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Who me...difficult? no way!
Pluuuuuuease folks...no tomatoes! (http://www.jimlynch.com/images/tomato.gif)

How To Get Along With Difficult People

What makes someone difficult? Basically, they are needy. They have "issues" that haven't been resolved. They are emotionally immature. They want to have their own way, and pout if they don't get it. Some men are difficult because their oyster didn't have a pearl; others are difficult because they got the pearl and want a better one. They find it difficult to accept their lot. They are unhappy because they are selfish.

These men didn't learn the lessons offered in kindergarten-share your toys, play well with other children, and only talk when it's your turn. We all have to deal with difficult people, and some of us are the ones who are difficult. The Bible is not silent about this. In fact, the Bible is vocal about relationships. A huge amount of the Bible focuses on horizontal Christianity-loving and getting along with people...even difficult ones. The Bible gives us principles of engagement and forgiveness.

PRINCIPLES OF ENGAGEMENT

The main problem in getting along with people is that they are so human and quirky. No doubt Paul had our human frailty in mind when he said, "Make allowance for each other's faults" (Colossians 3:13, NLT).

So, the first principle of engagement is: "make allowance for each other's faults." Expect people to let you down from time to time. Don't expect a difficult person to suddenly grow up.

I find myself always coming back to these two Scriptures...

"He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends" (Proverbs 17:9).
"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" (Proverbs 19:11).

If someone rubs you the wrong way, you have to decide to hit back or let it go. The Bible is clear that human relations work best when we overlook each other's human (not moral) faults, don't repeat matters best kept confidential, and even overlook it when we are wronged.

Which brings us to the second principle of engagement: "let the little ones go." This is living above the floodplain. It's high ground, and terrific if you let the Holy Spirit lead you there, which is hard when a difficult person is dragging you down.

The opposite of letting little ones go is escalating offenses out of proportion. When a difficult person is being difficult, don't try to match blow for blow, or the "situation" will soon be out of control.

Men, can I be brutal? We are pros at making mountains out of molehills. We pick, pick, pick at our wives over peccadilloes when we are really raging against unspoken issues. One man went ballistic because his wife used a plastic sandwich bag that he had laid out for himself. What was that about? She was so mad she went to work without her wedding ring.

"Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out" (Proverbs 17:14).

So the third principle of engagement is: "don't escalate small offenses." If you are not practicing these first three principles of engagement, you may be difficult to be around. Don't let it get the best of you. The Bible says, "A man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD" (Proverbs 19:3). It's not fair to blame God because we're acting like a jerk.

How can you find out if you're difficult? Through self-examination, of course, but also by inviting honest dialog with your loved ones.

The fourth principle is: "foster honest, two-way communication."

The secret of functional families is honest communication, especially in conflict resolution. This is the key underlying it all. If a family doesn't get this right, all kinds of dysfunctional patterns begin to develop. The less honest, the more difficult. The more difficult, the deeper the dysfunction.

PRINCIPLES OF FORGIVENESS

In the 1940s Tom drove his brother, John, and John's pregnant wife to the hospital because it was time for the baby to come. One the way, Tom had a small fender bender. John said, "I'll pay to have that fixed." For whatever reason, he didn't. For the next 20 years the two brothers didn't speak.

Tom's son, Doug, recently told me, "To this day I have never met my cousins and I don't even know their names."

The first principle of forgiveness is: "Are you sure you have counted the cost of withholding forgiveness?"

Sometimes grievances are sticking points. Brent's mother stomped out of his house, cutting short a Christmas visit. She vilified Brent's wife, calling her a terrible mother. Brent couldn't let this go-it wasn't a little one. He kept demanding that his mother apologize. She won't. She's old, crotchety, and has always been a grump.

Frankly, an apology is never going to happen. Brent had to make a decision. He could forgive unconditionally or make the apology a requirement. His mother is difficult, but the bitterness he felt toward her was eating him alive.

Then, Brent discovered the second principle of forgiveness: "we must forgive others without regard to whether or not they are sorry."

Jesus said, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mark 11:25).

Notice in this verse that we are told to forgive without regard to whether or not they are sorry. Wow!

Bottom line: We can't control the other person's response, but we can obey Scripture. And what happens if we won't forgive?

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15).

The third principle of forgiveness is: "to experience God's forgiveness we must first forgive." No matter how difficult a person is, we forgive them not only for their sake, but for our sake as well.

We forgive. God vindicates. "Do not say, 'I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you" (Proverbs 20:22).

Horizontal Christianity is, for some, more difficult than Vertical Christianity because they are stuck in difficult relationships. You don't need to be a victim, but neither should you reduce yourself to the level of a difficult person. As Christians, concentrate on how to engage and forgive the way our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would engage and forgive...

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity" (Colossians 3:12-14).

You can't kill them with words, but maybe you can kill them with kindness.
http://www.maninthemirror.org/alm/alm96.htm

Strongbad already handle this one:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail37.html (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail37.html)

tibby tibby tibby you dont always need to obey the voices in your head you know  (http://www.jimlynch.com/images/icon_crazy.gif)

Watch it, women. I ain't scared to hit women, even ones as cute as you :P ;D ;D

lol j/k

Shylynne, thank you for that! Helped me out too! I have a storage business & deal with difficult people all the time. I found out when it comes to people's belongings & owing $$$$, you are going to hear it & deal with it! Ive had people scream in my face and jump up & down and it seems no matter how I try to do the "kill'em with kindess', it doesn't work which leaves me with just wanting to do the "kill'em" part. Your post was a real eye opener for such people like this.  :)
~NateyCakes

I think I read a Goosebumps book about that once...

Thanks for the great article, Shylynne!  :-*

YOU? Oh yeah...I forgot, you're a phlebotomist...

"One who gives lobotomies to phleas."
(From JudgeNot's Very Abridged Dictionary of Terms.)
 ;D

 Nateycakes and Willow  :D

I wont fuss if  theres a few tomatoes tossed tibby`s way  :P

"One who gives lobotomies to phleas."


 ;D

It is always about me, isn’t it Shylynne? ;D

Those are some good points, Shylynne.

tibby tibby tibby you dont always need to obey the voices in your head you know  

   Boy, now there you go.  Where DO those voices come from anyway?? :-X


"One who gives lobotomies to phleas."
(From JudgeNot's Very Abridged Dictionary of Terms.)


AHhh, so that's what those people at the blood bank REALLY do.

   ::)

I wont fuss if  theres a few tomatoes tossed tibby`s way  


Amen to that, sister.  And a few dope slaps thrown in for good measure.


NaughtyCakes, we've got to do something about your name.

   :-X

Shylynne, this was a fantastic article. Thanks for posting it. I do have one question, though. What does one do in the circumstance of endless provocation for the purpose of self-entertainment, and when you respond in love, the other person feels the liberty to do even worse.  ???

Well, yeah. You're a guy.  :P

What does one do in the circumstance of endless provocation for the purpose of self-entertainment, and when you respond in love, the other person feels the liberty to do even worse.  


    ;D ;D ;D


(http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/bugs1.gif)

Well, yeah. You're a guy.   :P

yeah what she said  :P

What does one do in the circumstance of endless provocation for the purpose of self-entertainment, and when you respond in love, the other person feels the liberty to do even worse.  ???

oh ...I know that one!

You`ll need a rubber mallet (wrapping an old sock around a regular hammer is NOT recommended ). (http://www.jimlynch.com/images/headache_125.gif)(http://www.jimlynch.com/images/icon_hammer.gif)
 This should help effectively get the point across without breaking anything! (that being the gentleness part)



I am striving for perfection (http://www.jimlynch.com/images/icon_smile_blush.gif)

:D

Shylynne, that sounds like a topper. I'll use that idea for the feisty family members! :D

LOL! It is a topper!

...sometimes the urge to bonk some peeps over the head ...well you know (http://www.jimlynch.com/images/knockout_125.gif)


feisty family members!

I uh...would`nt know a thang bout that (http://www.jimlynch.com/images/icon_smile_nono.gif)

...well unless...tigerlily counts...yep she definately counts...(http://www.jimlynch.com/images/ouch_125.gif)


I better be good...I KNOW she owns a rubber mallet (http://www.jimlynch.com/images/psst_125.gif)

We all have different background experiences. We all have different needs. We all perceive differently, learn differently, understand differently, grasp differently, feel acceptance differently, feel rejection differently, and find purpose differently. That is not "good" or "bad." It is just real. It may be just different, but it is absolutely real.

Reality demands God's people in God's kingdom be flexible, always learn, always grow toward God's purposes, and always spiritually mature in understanding God's priorities. People are different. That does not bother God, but it sure bothers us.
Our challenge: be as flexible as God is in meeting needs and encouraging us who are different.


~from REJOICING AND GROANING
http://www.westarkchurchofchrist.org/chadwell/artic123.htm