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I also posted this in the men's only section, but thought it would be good to post in here so that the women of the forums could give me their two cents on the issue. It is something that I know not only I, but millions of other men are caught in, and also millions of women are hurting from. This is why I put this here also. Sorry if it's not the right thing to do. But please, whatever you do, pray for me. I need all the help I can get!!



I come to you a saved man who finds himself receding farther from God everyday. I am guilty of sexual immorality and I'm having a lot of trouble stopping it. I know that God says, "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I seriously find myself at a loss of how to control my roving eyes and my wandering mind. My wife knows what I do, and we talk about it and try to figure out ways to comfront the problem and "fix" it. But nothing seems to work. A lot of people tell me to pray and seek God's wisdom, but with this sin looming over me, I find myself feeling like God is someone in the in-crowd and I'm not worthy to hang out with Him. I feel like because of my sin, God doesn't hear my prayers as He would of someone with a more pure heart. I'm asking all who have either had this problem, or know someone who has, to please (1) PRAY FOR ME and (2) Give me some advice.

I am reading a book called "every man's battle" by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and with Mike Yorkey. It seems to be starting off good and promises to help me work out a plan when I'm finished reading it, but I'm scared it won't be enough.

I come from the group of people in the world that says and thinks that we can't control our eyes or our minds. You know the people, "it's ok to look as long as I don't touch," or the, "I can look at the menu as long as I always come home for dinner." Well, I'm sick of looking at someone else's menu when all I want is to eat at my own resteraunt. Not sure if that's an appropriate thought, but I mean it in the purest sense.

With this sexual immorality sin looming over my head, not only am I not giving my beautiful and attractive wife all the attention and all my focus that she deserves, but I also feel I am keeping myself seperated from God. I sometimes wonder if this fits in with the ultimate sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit because I know that it's a sin, but yet I do it and do it knowingly.

Please help. I am lost on how to control this "natural" urge. Any advice you can give, I'm more then willing to take in and try out.

Thank you.

Hurting and Paying,
Robert

Hey Robert,

You need to remember that the enemy wants you to think that God will not take you back, and that is how he seduces people farther into sin.  You do have to accept God's forgiveness and realize that all those other people in the body of Messiah that you consider more pure than yourself are only pure by the same way, Messiah's blood.  Everyone cleansed by His blood is pure and clean.

That is the reality of it from God's point of view.  That doesn't mean that there aren't other things that you can do....
Stop watching movies, TV, or listening to music that speaks of any impure relationships, or uses sexual language.  Garbage in, garbage out.  This also applies to porn if that is involved, keep it far from you.

I have found that in my life, if I read or see movies that have sexual scenes, then my mind tends to naturally follow those images, and it takes concious effort to battle those thoughts and prayer.  It is much better if we keep the temple of our minds clear from such things.

If you have friends and family that spend a lot of time watching such things, then you may need to change friends, or limit time with them to conversation and other activities.  Drastic?  Yes, but you are talking about your marriage and more importantly, your relationship with your Creator.

If pornography is an issue, then you should find another strong Christian friend that can hold you accountable and allow him to randomly check your computer history for pornography often.

Prayer is also important, and you have mine.

I went through a problem in my past with the same thing as well as pornography, and I know exactly how you feel.  Just remember that the lies the enemy is pusing on you now are-
1. God doesn't want you back (but Jesus left the 99 sheep for the 1)
2. It isn't "really" a sin since you aren't doing anything physically. (comiting adultry in your heart)
3. Everyone else in Messiah's body is a perfect saint and doesn't have the same temptations. (King David, a man after God's own heart had the same problem, and he had a few wives already)
4. That someone else will satisfy your desire, other than the one God gave you. (as if God doesn't know what you need, or doesn't want you to enjoy the wife of your youth)

If you have spare time where these thoughts come up, do something that involves more participation so that you can't think those thoughts, preferrably where there aren't women around.  Sports with other men, men's bible studies, etc.
Spare time is the devil's playground as the saying goes... so is an idle mind.

Lastly, ground yourself (baptize yourself) in the Word.  Don't stop at reading it, take it in smaller chunks and study it.  If a piece of scripture is not exciting to you, that only means that you don't understand it yet.  Seek the meaning of God's Word, hunger and thirst after it.  This is a healthy addiction that will help counter the unhealthy one you are working to escape.

1Co 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

For me, I remember my escape was that I would go out camping by myself, or with one other brother and dedicate my time to reading the scriptures, and praying, and admiring our Father's creation.  
This did help, but most of the bad influences I had were still there when I got back, so I  had to work at nutralizing those (friends, media, TV, music, Internet, etc.). Just think of these things as alters to idols, and nutralizing them as turning over the alters, unafraid at the consequences.  God will see your change of heart and stregnthen you beyond what you can imagine.  For more inspiration, read what Elijiah did at mount Carmel, or what Josiah or Gideon did. What they did was not popular with others in Israel, but God used them because they were willing to do whatever it took to be holy to God.

Peace, blessings, and prayers
-Onebook

AMEN ONEBOOK!!!

You gave excellent advice.

There are no perfect men and women. God will forgive us, but that doesn't mean that HE's happy when we commit sin. I give thanks that God will forgive us, lift us up, and give us the Grace to try again. If HE didn't, we would all be lost.

Onebook, I can't add to your post, as you covered nearly all of the ways to combat this problem. I would say that the most important way you listed is to pray and to keep praying that God will grant the Grace and strength to overcome. Every Christian struggles daily to live a testimony that would be pleasing to HIM. Our struggle and prayer is exactly what Christians are supposed to do until Jesus takes us home, perfects us, removes us from the presence of sin, and gives us glorified bodies. We are to fight a good fight and run a good race during this short life on earth. The more we yield to HIM, the stronger HE will make us. The harder we try, the greater our joy will be in HIM.

Robert, we can also pray for each other, and I will be praying for you.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Amen Onebook!!! This is truly something that ALL men need to know.

Brother Robert, I can guarentee you that you are not alone. I am pretty sure that about 95% of men have, are, or will commit adultery. (And even the men who have conquered this temptation may fall back into it in the future.) The majority of this may not come from an actually physical relationship but from pornography, media, and just plain old looking. We know that this is just as serious and sinful from what Jesus has taught us.  

The problem you may be feeling is intense contriteness. Although that was something that God approved of (a contrite spirit), it is unnecessary now because this was before Jesus had died for us. Jesus has now made us pure from his blood. If you feel that you are too impure to talk to God because of this, then that is Satan's trap. Satan wants to make you feel unforgiven and impure and not fit to receive Jesus's cleansing blood. The truth is you have already been forgiven!! But this obstacle has set you back from God and kept you from being all that God wants you to be.

From this you must realize that: You have already been forgiven. You know that you gave into a temptation but wallowing yourself in this failure is what Satan wants you to do and not what Jesus wants you to do.

What God wants you to do is ask for strength to conquer this weakness. When you are tempted God is always faithful and he will give you a way to escape. From that moment, it is up to you to choice whether you want to give into this temptation. It is here that you need strength.

Whenever you are tempted, immediately pray to God for strength to overcome it. Meditate on
Stop feeling guilty and contrite! If you have faith in Jesus, you are pure and you are a child of God. Remember that "nothing can seperate you from the love of Jesus." We are praying for you and ourselves. I know that there are many men who fall to pornography or will in the future. Keep praying and reading scripture; God will remain faithful.

Stop feeling guilty and contrite!  ???

David agonized over his sin with Bathsheba. He wrote, "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving-kindness; according to the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me"

David was devastated by the effects of sin on his relationship with God. He wrote, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit"

Only when David mourned over his sin and repented to God was he cleansed. Then only could he say, "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered" (Ps. 32:1)

In the NT, James 4:8-10 says, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye doubleminded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep; let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up."

Any advice you can give, I'm more then willing to take in and try out.


Just imagine being married to Herman Munster:

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/2084/munsters.html


     8)


     ???

Remember this; you speak to God through your prayers and He will speak to you through the Holy Scriptures.  

Symphony,

 ;D   ;D  Your sense of humor is almost as warped as mine.

Scott: "A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her."
Kirk: "Thank you, Mister Scott, I'll try not to take that personally."
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
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The enemy...........why are people so vague JUST SAY SATAN drives me nuts.

anyways. I have a porn problem my self. I'm going through a week where I'm not looking at any porn at all. Just to prove I can stop.

You should do that too.