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Sometimes I feel like my Christian life has been a roller coaster ride.  I got saved when I was 14... and backslid... and rededicated when I was 17.  Since then, it has been, like I said, one big ride.

No, I haven't always done what the Lord would have me to do.. and I regret it.. but no one is perfect, right?  

In the past 5 years, my life has changed so much.  I got married and I now have 2 PRECIOUS little angel girls.  They are so wonderful - truly gifts from God.  But anyway...

Ever since I had the girls, I feel like my faith has increased 10 fold.  I can see His power and mercy in them every day.  Why do I deserve anything God has for me?  Why should he save my soul?  Why should He give me these 2 wonderfully, healthy children?  I have no clue.

I guess those are my big questions - those are the things that I just can't let go of.  There is no question in my mind that I am saved.  I know the Lord saved me... that's a fact.  I know I love Him so much and the thought of everything He has done, is presently doing, and will do for me in the future is spine-chilling to me.  I just can't get it out of my head that I'm unworthy.

I want so much to have a closer walk with God... and I am trying.  I feel like life is so hectic (and I don't want that to be an excuse).  I know that Jesus didn't make excuses when He died for me...   I would love for everyone to pray for me that I will grow closer to God - BE ON FIRE!!!!!  I want to  be so on fire that I can't stand to stay away from the Lord's house or his people.

I have been reading my Bible whenever I get a chance and when I'm not so absent-minded that I forget and it always helps.  I just want to remember it more and make more time for it.  I feel like I let the Lord down so much in my life... missing services here and there.... screaming at my children/husband.... just one thing after another.  I don't want to do those things.  

One of the biggest questions in my life right now is about the Lord's will for my life... what He would have me do for him.  I LOVE to sing, and I have a considerably good voice.  I absolutely love the chance to get up and sing at church but then I feel really weird when people tell me they enjoyed it.  I feel like that's a sin.  Am I just being weird?  I mean.... I sing because I want to work for the Lord and do something for him but then I feel like I shouldn't be "enjoyed."  I don't know.. it's weird.  Is this normal?  Am I abnormal???

I just love to sing so much.... and I want to sing for the Lord.  A lady at my church even said that it was like angels were helping me sing.  That made me feel weird because sometimes I feel so shaky and scared when I'm there.  Is this the devil making me feel this way?  

And one more thing....  Like I said, I know I'm saved.... but when people start talking about Jesus's return, I have mixed feelings.  It's not that I'm scared of Jesus... I just can't imagine what that will be like.  I feel so unworthy (how can I get rid of this feeling?) and I can't imagine that Jesus would ever see anything good in me. I never want to hear "Depart from me....."  That is a scary thought.  I just have such a wonderful life... I want to grow old with my beautiful children and wonderful husband and have a great life.  I love Jesus so much and the thought of being able to see him and tell him that I love him is a wonderfully, overwheming (and scary) thought.  What would "I" say to the Master, the King???  I just want him to know how much he means to me.  He's done so much for me in my life and given me so much to live for when I feel like I haven't done anything for him.  Will he give me a big hug and tell me that he loves me?  I'm sure He will but I just can't fathom it.  Does anyone else have these mixed feelings about the Lord's return?  Please share.

Anyway... sorry for all the questions.  Please give me any advice you can.  I do want so much to always be found doing the Lord's will and I never want to have sin in my life.  Please help me to know if I'm the only one who feels alone sometimes.

Dear Coolmommy,

The greatest ministry you can have on this earth is one to your family. God has entrusted you with two beautiful gifts (and hopefully more) to train up in His ways. He has given you a husband for you to love, and serve as a helper (helpmeet). When the family works as a team ( in showing what a true Christian family is) you show the world by your example what it is to serve the Lord.

I know a family with eleven children....they aren't rich in monetary things....but rich in love and in giving. They give of themselves to each other, and the people around them. They bless others around them; just by the love they show for each other.

The world (and the church) will make a woman feel like she must either have a job outside of the home, or a "ministry" in order to feel "complete". Although, outside ministry is a good thing.....many negelct their duties at home for Ministry work.

In regards to the Lord's return........He is coming back for a bride that is spotless. It scares me too, to stand before Him.....He is Holy! But He wants us to be holy too! We are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, stay in the Word, and seek His face. Our walk is day by day. There is also the Holy Spirit who convicts us of sin. Repentance is not a "one shot deal". We should continually be repenting of sin....if we don't, our hearts become hard....and we stop hearing that small still voice.

I hope you are getting fed the pure word of God in your Church. That you leave each Sunday knowing that you have been in the presence of God.

If the Lord wants you to glorify Him with singing in public....He will make a way.

Stay close to Jesus,

Psalm 119

Hey! I'm pretty young, but I'm going to try to answer some questions here...

First of all, once you are saved, TRULY saved, you are for eternity.  The rollercoaster ride you feel in your walk is natural, emotions change and fluctuate and stuff, but your faith doesn't change.  The greatest comfort for you during highs and lows is knowing that God's love for you is the one constant you can depend on.  That never changes!

And secondly, we don't deserve any of the wonderful things that God has done for us! That is where God's GRACE comes into play; grace is giving us what we don't deserve.  We don't deserve to spend eternity in paradise with Him, but we can because of God's GRACE.  We are saved by GRACE through faith! And the smaller gifts that God gives us in this world are the same; we don't deserve them, but because of God's infinate grace and love, we get them.  It is entirely impractical for God to send His son to die for us while we were still in our sins, it is totally impractical for Him to do what He does for us; but because He loves you so very, very much, that is why we are blessed with such incredible things in our lives.  It is by God's love and grace that we receive our blessings, not by our own actions.

Coolmommy, this was great to read because this fire is something that is so rare in the church.

First of all, none of us are worthy of salvation. That's the truth, and this may very be the catalyst for your desire to serve the Lord. Remember it was the publican not the Pharisee that got saved in Jesus' parablle. Read Luke 18:10-14 for a encouragement and refreshment.
 Regarding the fire, this is great. Feed it, read, sing, do whatever, and remember the devil will see you as a threat. We all know he tries to get us to sin, and that's one part of spiritual warfare, but what most people forget is that devil is also an accuser of the brethren. That is his name, in fact; satan means accuser. So he will try to dampen your fire and wear out your enthusiansm by accusing you at every turn. Now he wants to accuse you of pride by making you feel you cannot enjoy the encouragement others give you. Since you've already said you feel unworthy, you are not a prideful person. As long as you remember Who you're singing for and Who gave you the talent, why not enjoy the encouragement? Sometimes you'll need to know that you're making a difference for the Lord and that people are being edified by your talents. Enjoy it. Just might want to keep an eye out, because if the devil can't wear you out by falsely accusing you, finding ways to induce sin will be his next step.   ;)

Blessings to you!

I absolutely love the chance to get up and sing at church but then I feel really weird when people tell me they enjoyed it.  I feel like that's a sin.  Am I just being weird?  I mean.... I sing because I want to work for the Lord and do something for him but then I feel like I shouldn't be "enjoyed."  I don't know.. it's weird.  Is this normal?  Am I abnormal???

I don't think that's weird at all.  I remember on fellow in church singing solos--likable chap, good singer, enjoyable.  He soon quit.  Never knew why, 'cept I guess for the reasons you cite.  He possibly felt contradictions.

I think the contradiction is in doing it for exhortation, vs. doing it for self-promotion.  To me, it's a very fine line.  I think that's what every "performer" is faced with.  Some handle better than others.

When you do it "gracefully", I think that is the question.  If you are a "natural" at it already, probably much of the battle is already won.  We all have different gifts.  I think that is scriptural.  

There are master performers, and I think some Christian ones.  I think the "fine line" is out there, and I think some "find it", through HIs Spirit.

Really, like anything else in life, where there is "success", and especially, even "easy" success, we must still be on our knees in humility before God...

In Jesus' Name...