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 i have been in an abusive marraige for 1 year and 4 months. i have left a few times begging him to get help. he hasn't and the last straw is when he started throwing me aruond while our 4 year old neice was there. that was the last straw. my father who is a minister told me i had to go back and my mom said i didnt. i am not planning on going back i told him to get help and he said i needed the help not him, he is not a believer and i know that he can leave me and that doesnt put the sin on myself. but i gave him the ultimatium. and said i wasnt coming back. he told me to the papers and i said no. i wasnt divorcing him, i just wasnt coming back to an unsafe environment. he said he would get them if i paid half. i DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK i want to move on with my life. if i stay there and forgive i may not have a life to do anything with. how can a loving God want someone to stay in a situation that gets worse everyday?

emp821:

My heart and my prayers go out to you. IMHO there is no reason for one to stay in an abusive relationship, as it appears from news stories that those situations only get worse.

A seperation from your abusive husband is highly recommended. It may cause him to reconsider his actions and seek help.

Physical abuse is a criminal offense. Having the abuser arrested is another, and sometimes the best, route to take. It is referred to as "tough love." Sitting in a jail cell for even a short period of time has done wonders for many of those who's actions were illegal.

Continue to pray for his conversion.

I am going to copy a portions from the commentary of "1 Corinthians", by Pastor C.R.Stam, pertaing to:

MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE: I Cor. 7:10-16.

 "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband.

"But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

"But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: if any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

"For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

"But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

"For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband: or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?"

I COMMAND, YET NOT I, BUT THE LORD: It is strange that some teachers of the Word use Paul's phrases: “I have received of the Lord" (I Cor. 11:23; 15:3), and, "this we say unto you by the word of the Lord" (I Thes. 4:15), to emphasize his revelation ministry. But here in I Cor. 7:10 they apply similar phraseology to what our Lord commanded while on earth. A careful examination of the apostle's words reveals that this is not his meaning. Rather he speaks here as an apostle: “I command, yet not I, but the Lord." And where the opposite is the case he does not say, "I find nothing in Scripture," but “I have no commandment from the Lord" (Ver. 25).

Here in Vers. 10,11 then, we have a commandment from the Lord Himself. The wife is not to "depart" from her husband, and the husband is not to "put away" his wife.

“But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."

But why is this special imposition to "remain unmarried," applied to the wife alone and not to the husband? The answer is that it is also applied to the husband, for the closing words of Ver. 11 indicate that the whole command applies to the husband as well as to the wife. Also perhaps wives more than husbands are apt to find married life almost unbearable. Thus the apostle, realizing that there may be great pressures upon the wife to "depart from her husband," declares that if she does not have the grace to obey this command she is to "remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband" (assuming he is still unmarried, of course). Thus the believer who toys with the idea of divorcing his (or her) mate, had better think it over carefully and prayerfully a thousand times. When did our Lord on earth ever add such an imposition as the above to His declarations as to divorce? This is a command from the glorified Lord through Paul.

(SNIP)

THE MIXED MARRIAGE: I Cor. 7:12-16:

Note carefully the words "sanctified" and "holy" in Ver. 14. Both come from the same Greek root hagiazo, "to set apart as sacred." Thus the believing spouse in a mixed marriage (where one believes and the other does not) performs a very important role in the home, for the believer sets the household apart as one where Christ is known.  Whether the husband or the wife is the Christian, the house will be set apart and known by others as one where Christ is loved and worshipped. Even the children are thus "sanctified," and "holy," set apart by the presence of a believing father or mother. Blessed is the child who has had at least one sincere Christian for a parent. Doubly blessed are those whose parents both know Christ and seek to bring their children up to know Him.

Thus the believer should not seek a divorce from his unbelieving mate. But what if the unbeliever, perhaps hating the things of God that constantly confront him, insists on a divorce from his wife? In that case, says the apostle, do not contest the divorce but "let him depart," adding "A brother or a sister is not underbondage, in such cases; but God hath called us to peace" (Ver. 15).

As to the believer's effort to keep even his mixed marriage intact, the apostle asks, "How do you know whether God might use you for the salvation of your mate?" In his long ministry for the Lord the author has known many such cases - where a heartbroken wife, for example, witnessed and prayed for her husband to be saved, all seemingly in vain, until he too came to know the Lord! Such marriages are generally blessed beyond measure after that. Yet, God knows better than we how "circumstances alter cases," and graciously leaves the above as an exhortation from one who has given his all for Christ, rather than as a direct command which might prove "too heavy to bear." (end of copy)

I will pray that you husband will find Christ and that you marriage will be healed.

God Bless.
Live Well,  Laugh Often,  Love the Lord!

Thank you, BigD, for a sincere and thoughtful post.

At the time we are doing workbooks about communication and marraige helps and have set up counseling. things seem to be going okay but prayers are still needed and welcome. thank you all for your concern and your prayers.

Hey.. I cried when reading this. I have been where you are twice. The first time..i had no children involved.  The 2nd time.. 2 children..Very young with me. If you would like to talk one on one..My msn is Cherokeldy@hotmail.com
AOL email me at Cherokeldylvsbrk@aol.com   I will have to add you to my prefs.  I know the fear, the pain etc.  I will be glad to talk to you.  You will also be in my prayers.  Sometimes its just good to talk to someone that has been there.