely hurdles to overcome but they are not as high of a hurdle as you may think. God can make them nothing more than a door seal to step over. As I said I will be praying for you in this matter as you need to do also.

I still strongly recommend that you go to your pastor with this problem. There may be something that he can do to help you out of this situation. You mentioned this man being angry. If this is a violent sort of anger there are other means to use to get out of this situation also. I suggest going to a nearby Salvation Army. If they do not have the facilities they will normally know the right direction to go.

My advice to you would be for you to move out of his house, even if that means going to live with your parents or a friend. Having been in relationships where my better-half was telling lies and cheating, I found in the long run it was dragging my life down. All the worrying and wondering if what was said was true or not made me sick inside. It sounds like you are obsessed with this man and he is willing to help you as a convenience and no more.
By separating yourself from him and with courage you can learn to live with out him. Ask God, to forgive you for all your sins against Him, give your life to God and he will direct your path. The road will not be easy and you will cry a river, but given time I believe that you will begin to see there is a big wide world out here filled with men that will treat you with respect and in turn you will gain respect for your self. Take time to read the Bible, and it will help bring you out of the darkness of your dispair, into the light. May God's peace be with you.

Heavenly Father, Forgive us for our reluctance to recognize and confess our sins. replace our eagerness to vindicate ourselves with a willingness to see things Your way. Help us to repent.   Amen

Amen.

I also agree you should leave this man....he is just using you and disrepecting you in a totally horrible way.  (You are very fortunate you have not caught an STD from this loose man.)   And, you, in turn are acting in a way that is no good.  The others have given you very good advice.....please do talk with a pastor that is willing to listen and to counsel you.  The Lord will forgive you if you are sorry for your sins and pray to receive Him as your Savior.  If you don't read the Bible, please start to read the Gospel of John.

When we know the Lord as our Savior, the Holy Spirit in our hearts will help to guide us and teach us.  We will desire the holy rather than an evil way of life.  Life lived in the Spirit, following the Lord is much to be desired.  The way of the flesh will only pull you down more and more.....please do get some counseling from a good pastor.

Welcome Stryder,

I totally agree with the advice you have received.  Please leave this man...now!  As Debp mentioned, it is amazing that you are STD free.  This man is a deceitful whoremonger who has no intentions of changing.  Involvement with a man leading a promiscuous lifestyle is like playing Russian Roulette.  If you continue to be intimate with him, you may ultimately contract an STD, most serious of which would be HIV.  He's not worth it!

If he were truly serious in his quest to know the Lord, he would not need to "wait" for his brother or anyone else.  Tomorrow is not promised, and waiting to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, could prove to be an eternal mistake.  Please do not wait.  Don't listen to Art, and don't give into his advances.  This is not the life God wants for you. 

Jesus will accept you as you are.  None of us are worthy of His love, but He gives it freely.  Come to Jesus, He will fill your life with joy no man can give.   I pray the Lord will strengthen you.

1John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Serious christian advice...God hates sin....

You are operating in your relationship on your own...for you have not trusted God to change your life..as you have not walked away from sin that has you bound and has broken you from fellowship with God...There are consequences to sin and even though one accepts the Lord..the consequence is still there...and will be dealt with..The Lord knows the hearts o men and when one can say..God knows my heart and knows I sin is only justifying himself  by what is really unbelief...but God is just and is it worth it to come face to face with Him knowing He knows you have justified your sin?...

it is 4 yrs of nothing and will be more because you have not figured ourt you lost. I read all your post and it has nothing to do with God but everything to do with you wanting to be comforted for sin. i am not sorry to tell you, you are flirting with the devil and the price will be high. My pastor told me yestersay, God will not always strive with man and that htere can come a time when it is too late and there is a time for judgement and instead of 4 yrs for nothing, you will have a lifetime of hell. This you can be certain of. When I came to the Lord my life was a mess and I thought I could hang on to the old me and did not think about the consequences. I thought God would clean up the mess I made but He gave me the courage to admit I did it to myself, God had nothing to do with me when I was not his and I had to pay for what I did and there have been many times I blamed God for what I did out of my own selfishness. I am not perfect, but I am letting god change me into what is pleasing to Him. I am finally living a life that is honest and open to good things the Lord brings. I remembr all the times I prayed for this guy to love me and treat me right, but I am so glad the Lord heard my prayer and the answer was convicting, I needed Jesus and I have not been the same since. I take my salvation serious because I know God will come and those who do not know him and have mocked him will be eternally in hell with what they wanted most, sin.

He is not physically abusing me.  Emotionally, mentally, I sometimes think so.  I have made a lot of changes with myself just in the last 6 months.  I've taken control over most of my life.  I still give in to some things and I've taken responsibility for the things I do wrong. 

He is a good person, just not the person for me, not now.  He's not off with other women, he doesn't have time for that, but he does try to find time to talk with them on occasion. 

I do not have anywhere else to go right now.  I am an hour and a half away from my home town where all of my family is located.  I do not have any friends down here, nor do I think I want to.  It is a great job, it's just part time, I was promised full time and then got it taken away for a deviation that occured 5 months prior to the punishment.  Now I have to wait until the earliest of August to go full time.

Art has helped me, whether for his benefit or mine.  I believe it is for both.  I know that our lifestyle isn't helping our future and that it needs to change.  I have been reading the Bible more and more and taking notes.  I talked with him yesterday and he suggested that I fast from sin.  He is willing to put aside his flesh desires for me to do this, which tells me he's not truly out to hurt me.  We prayed last night and I can only hope it works. 

Sometimes I fear that I am forgotten, that I've repeated the prayers in my heart too much and He does not choose to hear me now.  I am trying to focus on one thing at a time and it's impossible for me to do.  I wish I could just disappear from the world and focus on what I need to focus on, but that can't happen, I have responsibilities.  My first goal is to understand the fear I should feel for the Lord.  I am amazed at His power to create or disable things with nothing more than a thought to do so, but I don't think I fear Him like I should.  Any help on this subject is graciously accepted. 

I know I'm jumping from one subject to another, but there's a lot of mess in my life and like I said, I can't just focus on one thing, there's too much that needs to be done.  I appreciate all of your prayers and responses.  thank you.

I think that both of you need to get serious about confessing your sins to the Lord, asking for forgiveness and then with the help of God, try to walk with Him.  None of us is perfect, but we should not deliberately put ourselves into sinful situations.

If you and Art are not interested in getting married to each other, you should try going back to your family....until you can get back on track more.  I say this because you two will probably just keep falling back into lust for each other...as long as you are living together.

I'm glad you are reading the Bible as this will help you to grow spiritually.

I have read the replies and very sound advice has been given.  I am writing to tell you that I know how you do feel though because I was in a very familiar situation long ago myself.  I prayed and prayed and prayed for guidance on my relationship with this man hearing everything you have heard and believing everything you have heard also.  I actually had convinced myself at one point that God gave me this man to change his life around.  This was not true and as I read my Bible I started realizing this. So no matter what I prayed for to change, it did not. More lies, more lies and more lies.  I did love him but the day came when I took my stand for Jesus in this relationship (I was a Christian then but had lost my way). The wonderful part of this was that I realized that God was there all the time waiting for me to act on His word and not just read it.  I broke it off and cried a million tears, but the more I cried and read the Bible and prayed; the more He showed me what I was too blind to see.  In asking Him for forgiveness for this terrible road that I ventured on I am forgiven.  I have forgiven this man also and still pray for him to this day. I live my life now for Jesus and if there be someone out there for me; He will show me because He knows who is best for me and I will not choose again on my own.
I am truly happy for the first time in my life after many years.  So for you, find a Bible based Church, give your life over to Jesus and let Him take control. Hard yes, but not for long because the strength that you will receive from the Father is truly amazing as He is. 

I have heard from this man since but I will not be persuaded again and he knows this.

You are young and have many good years ahead of you to share with someone who loves you for who you are inside and out. God will help you all the way.  The hardest step that you will take is letting go and letting God, but for that you will never live another day in dilemma.  I am going to keep you in my prayers for that step.  I do sence that you do really want to take that step. Don't be afraid. God is there with you - take His hand - He Loves You.

"for God so loved Stryder, that He gave His only begotton Son...that if Stryder believes in Him she will not perish, but have eternal life"...Yes..God is in the relationship issues for to have a real realationship with anyone that is fruitful...you have to know the Lord first...anything else in this world fails and is so fickle for this world belongs to the devil and we all will one day turn to dust...but the souls of those that know the Lord will have eternal life and all who have died in their sin will face the Lord and give account...There wiill come a time that no one will pass oyour way and offer what will truly set you free for God does not strive with man...hearts can become so hard that the minds of these people will never see the truth and forevr blinded by the lust of this world...Being a christian, is not an easy road it is very narrow...that is why so many fall away because of selfish desires and compromising sin until the very sin itself destroys them...Are you going to be one that sin eventually destroys...You have been given a free will and God will not go against your will...but His will for your life is far better than you could ever imagine...but so many chose what is temporary and what will destroy them...
A christian will not beg a person to accept the Lord but will tell you the way...and you have been told the way...It is up to you to chose you this day who you will serve...

Amen Maryjane

I'm already lost.  I've strayed so far from that road, I question if I ever was on it in the first place.  I honestly do.  Talking to so many people and reading what people write and reading the bible, saying God only comes with loud trumpets and waves of power, I don't know if what I believed to be the Lord is actually what I encountered.  What I experienced when I believed to be a Christian was not fear at all, it was love so deep it made me sad because I knew I couldn't comprehend it.  Things so beautiful that I can't describe.  I don't fear the Lord like everyone says I have to in order to be a Christian.  I am in total awe of the power and love for us, this world, and everything around us, but I don't fear Him. 

I guess my situation is meaningless compared to my situation with God.  There are too many things in this world that I can't control.  I've just lost my job and I still have a home to keep up.  I appreciate all the thoughts and words and prayers.  I just don't know how to make things better.  Everyone can say, just leave, just do this, just do that, but I guess this fear and understanding and trust in the Lord isn't great enough within me yet to just pack up and live out of my car.  It's just my truth.

Those that do not accept Christ as their Saviour are those that have need to fear. As the Bible tells us fear not "fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell".


This is not necessarily true. Yes when He returns to this world He will indeed come with trumpets blowing and all eyes will see Him. When He comes to us personally it is quite often quietly, gently tugging at our heart, whispering soft calming words to us and yes filling us with a love and peace beyond all understanding.


All these things are controlled by Him if we but let Him, in His time and in His way. We may not understand all of the time as to why we go through the things we do but it is for our good.


Let the Lord do this for you. Step out in faith in Him, trust Him not yourself or others.

Hi Stryder, Pastor Roger gave you some very good counsel.  I would also like to say that as Christians the "fear" we have of God is a reverence for Him (rather than fearful fear of Him).

You and your mother look so happy in the picture.  Isn't it great when you can gor to your mother and there is a smile and hug waiting, even when you have done something wrong an your mother knows you have, she still loves you the same.  I am that way with my children. I tell them I love them even when they are bad. 
As much as a mother and father love their children and want good for them and will strive to provide for them, God loves you even more. He knows every tear you shed and he knows what you are thinking and what you have done and where you have been and even so, He waits with poen arms because He love you and He desires for you to know it and to trust Him.  I can see how you are stuck where you are as this world has become so hard to live in with the economy the way it is. Still, through every circumstance you go through, God is there and He knows your heart and the pain your go through and you can turn to Him and trust Him with your life.  Just like a little child that got caught in a tree and holds his arms out to be helped by his father is the way you are now.. You may be stuck, but God is holding out His arms to you and wants to give you beauty for ashes.  God bless you and I will be praying for you.
littlenana

Stryder, if there is a certain sin that has you bound and confused and keeps you from coming to God out of guilt...He already knws your heart and He knows what it is that you cannot let go of that keeps you from Him...although...he also knows that it is because of you He sent Jesus that you can be free of what has you bound and can be put under the blood of Jesus...Jesus is the delivererer.  Please remember this as you will soon need it...

As I read through your replies it is almost as if your saying, you want to change, but your not willing to take the risks to do so. A friend of mine was once in a situation similar to yours. She was in a different State, not a hour and a half away, but a thosand miles from her family and living with people who were very cruel mentally to her. She prayed for a way out, and when a idea of how to do that came to her, she with faith and courage took the chance and went to a pastor of a church which she had never attended and did not know and ask for help. That Pastor found her a family she could live with for a few months until she had saved enough money to be out on her own. She did babysitting and housecleaning, as a extra way of saying thank you to this family who took her in. She went around town asking for and finding other house cleaning jobs, and as a result she ended up starting her own housecleaning business in that new town and thereby proved that God does answer prayer. But you have to be willing to trust in God, and you must really want to change your life and improve your circumstances. If you don't want to change then no amount of good advice from anyone is going to help you.
Change is hard work. It does not come on a silver platter. It must be sought after and worked hard for. It is a life changing experience.
I will continue to pray for you that you may see the wisdom of the way of God, and the conviction of change. May God's peace be with you.