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I am tired, not physically. I need God in a new way tonight.Someone I thought was headed for an amazing, and just like that he just kinda fell from what I thought he was. Maybe I just kinda thought he was growing in Christ really fast. I was so wrong. I feel defeated. Beatdown. Thats the first time since I have been a Chrstian that I feel inadequate. Its not that I dont trust God with it, I do. He just wants nothing more than to be him. He thinks that I think going from door to door telling people about God is amazing. I dont, I think it is a step in the right direction bt only when it is neccesary. Maybe right now a sreet corner is where we need to be.

 He doesnt want more, and that scares me.

 Don't be so hard on yourself my friend! :D

Man, when I first started to "look into" Jesus, I went up and down for years. I know now that as soon as I asked Jesus into my life and asked for forgiveness of my sins - I was "in"! Even though I continued to seriously backslide for years. My Christian friends who were attempting to guide me straight must have felt just as you do now - but, don't sweat it - Jesus has it under control my brother!  :D

Bronzesnake

I know hes got it under control but that doesnt stop the pain.

I do understand.

My father doesn't believe, and it is very painful to think he will spend eternity in...well, you know.

I love my dad, he's one of the kindest, selfless people I've ever known. I'm not just saying that because he's my dad either - I say it because it's true.

 He has his reasons to doubt. Dad served aboard the HMS Illustrious aircraft carrier through WWII - then, he enlisted in the British army, and was in Egypt during the Suez canal episode. He saw many tragic and horrible things during his service. He stepped over many dead bodies in India and Africa, many starved and otherwise dead men, women, and children.

 His father was a missionary, and left his 13 children to do God's work. During that time, dad's mom died, and his brothers and sisters were split up and sent all over England. Then, his dad died. My father resented the fact that his own dad was more interested in God than he appeared to be in his own family. He may have a point. I don't think the man should have had so many children if he was going to be a missionary. Perhaps he should have stayed home and did God's work while taking care of his children and wife.

Dad says the classical "if there really is a God, then why does He allow all this death and suffering?" He won't listen to any explanation. Dad also believes in evolution. The sad thing is that dad basis his evolutionary information on very old text, and is unwilling to re-examine the evidence, although, I have done my best to update his evolutionary education, and he has actually begun to realize there is a suspicious lack of any real proof. Still, he won't even consider Jesus.  I've prayed and prayed - even begged. Jesus tells us not to worry, so I have learned to take His advice instead of being in a constant state of pain and anguish.

My brother accepted Jesus only one month prior to his death over two years ago. He was only 45 years old, and has four daughters. I was in a state of near panic when my brother continuously rejected my attempts to bring him to Jesus. I fought for the last three years of Jim's life, and at times my brother demanded that I "quit it!" so I trusted Jesus, and in the end Jesus came through.

 I wonder how many of us come to Jesus on our last breath. No one would even know, and yet I believe it does happen.


Bronzesnake

I See your point and I agree we shouldnt be in such a state all the time or even to worry over it. But Faith doesnt take the pain just the strain. And I wont let it consume me nor will I allow myself to be harmed by it.
I understand the whole thing about one parent not being saved my father is also among those who do not believe, yet he knows the Bible more than most will ever dream of knowing it. Though I am really kind of indiferent towards him I still love him and wish him the best and I even try to help him in this matter he just keeps saying things like "I got inside the Bible and found what I believe, now you do the same." So I am there with oyu on that matter.

Hey Joshua,

You need to just pray for your father. He may not be receiving the Word of God correctly. May he not be the seed that fell on bad soil where the thorns got to it when it grew. Nor the seeds that fell on shallow ground and quickly withered and died.

Also, I dont think you can expect so much from a person. You see...we dont judge by outward appearance. You may have thought he was growing quickly but it is only a matter of the heart.

Brother, I feel that words will be of no use. Christ is being written on your heart with ink. You are a story of Christ for Him. So what you should do is just live Christ! Pray for him too.