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I have 3 young uns. They love to push the limits (just like their Momma ;)). I have found diffrent forms work best on each kid. Time out is the least effective. Lecture works on my daughter, but not on my sons. Grounding works well on my oldest son, but not the youngest. Extra Chores works well for the older two, execpt I run out of chores to give them. Picking up pecans is very effective... lol. I save the spanking for very bad infractions. A swat across the bottom works the best for my youngest when a stern talking to doesn't work.

I am curious how others deal with the subject.

Also looking for scripture that deals with children.


Love in Christ,

Jim

Brother Coyote,
I had to vote 'other' because my child is now 17.  To bend her over my knee and give her the whipping she still sometimes deserves would accomplish nothing at this point.  

Now I have to resort to other means; "Groundings" that take away the keys to her pickup, take away her cell phone, take away her privileges to the internet for a month at a time.

(And I make her eat fish and turnip greens five nights in a row.)  ;D

But when she was younger than about 10 yeares old?  Yep - a good whippin' usually did the trick.  

Children remember spankings but quickly forget loss of TV or a computer for a night - probably because that isn't punishment but a blessing.  ;D

Don't be fooled by "liberal child rearing advice" from TV and magazines.  Those giving the advice usually don't believe in God and are often Lesbian know-it-alls who will never have kids but know how we are supposed to raise ours.  Hmmphpff!  It is God-haters who are against spankings.

Disclaimer:
The above opinion is just an opinion and as most opinions go should be taken as opinion only.  However the reader is advised that it is a STRONG opinion.
End of disclaimer. ;D

Yup Coyote,

Just like Gods kids are different so are our kids.

Don't be fooled by "liberal child rearing advice" from TV and magazines.  Those giving the advice usually don't believe in God and are often Lesbian know-it-alls who will never have kids but know how we are supposed to raise ours.  Hmmphpff!  It is God-haters who are against spankings.


We don't spank. And we do love the Lord. And neither my husband nor I are lesbians.  ;D

And you didn't have me as your kid!

wooahhhhhh!  :-X

Shall we  wander where angels fear to tread? LOL  

I suggest perfecting the LOOK, you know the one that says you wont make it to the ripe old age of freedom if you dont obey! ;D

...of course tho  LOOK is a female talent  :-\

Proverbs is the biblical model for child training.

"He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly." Prov. 13:24

That's pretty powerful stuff....he who spares the rod hates his son.

Our children are now grown, and spanking wasn't always the first course of action, but open defiance( i.e. yelling no!) and lying were two no no's.Our oldest was caught stealing and we had her write the eighth commandment (thou shall not steal) 100 times. Grounding and taking away priviledges were the methods used during the teen years.

It's really sad that many have adopted the Dr.Spock approach to child rearing, rather than using God's Word as the standard.

Psalm 119

You could always take the advice of Dr Rice, of Sword of the Lord publications..

he says, if you love your kids, beat them with a wide stick until they have bands of blue around their backs. and continue to do so until they have got married and left home. they're never too old to beat, and no infraction is too small for it.

He's put me off the whole idea. Ugh that man made me sick.

It sounds like Dr. Rice has exceeded the boundaries of God's definition of a beating. His beliefs though does not negate God's.

Psalm 119

You left out thumb screws and water torture!   ;D  Seriously though, we discipline with spanking, as that is what scripture says to do:


But, I agree with Coyote.  Different forms of discipline work with different children.  My oldest fears spankings enough that the mere look from dad often does the trick.  My youngest has no fear of spanking whatsoever, so we have to resort to other methods, like privileges removed and such like.

Some say that spanking a child teaches them violence.  I agree with scripture.  It teaches them that I care enough to deal with their sin.  I tell my kids almost everytime I have to spank them that I do so because I obey God.  They're getting spanked because of disobedience.  I'm spanking in obedience.  They need to see that.

Some say that spanking a child teaches them that you don't love them.  I agree with scripture.  I love them, and I communicate that truth to them in love.  I care about their sin and the dealings God may bring into their lives over that sin.  If I don't deal with them...God will.  I love my kids and I want them around.  When we stop disciplining our kids, we see them killing each other in school.

Tsk, tsk.... So many assumptions being bandied about.... ;D

It's really sad that many have adopted the Dr.Spock approach to child rearing, rather than using God's Word as the standard.

If you don't spank, you've chosen Spock over God?

When we stop disciplining our kids, we see them killing each other in school.

If you don't spank, you don't discipline?

Well, you get the idea.....

Now let's try an idea you guys may not have thought of! ;)
I come from the classroom. I was not allowed by law to carry a stick around and beat other people's children. Go figure.... ::)

Which meant that I had to be just a bit more creative in discipline. So that carried over to my home. My children are disciplined - just not beaten with a rod (nor have I ever seen 'actual' honey dripping from an adultress' mouth).

Liken it to a shepherd, if you like. The shepherd uses a rod to protect the sheep from predators, to pull them back when they stray, and to lean on for walking on unsteady terrain. The shepherd does NOT beat the sheep.

Now, having said that, I will also say that I have never said that I don't believe in spankings. But for those of you who disagree with me (personally) more often than not, let me also tell you that I was spanked!  ;D

Now Sister...don't be takin' me out of context.  I did say...


I didn't, seriously, mean to condemn your form of disciplining your child.  Please don't misunderstand me there.  But I am still adamant about the lack of discipline our government is instilling in us as parents these days.  It is different in different states, but I tend to see things as becoming more philosophical, and less theological in Christian Parenting.

As Americans, we've taken the Bible, prayer, and practiced discipline out of our schools, and in many cases, out of our homes.  We've evolved into higher thinking.  I can't help but see that as a large part of why we see kids killing kids.  Just a thought.  Feel free to disagree... ;D

But I am still adamant about the lack of discipline our government is instilling in us as parents these days.  It is different in different states, but I tend to see things as becoming more philosophical, and less theological in Christian Parenting.

As Americans, we've taken the Bible, prayer, and practiced discipline out of our schools, and in many cases, out of our homes.  We've evolved into higher thinking.  I can't help but see that as a large part of why we see kids killing kids.  Just a thought.

Feel free to disagree...

Can't and don't!  ;)

The only thing I ever disagree with is anyone (whoever) saying/implying that you MUST spank! And the ironic part is that spanking (as most people do it) doesn't actually follow the Proverb. You must use a 'rod' to follow it!  ::) But there are other verses about raising children that are completely forgotten! That seems to be the only verse that most churchgoers want to know about! Sorry: /rant  :-X

But I do agree that children need discipline! And I have seen far too often where parents use 'discipline' as a last resort and only after they have gotten frustrated! Discipline starts when the infraction starts, not after the umpteenth time!  ::) Consistency is the key!

But you MUST!!!! Says so right there..."if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.If you strike him with the rod..."...course, that does say "if."   ;)  My point being that to deny that as a course, I believe to be a problem.  It's not the only solution.  Many times it isn't even a viable one.  But it is a biblical one.  And I do use a rod.  A real big steel one with spikes...no wait.  That's in my Baldur's Gate game.  Good point!  But I'd argue (probably lacking in credibility) the implication of physical discipline over tools used to affect said discipline.


Guilty as charged!  And good point sister!  :)

Glad to see I put the topic in the right place he he he he


I was spanked as a child. The method of spanking depended on the infraction. Fibbing was an automatic belt across the bottom, back talk was a hickory switch, not doin my chores was a paddle... I never hated my Dad for instilling the logic of actions/reactions. I didn't like it cause it hurt, but I learned to do what was right. My oldest 2 understand the resposibilities of making their decisions. Usually a look from me or a quick bark and all inappropriate behavior stops. They tell me up front when they screwed up, and I respect them for having that integrity at such a young age.

I use either the open hand across an underwear clad bottom, or a leather moccasian (it sounds loud when it smacks but with a sting). I do not beat them, or curse them when it is being administered. I let them count out the licks, and tell me why they are getting a spanking. I involve them during the whole process. Of course that is the maximum punishment and rarely used anymore.

I have found that when they blame each other and won't confess to something, that the simple law of gravity works great. I place an encyclopedia book in each ones hands and simply have them hold the book out. I have found stuff out I didn't know anything about. The truth comes quickly, and it is all cleared up. (Mind you I know the truth before we even start, that just ensures that one doesn't admit guilt when innocent) When it is something that impacts the entire familiy, then the entire familiy is present.

We are a very loving familiy, and we are all close. We tackle everything together, from yard work to finances (I want them to see how much money is spent just to live, and why we can't eat out every night). The only way we are going to make it in this world is through Love, Honesty, Fellowship, and our unshakable faith in Christ.


Sorry ranted a bit again ;)


Love,

Coyote

That was a nice post coyote, especially noted the Of course that is the maximum punishment and rarely used anymore.

I think children that are disciplined properly when they are young, dont require a whole lot when they are older, which goes along with what you said. Now our children are 20/16/15, and except for the occassional minor infraction, sibling spats, and temperment checks, I can say with complete honesty they do not give us any problems that warrant concern.

Here I must insert, that we as christians can`t take complete credit, for the Spirit of God at work in a childs life, can accomplish more in steering them down the right path than what our human efforts  can, that being true even for us as adults. That being said, I believe our first job as parents is to PRAY for our children.
 
I can`t say I never spanked my kids, there were times they did get a paddling on the bottom, ie, if say a three year old persists in running unto the roadway,...but I also can`t say with a certianty that there were not times I was too quick to lash out, and perhaps those times had more to do with my own exasperated emotions than concern for my childs learning.
 
I was raised in a home where spanking was basically the only form of discipline. Much of what i`ve learned has been thru trial and error, but I made a decision early on to treat my children as the individuals they are, not all childrens temperments are the same, and not all punishments are effective for every child.  Some you have to be tough on so to speak, others a lecture will keep them from repeating the deemed offence.

Stepping outside the moment is something i`ve practised over the years, and is a good reminder concerning this idea of setting an example for our children, (even works with marriage). What I mean by this is to take pause, and ask ones self, if when my child marries, or has children of his/her own, will I cry tears of regret if they follow my example and  repeat these same actions, or words with thier own spouse or children? Something that really makes you judge yourself.

We dedicated our children to God when they were born, we know we answer solely to Him for how we raise them, so on a  daily basis we must be mindful  of how we listen, talk, react, lead, and set an example  etc, with these that really belong to Him. A fearful, awesome, wonderful responsibility, i`m glad He deemed me worthy  :)

I think this is an excellent article:

Godly Discipline Really Works

Misbehaving children are often reflections of poor parenting rather than bad behavior. What you need to know to make discipline an effective medium of teaching your child.

"Now you’ve done it! I will cane you so hard that you will never forget it," the angry
parent yelled at the abused child.

Punishment purposes to hurt because of hurt or anger. Too often, an angry or hurting parent uses punishment to "get back at" a child. Punishment actually becomes revenge. Such reaction to a child’s misbehavior cause lasting
harm to the child’s spirit both wounding and crushing a child’s spirit for the future. The end result in the child will be rebellion. That child will also grow into an adult parent who wounds and hurts his or her children so that the pain or curse is passed on to the next generation. Punishment provokes children to anger.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."
(Col. 3:21)

Discipline is God’s way of parenting. When a child misbehaves, we discipline. Discipline corrects and teaches. Punishment tries to make a child "pay" for what they have done wrong; whereas, discipline seeks to correct and teach a child.

Never discipline a child when reacting emotionally in anger to his words or behavior.
When a parent punishes out of an angry outburst, then the child only learns not to provoke a parent’s anger.

Rebuke. Discipline uses rebuke first.

A rebuking look or a word redirects wrong
behavior or words into right responses. Rebuke allows a child to make correction before the embarrassment of wrong becomes exposed.

Chasten. Then comes chastening if rebuke doesn’t work.
Chastening makes public a private wrong. Chastening brings to light a wrong motive or attitude behind a child’s words or behaviors. Chastening explains the wrong and teaches the right.

Scourge. Physical discipline like spanking, isolation, grounding, removal of privilege and enforcing previously set consequences becomes necessary when rebuke and chastening fail to turn a child to repentance.

While controlled and limited spanking on the behind may work with young children, it fails to be effective after about
six or seven. More reasoning accompanied by withdrawing privileges works best. Physical discipline applied simply to hurt a child or crush the spirit is abuse.

"My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives." (Heb. 12:4-5)

Misbehaving children are often reflections of poor parenting rather than bad behavior. What you need to know to make discipline an effective medium of teaching your child.

Be consistent in your discipline. There are four C’s to discipline:

1) Consistency --- Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you promise
to spank if the child disobeys another time, then spank if the child willfully disobeys.

How many times do you have to threaten before your child obeys? How loud must you get before your child pays attention to you?

Children learn when their parents’ really mean it. Because parents fail to follow up
their warnings with immediate correction, children learn to wait until the parent really means "business." You may be wasting valuable time and emotional energy with empty yelling and threatening.

Give a calm warning stating the reason for it.

Follow the warning with an announcement of the consequences if the child
fails to obey.

If the child continues to disobey, then take immediate action by
implementing the consequences.
No yelling, screaming or stern threats are needed. The parent determines when a child will receive correction not the reverse.

Are you willing to take action after the first warning? Start this process when a child is young and as he matures, he will know that your warnings are serious the first time.

"Discipline your son in his early years while there is hope. If you don’t you will ruin his life." (PROV. 19:18 TLB)

2) Calm --- Be calm instead of stormy in your discipline. An emotional reaction or
outburst instills fear instead of respect in a child. Your discipline should communicate that you love a child; and because of your love, you are teaching through discipline. An emotional reaction to a child’s misbehavior only leads a
child to think that you do not love or care for him or her.

3) Correct --- Don’t just emphasize what a child is doing wrong. Focus on how the
child can change both attitudes and actions in order to correct themselves. Think about driving a car or riding a bike. Both require steering and steering is comprised of constant correction. Often the steering wheel or handlebars are only moved slightly. But those constant corrects avoid wrecks.

No one wants their children to have wrecks. As a result, we not only point out what’s wrong, but we also take the time and make the effort to teach what’s right. Remember, parental discipline done right takes both time and effort. Parents who rush through parenting raise children who run away from responsibility and
maturity. Scripture instructs us:

"He who receives correction is prudent." (Psa. 15:5)

Correcting your child early in life prepares him or her for a future of being able to
receive wisdom and correction from other authority figures.

4) Covenant --- Your relationship with your child is based on a covenant not a legal system. Yes, covenants do set rules and establish boundaries. But those rules and boundaries are to protect the child not to punish him or her. Establish a loving covenant with your child so that your discipline happens within the context
of relationship not legalism.

Covenant communicates the love of God to a child. A child’s first picture of the Father is a parent. Loving discipline teaches a child about the love of the Father.

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them
when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie
down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your
hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
(Deut. 6:5-9)

Discipline is never easy or pleasant but it’s a necessary tool in helping your child mature into a man or woman of God.

Remember, you discipline just like the Lord --- out of your love for that child.

[edited for length] -
http://www.chc.org.sg/version3/harvesttimes/ht_17_06.cfm

Wow, Shylynne, what a wonderful article!

Justice without love is not justice; love without justice is not love.

In His love,

-Grace

In our home it depends on the:

Act
Intent
Knowledge of it being acceptable or unacceptable
Heart at the time
Willingness to ask forgiveness or admit to the wrong

I have 5 children ages 5 and under. Husband and I have made it pretty clear what we accept and do not accept as behavior in our home. All the children (in our opinion) understand the main rules of the home. WE are pretty strict which makes us very loving parents.

I just pray that what we are doing now builds strong character and obedient God loving children (teens/adults) able to deal with the world/people around them.