ChristiansUnite Forums

Lets get a discussion going about some issues that we need to talk about or deal with !!
I will throw out some topics and someone run with it. Who is going to be the brave one.
We are women with issues, what women does't have them. By Gods Grace we are free from any bondage but in realty we choose to stay there sometimes even though we don't have too! What has a hold of you that you just can't let go of. Maybe talking about it here will help.

Sexual sins of the Past (mine)
Unfaithful Spouse
Broken Relationship with a parent or sibling (unforgiveness)
Abuse
Marital Problems (finances, cheating, intimacy problems)
Loss of a child
Rebellious Children who are lost
Guilt
Bitterness



I hope this starts a positive encouraging diologue.

Dawn

hi, you want to have discussions about an unfaithful spouse, i have one, who doesn't think that he is being unfaithful because he does not feel the same way about me as i do him.  i love him with all my heart.  he says he doesn't love me and never really did.  he said he only married me because it was the right thing to do,( i was 4months pregnant when we got married) but he stayed for 17 and half years.  and we had 3 children all together.  he says he fell in love with another, and yes he has been physical with her.  this has been going on for about a year and a half.  but he technically isn't with her( his words) because he is still living with his mom.  he moved out 5 months after he told me that he had feelings for someone else.  but over the last year and a half he has also still been physical with me, he says it is because he misses contact.  and i want to be physical with him to show him that i still love him and want to be with him.  i now realize that i am just a subsitute for the other woman.  she says she loves him as much as i do but she can't be with him because of her ex-husband and her two teenage daughters.  so he keeps coming to me to comfort him.  i know i am a doormat.  i just love him so much.  what should i do?

Hi gina,

Sister Maria gave you some excellent advise on your situation in another thread.

I would like to add a few things for you to think about. One you are a mother and need to be concerned about the example that you are setting for them. To allow him to continue in this manner is actually condoning his actions and it is telling your children that it is okay to live this way. Please understand that I am not suggesting divorce although that may end up being the only solution. What I am talking about is the intimacy. Until/unless he wants to work out a reconciliation and is serious about it the intimacy needs to stop.

hi pastor roger,

i agree and have told him that it is going to stop, that i am no longer a doormat, i have also told him that he cannot come to the house anymore to see the kids, that he can see the kids whenever he wants to but he has to take them out of the house.  i just can't see him anymore, it hurts he doesn't get it. he says he does but he doesn't.  i have been praying alot and when i told him not to come around anymore i had a peace about it, so i know that it was the right decision to make.  i think that we will eventually end up divorced, even though i don't want one.  he keeps telling me everything that is going on.  which sometimes is a good thing and other times it is not.  but i would rather know some things but not some other things.  but with god's help and the help of good christian friends i will get thru this.  i have started to feel better about myself which is a good thing, i hope.  i am quite jealous of the relationship he has with her, because he always puts her first and i never was, i always felt last and he says i was never last and i said yes i was.  he treats her the way i always wanted him to treat me.  so now i am working on not being jealous all the time.  i am asking for prayer for this part of my life.  and that i will lead the life that god has for me and not the one i want for me. thank you all for your prayers
 gina

Sister Gina, always remember that God should be number one in your life, as hard as it may be for you to not be jealous, you must not let it get in the way of your relationship with God. Believe me God will open doors for you that no man can shut and close doors that either you or the enemy have opened. Put your trust in God.

I was previously married to the father of my children and for 11 years I was a single mom, after I raised my children and my youngest turned 11 ( I was pregnant when I divorced him) I met my present husband. I was not looking for any relationship as I had already raised my children and had only one child left at home. Then out of the blue God put my husband in my life. He is the best husband a woman could want, he is a Christian and a good father, he has 2 children from a previous relationship (never got married to her) and I have been raising his 2 daughters for the past 8 years. My youngest daughter considers him her dad, since her biological father was never there for her, and my grandchildren only know him as their granddad.

God knows what you need and He will provide you a good husband in His due time, it may be your present husband (renewed) or another God fearing man who knows how to honor and love you the way you deserve.

Be patient my sister, just focus on God alone. Have confidence in God and in yourself as a person who deserves to be treated as a child of God.

Love God first, and yourself second, the rest will fall into place.

God Bless you,
In Christ,
Maria

DChristian, I don't remember if I've had the chance to welcome you in another thread, but I'd like to welcome you again.

I appreciate you're trying to stir up some great conversation here at the women's forum.

I do have a thread on the loss of a child. I lost a child and it is a very painful experience. But God is more than able to see us through even our greatest sorrows. There are other members here too that have lost a child. It's something that some people are afraid to talk to others about because they don't always know what to say. When I lost my baby (4 days old), my neighbors avoided me because they felt uncomfortable, I felt alone, I felt shunned, that would be a wonderful topic for many of us. To help each other through.

thank you maria,

for your prayers and what you have said to me.  i am not letting the jealousy control me, i have turned it over to god and pray often for his guidance.  i pray that he will control my life and not me.  that he will lead me down the path he wants me on.  i don't know what my future holds however i do know that god has a plan for me whether it is with my husband or with someone else i am open to what god wants for me.  i still love my husband alot and would like to have him back but i have left that up to god to decide for me.  i can't take him back unless he is willing to give up his friendship with the other person and he has to prove to me that he wants me and only me before i will let him move back home.  so i keep praying for god's direction in this, not my own.  thank you once again for all your prayers everyone.

gina

Amen Sister, it sounds to me like you have your goals set and your priorities in order. Remember too sister, that your husband just leaving the other woman is not enough, pray that he will seek God and pray for his salvation. Sister, if your husband cannot love you the way you love him, he won't be able to respect you, and it will be hard to trust him.
Pray for his salvation, Sister, even if he never comes back home, continue to pray for his salvation.
I know how you feel Gina, because the same thing happened to me with my first marriage. I know what you are going through and how you are feeling. Please do not belittle yourself, do not think that you are not as good as anyone else, do not blame yourself, do not think you are unworthy, ugly, fat, old or anything else. I know that is how I felt when I was betrayed by the man I thought was supposed to be my husband til death do us part.
Those are thoughts that every woman has. Remember, your inner beauty is what will always be there. I have learned that. External beauty fades, but the inner beauty will last forever.
I have learned and grown wiser over the years, but 26 years ago I thought that my world revolved around that man. I was very foolish then, now I know that God is in control of every single little detail of my life.
And He is in control of yours too Gina,  ;), He loves you more than you can ever imagine.

Gina, if you would like to talk further, you may just ask me for my email and I would be happy to PM it to you.

Love in Christ,
Maria

yes maria i would like to talk to you, you sound like such a wonderful lady.  you know exactly how i feel about my self.  so if you would like me to have your email, i would like to have it.  so i can continue to talk to you privately.  your post made me cry, because you hit the nail on the head as they say.  i have felt all of those things. and stilll have days that i do feel like that.  but they are getting fewer and far between each other.

thanks again for being there for me.

gina

Just sent it to you Gina. Feel free to talk anytime you want. I will continue to pray for you and I will be expecting to hear from you soon.

Love in Christ,
Maria

Sorry that I started this then haven't been here. I have a business that keeps me at other boards alot and 3 children so I am busy. Thanks for sharing. I agree that you have got to see yourself as God sees you. He doesn't see you as a door mat. You are hurting Him by letting your spouse walk all over you. Treat yourself as the daughter of the King. A Holy Vessle, a Princess. Thats what you are.

Dchristian we have missed you.  ;)

Glad you came back, yes I understand what it is like to have small children and trying to run a business at the same time.

I agree with you Dchristian we are children of the King.

God gives us beauty for ashes:

Isa 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.