ChristiansUnite Forums

Hi everyone,
   I was browsing the net and came across this wonderful site this morning. A lot of the topics you all discussed here really hit close to home. I couldn't miss out becoming part of this forum. I am sorry for greeting you all with my problem. Yet I feel compelled to ask for help.
   I have been going to church for years. I am ashamed to admit that I have been really backsliding pretty much eversince I was baptized. Especially for the past 2 years, eversince I started dating a non-Christian guy. I am not blaming him for what'd happened to me. I only have myself to blame.
   It started out really casually. We were classmates. We did homework and study together. We grew to like each other more than just friends. A close friend from church warned me not to play with the fire. Yet, I assured him that I wouldn't fall in love with him, and I would only test the water because I never dated anyone before.  
  To make the long story short, I'd drifted farther from God. I've even given myself to him, needless to say, to much of my own disappointment, grief, regret, and shame. I hide none of those feelings from him. He knew how I felt like a failure, hypocrite, and not worthy of His mercy.
  When I recently told my friend (who knows the sin we committed) about him marrying me in the future, he told me not to marry because I felt that he owed me. He told me not to look at the marriage as a way of reimbursement of what I've lost.
  My boyfriend is not a bad guy. He is sweet and lovable. I do enjoy being with him. However, I want us to marry based on love, not because I felt like no other guy would marry me because I've been tainted, a feeling that keeps on haunting me.
  I hope my experience would be a lesson to learn from, instead of a stumbling block for any of you. I thank you for your advices and supports in prayers.

I'm glad you found this forum and hope you find the answers you are looking for here.
There are alot of reasons to marry someone, but you should never marry someone out of quilt because you slept with them. Talk to God, tell him you are sorry, and don't repeat your mistakes. But do not marry someone for this reason alone. It will never work out if you marry him out of guilt. I know the guilt and shame you are feeling right now. I've been there myself. But marrying this guy will not make those feeling go away. It will only make them worse, because you will be marrying a non Christian. The saying "two wrongs don't make a right" defiantly applies in this case.
You know the decisions you have been making are wrong or you wouldn't be here asking for help. You know in your heart that God loves you, he wouldn't leave you "stuck" with someone for the wrong reasons. He will forgive you for the wrong choices you've made. Trust in him.

Hi dear one. I believe it was Paul who tells us not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. So why not ask your boyfriend to come to church with you? It may be that he gets saved. By all means stop having s*x with him. Explain gently why you think it is wrong. But dont marry him just because you feel guilty for sleeping with him. Hope I have helped.

Oh sweetie there are more people out there (both male and female) "tainted" then not. Stop doing the deed with the guy and tell him your faith and your feelings for God. His response will tell you if he is even a possible life long mate for you....God will make this clear to you...just listen.

I have been in your shoes and still am. I became a Christian after I had already moved in with my boyfriend. Once I became a Christian he understood that I could no longer have sex with him although he does try on occasion. I just recently found my own place and will be moving out of his house in the next month. He is a WONDERFUL person but is not equally yoked with me and I know our end is soon. If he doesn't love God the way you do it will never work.

Have faith in God! He will see you though this no matter how hard it might be. The person you are to be with will understand you indiscretion. God will bring you to the one you are to be with.

Thank you all for your kind advices. I feel more encouraged than before to hear from you guys that my mistakes do not mean that I can have nobody else but him. I am now working hard to make myself believe that. Though it is still work in progress, but I ask for your help in prayers to help me go through this. I talked to him. I told him that I wish to go back to the way our relationship first started (I told him there would be no sex when we first started going out). He agreed, reluctantly. Although I know I should trust in God, there is still a part of me who doesnt want to let go of the wheel and let God take control of my soul mate. Again, thank you all for being here.