ChristiansUnite Forums

Hello, I joined this forum tonight after spending hours searching for an answer to a question that I have.  I hope this isn't too long...I have been married for 3 years to a wonderful man.  Our relationship is great and we are both christians.  However, we do have one major disagreement that always leaves me in tears:  I am ready to start having children and he isn't.  We have had several long conversations about this and he says he can't explain exactly why he doesn't want children yet, but he just doesn't.  Please help me!!!  I can't figure out why he isn't ready (we are financially stable and both have good jobs).  Thank you so much for letting me join here.  I welcome anyone's opinion on this matter.

Wow. That is a difficult situation. It's heartbreaking, I know. It could be that he doesn't feel confident in some area. Maybe he's not sure he knows how to handle fatherhood, or maybe he wants you to stop working once you do have a child and that will mean more expenses and half the income. It could be that he has old dreams, maybe of traveling or some other thing that will be a lot harder once the kids come, and he's afraid that having kids will mean the end of all those things. You might want to bring up casually, not in the context of the other discussion, what his secret dreams are. Maybe he's always wanted to explore the Arctic, or just go boating every weekend. Even if he says he wants to go skydiving, do what you can to make his dreams possible and when he's had a chance at it, maybe he'll feel ready for kids. Maybe hang out with couples who have kids, and if his dream is relatively tame, take your friends and their kids along to show him it doesn't have to be the end. Then he'll feel like there are other people who've been through it, too, as long as your friends don't pressure him to have kids. That'll just make him dig his heals in deeper. Blessings to you, and you'll be in my prayers.

Hello again, I hope I am doing this right...I am trying to post a reply to Whitehorse.  Thank you for your insight!  He has mentioned wanting to go to Hawaii for our vacation this year and I thought that was crazy because we've always tried to spend as little as possible on fun stuff.  However, it may be that he wants to do some things that he doesn't think we'll get to do as parents.  I didn't think about that at all, but it does make sense.  Thank you so much!  

Good, I'm so glad. I hope you get to take that vacation; it sounds wonderful! I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hi Peaches....and welcome to the forum!

This may sound so old....but the best thing you can do is pray and ask God to guide you and your husband. God knows your desires....but he is the only ONE who can really help your husband. This must be very frustrating for you. But every thing has a time. And if you and your husband are to have children....God will provide!

Again...Welcome and hope to get to know you better sister!

Hi Peaches,

I know how it feels to want to have a baby and not be able to. Only in my situation it wasn't my husband discission. It was Gods. I waited 16 years for God to bless me with a child.

My humble suggestion is that you ask God to help you to be more in tune with His will, that what ever happens you know that God is in control and wants what is best for you and your husbans. Surely your husband is seeking Gods will with this issue too, isn't he?

You might not like this idea but think about it...it will be easier on you if it is Gods will that you have no children and you are at peace with it and not in consant inner pain and turmoil. And it will be easier on your marriage, with out this constant tension and struggle between you.

Hope this helps,

Naomi,
http://flowerpower.younglivingworld.com

Peaches-

I think we can all relate to times we want things and our spouses dont agree, or are not ready. Why dont you and your husband commit to prayer about it? What does God want for you both? Sometimes our needs are clouded by what we want.  A baby is surely a blessing, but it also brings much with it that isnt so "wonderful".  There is stress from lack of sleep, increased financial needs, shifting of priorities to involve the infant (many times coming before our own needs), limits on freedoms enjoyed previously, and I could go on.

Of course, most of us hands down would say that those stressors are very much worth the joy of having a new life and nurturing this infant into a wonderful person. I could compile a list of blessings just as long, if not longer.  

However, I believe there are times in our lives when a baby can complete it or complicate it.  We, as humans also can be fearful of the unknown. Sometimes what we envision in our heads is not what plays out in reality at all.  

The important thing is that when making such decisions, you both be on the same page so to speak. If my husband is uneasy about something, we wait and pray it out. The same goes for him when I am uneasy about a decision. But when we pray about it, then God changes hearts, situations, allays fears, speaks in many ways.  Dont lose heart. God wants only what is the very best for His children.  

Peaches,

You need to first pray that God will change his heart.....

Ask your husband if he would like to do a Bible study regarding children. Do a word study on children,blessing, cursing. (Actually, children are considered a blessing, barreness is a curse.)

I saw this quote from Doug Phillips and I'll pass it along....

"The Bible calls debt a curse, and children a blessing. But in our culture we apply for a curse, and reject blessings. Something is wrong with this picture"

Our society is hedonistic....we want what we want. All these things have no eternal value. Children are eternal though!

A good book to read is "A Full Quiver" by Rick and Jan Hess.

I do hope you are not taking the "Birth Control" pill.....it does cause early abortions.

May the Lord turn your husbands heart to Him, and grant the desires of your heart.

Love,
Psalm 119

Peaches,
   I know it is hard when we are denied something we want so badly but there has to be a reason your hubby doesn't want children at this time.
   Maybe praying about this situation and having a heart to heart talk, seeking Gods' wisdom on this matter is the thing to do....
   Having a child  even when the spouse doesn't want children can be a disaster... the spouse will never be able to trust you again and the child will pay the price for being an 'unwanted' child....
   Trust that God knows what He is doing and that if and when the time is right for you, you will have that baby!!In God's time, not in ours..... the child will be truly welcomed and wanted and the parents will be truely blessed!
  Good luck and I'll be praying for you,
  Joy ;D ;D

Rain
Blazing, Cloudy Rain
Falling through my hair
Sitting all alone
It reaches my mined
The joyous I felt
Having you as my angel
Tears slowly drops to the ground
Cleaning the cell
Which I long fears inside
Love thou lovers we are
Far from this world
Yet our hearts and thoughts
Is sweeter than honey
Closer than friendship's
Rain falling, thou reach to an end
Thou love thee treasured
Whisper of wind ring though my ears
Crowded and Silent, Ant's as I am
Find my own shelter with this morning rain

 ;D ;D ;D
Can I post my poetry?

Hi, You know my friend wanted a baby badly herself. It took her 8 years before she was able to have her son. So maybe just talking it over with God and in his timing you will have a baby. Just my view anyway.



Whatever u do, keep God in charge and dont give up on him.





http://www.geocities.com/bookofmicah

Hi Peaches!
I agree with Micah.  Hang in there!  You'll have your baby.

Love..Tamara

Hello Peaches...
I've read all the posts & I know you will be edified by them all.  I have a question which may seem harsh - did you discuss having children with your husband prior to marriage?

I'm sure it's just a case of your husband wanting to live as a couple first before children enter the picture.  A couple needs time together first and rarely are they "in tune" with a  serious decision like adding children.  I know in my case my husband was not really "ready" when I proposed it to him.  Now 25 yrs later - it all worked out.  I have 2 grown daughters and a 4-yr old granddaughter.

Heavenly Father - please give Peaches comfort & peace in her turmoil.  Bring to mind the scriptures she needs that will give her that peace and patience.  In Jesus Christ's Name, Amen.

Yours in Christ, sissy_momof2

I stand in accord with Sissy's prayer Father. In the Name of Jesus. Amen.

I found this poem this a.m.  Hope you like it  :)

A two minute read

As I was walking down life's highway many years ago
I came upon a sign that read Heavens Grocery Store.
When I got a little closer the doors swung open wide
And when I came to myself I was standing inside.
I saw a host of angels.
They were standing everywhere
One handed me a basket and said "My child shop with care."
Everything a human needed was in that grocery store
And what you could not carry you could come back for more.
First I got some Patience.
Love was in that same row.
Further down was Understanding, you need that everywhere you go.
I got a box or two of Wisdom and Faith a bag or two.
And Charity of course I would need some of that too.
I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost. It was all over the place.
And then some Strength and Courage to help me run this race.
My basket was getting full but I remembered I needed Grace,
And then I chose Salvation for Salvation was for free
I tried to get enough of that to do for you and me.
Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill,
For I thought I had everything to do the Masters will.
As I went up the aisle I saw Prayer and put that in,
For I knew when I stepped outside I would run into sin.
Peace and Joy were plentiful, the last things on the shelf.
Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself.
Then I said to the angel "Now how much do I owe?"
He smiled and said, "Just take them everywhere you go."
Again I asked, "Really now, How much do I owe?"
"My child" he, "God paid your bill a long long time ago."

This poem has been sent to you with love.
Yours in Christ, sissy_momof2

Sissy! That is beautiful! Thankyou so much for sharing it with us!

Love..Tamara

 :) You are very welcome, my 2nd cousin sent it to me & I just had to share it.  Sissy

You are a lovely person Sissy.  Praise God for you.

Love Tamara.

So its wrong for a man not to want kids now? Pssht, I'd rather not have kids.