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Men strike back!

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
 ;D ;D ;D

(http://img.intelihealth.com/i/K/Kid.jpg)

Why do brides dress in white? All appliances come in white.

 :-X

(http://www.slosipe.org/TRAIN/mod16/slipperysneakers.gif)

LOL :)

*tiptoes in*


 :-X I couldn't help it, I laughed! :-X


*tiptoes out*

 ;D LOL

<:)))><

Who tippytoed on the tulips?


(http://www.wtv-zone.com/coplove/Cute/flwrchip.jpg)

 ;)

gross gender betrayal!

*as per clause in bug reports I exercise my right to make a citizens arrest

GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL!  :-X

*hangs head in shame*

gross gender betrayal!

I know, I know.... *sigh*

But PLEASE not jail! That Cyclops skeers me!  :-X




Did you laugh? :P

Oklahoma Howdy to Ambassador4Christ,

Thanks Brother!, I needed that.

However, my wife was watching and I couldn't laugh.

 Did you laugh? :P

  :-X

...BEP...you can`t fool a woman that easily..the twitch gave you away  :P

Oklahoma Howdy to Shylynne,

I went outside, hid behind a tree, and I had little and muffled Mutley snicker. You'll have to know who Mutley (the cartoon) is to appreciate the type of snicker I'm talking about. She asked me later what I was doing outside, and I told her I was checking out my pink lawn mower to see if it was ready for ME to mow in the spring.   ;D


Remember Mutley?

You two are killing me. LOL :)

Why hasn't there ever been a woman on the moon?

It's not dirty yet.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ;D

My Favorite: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

ROFLOL

(http://jamesberry.sydcom.net/clinton/doghouse.jpg)

A dog would NEVER let Billy Clinton defile his house...

LOL

(http://www.sirinet.net/~blkidps/s43.gif)

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LOL, A dog would NEVER let Billy Clinton defile his house...

How true JudgeNot ;)

K listen up men, you might be able to help yourselves here!

Dr. Mellow's Guide To Women

Women, by nature, are evil. It is only when we understand this simple concept that men can ever hope to understand women. Hopefully, with these guidelines, men will have a better understanding of the mysterious ways of womankind.The first thing one must remember about a woman is that she knows everything. This is without exception. To go as far as say that a woman knows what you are thinking is not unrealistic. If, at any point of time, you are unsure of what you are thinking, one of the best ways to find out is to ask the nearest woman.

But, unfortunately, there is a drawback to asking a woman such a question . This drawback is that she, in all probability, will answer. And once a woman starts talking, it is very rare that she will ever stop. I believe this has something to do with the way that women think. Women believe that as long as they are talking, people listen to her. Of course, listening to a woman talk can be very tedious at times. It is OK not to listen to her as long as you nod your head in agreement and say Uh-huh every now and then. This makes the woman think you are listening and therefore she is happy.

Happiness is a good thing in a woman. If a woman is not happy, all chaos breaks loose. In order to help a woman keep a state of happiness, one should buy her gifts for various reasons. These reasons include the 1 month anniversary, the 1 year anniversary, Presidents Day, and any day whose date is a multiple of one. These gifts could be in the conventional form of flowers and candy, or for greater happiness, cars and real estate.

Often, when a woman says something, it is not what she means. But, other times, she says exactly what she means. It is only possible to distinguish these two cases if you are a woman. Since women already know the nature of women, this is of no use to them. For men, we can only hope to distinguish the difference, for a mistake in judgement can result in death.

Women know what men want. This is very strange, because even as sometimes men dont know what they are thinking, men usually dont know what they want. However, I must observe that it seems that what men want for the most part is women. This is unfortunate, for women know this fact and know that it is possible for them to do almost anything and this fact will not change.

Women have a very delicate nature. It is virtually impossible to keep one happy all of the time. It is totally impossible to know what one is thinking or feeling. And it is also impossible for us men, knowing how evil they are, not to love them.  

(http://www.pickandsend.com/jh/smile.gif)

How True

Women have a very delicate nature. It is virtually impossible to keep one happy all of the time. It is totally impossible to know what one is thinking or feeling. And it is also impossible for us men, knowing how evil they are, not to love them.  

Amen :D

*snickers*

Is the strike over now?


 :P

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He ran up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled up in the bed, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, ''What happened here today?''

She again smiled and answered, ''You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?''

''Yes,'' was his incredulous reply, half shouting.

The smile remained, ''Well, today I didn't do it.''

Author Unknown

Oklahoma Howdy to All Guys,

Guys, I think we have been whipped into a corner with no way out. Unconditional surrender seems to be our only choice.

Yep!, that's right for us.

Pink apron doing the dishes.
Hair net on while doing the cooking.
Mowing with our pink lawn mowers.
Candy and flowers to the little ladies for a month.
No more forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
Stand at attention and say, "Yes, Admiral" when they speak to us.

For those guys who are unwilling to admit complete defeat, one must remember at least two things:

There is no place to hide.
You're not safe when you are asleep.


Yes, we are:

muahahahaha  ;D

(http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0SADNAjgWMziU7n7FhYE2R5FCR33ZLk1o8qlpX*XIHWRxYVF3zZhvBmJkCVZxbokzfHzWHbs3t1JMxwycqmD*hhkNbIR0OPmOMNqznMTvx5RjAAAArXJVAg/clip-girl.gif?dc=4675463342910405103)











(http://www.sirinet.net/~blkidps/s43.gif)

I would like to quote a naval officer(whose name eludes me) "I have not yet begun to fight!!!" But unfortunatly I have nothing to back it up, and the wife told me to behave.... ;D

I would like to quote a naval officer(whose name eludes me) "I have not yet begun to fight!!!"

John Paul Jones, during the Revolutionary War, said that when a British Admiral asked if he would surrender because his ship was all shot up and about to sink.... :P

(http://www.sirinet.net/~blkidps/s43.gif)

Thats the guy John Paul Jones... He was in Led Zepplin too;)

 ;D

 LOL!

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
 
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women  are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men  that dominated their women, there was only one man.
 
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created  you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!
 
Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this  line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand  here."
 

Why Did God Make Mothers?  Answers by elementary school kids:

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work AND work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she is perfect, on the outside some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of    that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did    it and not me.

Oklahoma Howdy to The Crusader,

 ;D   ;D  Thanks Brother! - I needed those laughs.

I'm the one in charge at my house, but I only come out when my wife lets me.


 ;D

Love In Christ,
Tom

Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.  ;D

*Bump* ;D

Men strike back!

---------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
---------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
---------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
---------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
---------------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
---------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
---------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
---------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

 ;D

LOL ;D GRRRRRRRR   >:(


ummmm God made man, then said I can do better than that, He created Woman!!

NO Sister, Its In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

 ;D


<:)))><

GRRRRRR ACK..... ;D



Genesis 2
15   And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
16   And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
17   But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
18   And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
19   And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
20   And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
21   And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22   And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a Woman, and brought her unto the man.
23   And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24   Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25   And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.


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Living Word!!

Blessings,   \o/

KristiAnn

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a Woman, and brought her unto the man.
Ah now I see why women are a pain in a mans side. ;) ;D

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a Woman, and brought her unto the man.
Ah now I see why women are a pain in a mans side.

Good One DreamWeaver ;D You Get "TWO" Thumbs UP ;D

<:)))><

"Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece." ~unknown

 :P

   :P

 8)

  :)

 ;D

ah...a masterpiece...perfect in every way  8)

Unless your a genius in which case you'd go straight for the answer, right?

(http://www.emotipad.com/newemoticons/Deep-Thinker.gif)

Huh?

Eve ate Adam out of house and home :P



(http://www.sirinet.net/~blkidps/bljpg2.jpg)

and you call that a good thing females?

me too Philippians me too (http://www.emotipad.com/newemoticons/Deep-Thinker.gif)

When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?"
The correct response is always,
"Do I look stupid?"

Shylynne,

 ;D  OR:

You're just a tiny and delicate little angel girl.

(Small print:  don't even think the word "Sumo" - as in wrestler).

rofl! You left out a happy medium!  :P  

And hubby`s response:
Do these clothes make me look fat?
No, you make you look fat,
the clothes look just fine!  ;D

Still one of my FAVORITES:


And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a Woman, and brought her unto the man.

Ah now I see why women are a pain in a mans side. ;D :) ;D :)

1 Corinthians 1:27
But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty...
 :)

   (http://www.picturesofrecord.com/EMSTA004.jpg)

Symphony,

You look much better with your glasses on.   ;D

KOOL

Thanks Symphony, you made my day. Your the Greatest   ;D

 ;D That is so true.I agree and I'm a girl that proves it.LOL