ChristiansUnite Forums

Just curious as to what type of rules other families have regarding the internet.
Are there different rules for parents and children?
My 11 yo daughter is the only child at home right now and she thinks we are not fair to her with the rules for the internet.

Our rules are that we can be online anytime that it won't interfere with God, church, family, real life friends, work/school, chores, etc. We have access to all e-mails, instant messages, etc. that anyone gets.

She can be online one hour a day as long as it doesn't interfere with any of the above and one parent is home.
She was told that when school started she would still have those same rights as long as she keeps the same priorities that we have outlined.
We go over the rules and the dangers of the internet and why her mom or dad must be here at least once a week.

The other day she went online when her dad and I weren't home.
Her dad called her and the internet answering machine came on.
He thought I was home, so he just called me on my cell. I was at work.
He called home again and she said that she just forgot to turn the internet off when I left.
He called me back and I told him that wasn't true because I shut down the internet and rebooted the computer before I left for work.
He checked the history log and found that she had been at her favorite Christian teen chat room for about 2 hours and that she had done that many times when neither of us had been home.

This was her second offense.
The first time she didn't try to cover up (because I walked in on her) and she was grounded for a week from the computer.
She is grounded from the internet until October 1 (except for school work with one of us looking over her shoulder) and after that she gets 4 hours a week.
Also, she has to write an essay about the dangers of lying. (That comes me being a former homeschool mom.)
There is now a password set on the computer so she can't think of going online when no one is around.

Have we been too strict?
What would you have done in that situation?
What are the rules for your family?

Dear His_child, ;D

I use these at Kristi Ann's Haven below;


Online Safety Tips   

   

• 1. Keep your personal information private including your name, phone number, address, passwords and social security or credit card numbers.
• 2. Turn off the computer if you feel uncomfortable with what you are seeing on the screen.
• 3. Never agree to let children meet someone in person who they have met online.
• 4. Don't share photos of yourself with strangers.
• 5. Keep the computer your child uses in a central location.
• 6. Join children as they surf the Internet.
• 7. Install anti-virus software on your computer.
• 8. Remember, not everyone on the Web is who they say they are.

[/b]



"Stay Safe Online" (http://www.staysafeonline.info/)



"Get Wise.org" (http://www.getnetwise.org/)



"FBI Internet Safety" (http://www.fbi.gov/publications/pguide/pguide.htm)



(http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/images/netsmartz_2.gif) (http://www.netsmartz.org/)
"Nets Smartz.org" (http://www.netsmartz.org/)



(http://www.safekids.com/images/sklogosmall.gif) (http://www.safekids.com/)
"Safe Kids.com (http://www.safekids.com/)


Blessings Sister!! Love ya \o/

KristiAnn

Thanx Kristi-

We've gone over those things time and time again, but it is always good to have a reminder.

BTW- if you see this thread on BaptistBoard- don't worry, you're not seeing double.  ;)
I'm a member there also.
I'm not a Baptist, but they let me post there anyway.

You're Welcome His_child!  ;D

LOL, I have been on the BaptistBoard (http://www.baptistboard.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi) since March 2004 as KristiAnn, I changed my Screen Name to MsGuidedAngel there earlier this month.  I didn't know you were a member there Sis! WOW small world. I thought the BaptistBoard made sure we are all Baptists, I don't remember now, LOL.

BTW ~ did you get my PM?!

I never had children so, I cannot recommend to much at all.  I know there is The Internet Content Rating Association (ICRA) (http://www.icra.org/about/). I use them at Kristi Ann's Haven.  There is also The Children's Internet Protection Act (CIPA) (http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/consumerfacts/cipa.html).  If there is anything else I can help you, Please Do let me know, okay sweetie!!

Love Sis,  \o/

MsGuidedAngel
AKA
KristiAnn

Uhh..... You leave an 11-year old home alone?  :-X

Have we been too strict?
I don't think so. The Internet is a luxury that can be allowed, not a necessity that is owed.

What are the rules for your family?
We don't have any set rules.  :-\
My video game kids only use the internet to look up cheat codes. And only when they ask first.  ;)
I have one child who loves the Internet and uses it for research but only when a parent is home. Same for e-mails, etc. Permission is given if assignments are complete and if it's not a time when my husband may need to reach me. However, she is always welcome to get up early and get online!  ;D
Otherwise, the computer is used for homeschool and they are almost always given permission to use the computer offline for educational games, writing, lists, etc.
They are NOT allowed online if an adult is not present. The exclusion to that was when I was working part-time and was online at work. My internet junkie was allowed into Christian chat rooms from home when I could be lurking in the same one at work. When I needed to use the computer for my job, I'd *whisper* to her that she had to get off.

The lying would be my biggest concern!  :-X Then again, deceit is a pet peeve of mine! Probably the biggest pet peeve I have and mine are well aware of it!  :-X If one even sounds like they are heading in a less than completely truthful direction, the rest will sound out a collective "OOOOOOOH"!:-X

What would you have done in that situation?
I honestly don't have a pat answer! In my case, it would depend on the child.... the age, the rationale, etc. Being 'straight up' (honest) about it almost always would get a lighter 'sentence' than if they had lied.  :-\ And a repeat occurrence would almost guarantee a harsher 'sentence'.

Are there different rules for parents and children?
Yup. Near as I can recall, in pretty much every area.

My 11 yo daughter is the only child at home right now and she thinks we are not fair to her with the rules for the internet.
Mine have given up on the 'not fair' discussion some time ago. Cause I always figured it wasn't fair that those who don't pay to think they have the same rights as those who do.  ;)

Seriously, we have had the 'fair' issue come up. And we have pretty much laid that one to rest by 'lengthy' discussions. *Who bought the computer? *Who pays for internet? *Who's responsible for raising the kids? If your daughter can't put her own name as the answer to any of the questions, then it's a moot point!  ;)

I know I was no help and I apologize for that! But I do want you to know that I agree with how you're dealing with it! So I hope that moral support counts cause I do support your morals!  ;D

Yup, she was alone from 1-3:30 every afternoon.
Now that she's in school, we don't have that problem. She's just alone from 3:15-3:30.

Thanks for the support and advice.

Sorry! I apologize! I had a picture of her staying home all day! I am sorry! :-X

Now fifteen minutes isn't too bad!  ;)

Just remember my mantra:
You can't kill 'em! You can't kill 'em! You can't kill 'em!  ;D



Or as my mother was fond of telling us:
They can kill you, but they can't eat you. It's against the pure food laws!  :-X

Suuuuuure ya can!  I like the Bill Cosby mantra better.  Went something like, "I can kill you and make another one looks just like ya."   ;D  heheheee

We had the exact same problem.  And made the exact same solution  ;D  Password that only mom and dad knows.   I think this is extremely fair.   I would not allow my children to go wondering around in any public place without supervision.  I think the internet could likely be just as dangerous, and maybe more due false sense of security one gets by being in their own home.   I mean, everyone under the sun is out there including people you wouldn't want to have contact with your kids.

America IS online!....lol

Making a password that the kids don't know removes any temptations, and also insures that either mom or dad is around when they are surfing.   Theres just too many hazards kids can get into on the net.

We have an even better system.  A password that only mom knows.   :)  That and a computer that doesn't stay online for more than 5 minutes at a time anyway... ::)  She needs a new one!  So she can do her job and I can play the AoK!!!  ;D

I hope I can shed some light on internet rules here for anyone.  I used to work for a free shard of Ultima Online.  Now as I got to know many of the kids here I was shocked and appalled of what goes on when the parents backs were turned.

Kids would stay up past midnight to play on this Game.  For anyone that doesnt know this game, I will explain the concept.  First..I am NO LONGER with this game. God convicted me and I left long ago.  You create a toon.. you choose the hair and skin color.  NOw you have all kinds of skills to build.  Archery..blacksmithing etc.  You have to work endless mouse clicking hours to get your toon powerful.  You click so much that for many kids, it becomes a reality. You can build a house from the ground up. The more powerful the more arrogent the kids become.  

There was this 10 year old on this game..devout Christain parents.  But.......His language was appalling. I was shocked to see what came out of their mouths.  I had to report a 50 year old woman carrying on a love affair with a 16 year old boy.  He was planning on marrying her.  His parents of course..knew nothing about it. I also had no success in getting his parents email information.  I was going to report it to them as well had I found it.  

I sat and watched this for years, thinking I was making a difference in these kids lives.  Some of the kids say that I did make a difference. I would get on to them if they logged in from school to the MSN messenger. I stayed on them about their homework.  But the day came when I could no longer do it.  
My children will Never touch the internet unless I am there watching.  We always hope and pray and never think it will happen to us. The sad fact it can. It Will.  So many preditors out there.. they are rampant on the internet.  Maybe when my kids get 16 I will allow them on under supervision. Much like dating. I never had a date till I was 16.  That was the rules and I accepted it.

Anyways.. thats just my outlook on it.  I have seen so many children waste their years of youth in front of a computer screen when they should have been outside creating memories that would last them a life time.  

Amen!  :)

Not sure where to put this, so I'm puttin' it here! Probably only good for the younger kids!

(http://www.komando.com/images/kimskidscontract.gif)

Thank you, sincereheart.  

I definitely agree with with the principle of the thing; I'm not so sure about the execution part of it - that is, having the kids sign it - like a contract, between parents and child?

Hmm.  Have to think about that one.

" Now all these things happened unto them for examples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.  Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."[/i]

1 Corinthians 10:11-13

There comes a time when love over-rules trust.  I trust my daughters, but I won't leave a loaded handgun in their presence.   :)

Oklahoma Howdy to All,

My children are grown, and my grandchildren are too young to worry about yet.

I would simply say that the devil is very clever, much too clever to trust with our children. For that reason alone, I believe in adult supervision when children use the Internet.

There are all kinds of things that parents can do these days with computers to make them safe for children to use. However, nothing replaces adult supervision. One can use the net nanny type programs that are fairly good. I use a child safe URL blocker on my own computer, and I don't have any children using this computer. It's only fairly good also. I don't want to see any of the x-rated advertisements in pop-ups or email.

Some parents make a web portal specifically for their children, and nothing else will work. I made a web portal for my own use, and I think it would work quite well. However, I didn't set it up to block all URL's not listed on the portal. It's like a menu done in HTML. I think that it would be pretty easy to allow only the URLs on the portal. It's also fairly easy to add URLs to the portal if the parent wishes to add more choices.

Just bluntly, I really don't like the idea of leaving children alone with the devil. If he's smart enough to make me stumble from time to time, he's certainly smart enough to hurt children. YES! - I would have the views of an old square. I gladly accept the title of an old, boring square.

Love In Christ,
Tom

I'm guessing that the whole 'contract' idea is just to give kids an idea of the seriousness of the information. And signing it would maybe be a way to make an impression?  :-\

But even without signing anything; just having parents sit down and discuss it with their kids should have an impact.

Oh definitely at least the discussion.

Somehow, having kids sign a contract with me sounds mercenary - like it's setting a precedent for the kids that when things are really serious this is how we have to arrange for 'eventualities'.

Relations between parent and child are certainly one of authority, no doubt.  

But also one of love.

Is the essence of the relationship, though, between parent and child, one of love, or one of authority?

Are there other circumstances underwhich you would have a literal contract with a child?

Maybe with a car, for a teenager - either a car they are going to have, or if they are going to 'borrow' a parents car.  Maybe then you could have a literal, written contract - and 'signed' by both.

But even then, still, since when does a parent's authority have to be signed for, with a child.

No, something, to my mind, is wrong with this picture.  

Hmm.  I could be very wrong.  Have to think about this one.  

Yes, it is a serious issue.

But I can't think of any other instance where a parent/child relationship is signed for in ink.

And noticably, it's all becuase of a contraption, or an invention, or the introduction of an alien presence(the 'Net), into the family politic.  

Hm.  There's something wrong with this picture.

I must repeat


(http://www.sirinet.net/~blkidps/blgif1.gif)

I do think it is way too strict. No offense but believe me, kids these days couldnt give a gotcha2 about what they do on the net. They go off with strange men. It's their own fault, they know what they are doing. They aint so innocent, people have to realise that.
I do agree with rules for youngsters, but keep shielding them and telling them what to do all the time is going to make kids more avoidant and they'll start to tell lies...