ChristiansUnite Forums

Hi, I am new to the site.  I have an issue I must deal with and I need some advice.  My fiancee & I have been living together for several years.  I recently became saved (I thought I had been already, but was not really)  Anyway, since becoming a true chrisitian & studying God's word & seeking Him in all things, I have become very burdened with something.  My fiancee, although knowing what the Gospel is, does not want to become a Chrisitian, accepting Christ, or living according to His Commands.  I don't think he understand's that He needs a Savior.  I have talked to him about it, but he tells me when he is ready he will & he is Not ready.  Basically tells me to leave him alone about it.  He doesn't mind me talking about My faith & joy about my Salvation, however, which is good at least.   But, I do not think it would be wise to marry him since we are unequally yoked & I can already see how different our view points have become on many issues.  I have 3 children from a previous (abusive) relationship, but my fiancee has been in their lives since they were very young.  They love him very much & he loves them very much.  But I still don't feel right to marry him.  However, breaking off our relationship will be very devastating to my kids, especially my daughter who has known only him as a father since she was 2 1/2.   I only recently started back going to church & do not know anyone well enough to entrust them with this burden, that is why I ask for advice here anonymously. 
I am not in a position to ask him to leave or to leave myself right now b/c I am unemployed & cannot afford to move out or pay bills myself.  I pray for him & I know God Can save Him if it is His will to show my fiancee that Grace, but it is hard to know exactly what I should do or how to handle it, or how long I should wait.  I was going to wait until I get a job & then discuss our future regarding marriage at that time, so that if we do break up, I can take care of myself & the kids on my own.  I don't feel right continueing to live together for just an endless time without being married.  I do not want to sin against God or go against His will.  (although I have abstained from sex)  I am just so torn about how to deal with this, he will be angry & hurt if I will not marry him over this issue, the hurt of my kids, and I am afriad he will blame God & turn away from Him even more.  I have been saying alot, thank you all for 'listening'.  I am grateful for any & all advice.  God bless!

Hello WalkWithTheLord,

First, I see that you're new, so WELCOME!


I sincerely hope that you enjoy Christians Unite, and I look forward to having fellowship with you.

You have described a variety of very personal issues - many of which only you can answer. You're already aware that you also have some moral and Biblical issues to deal with. On top of everything else, you are not in a position financially to offer yourself many options. I think that the best anyone can do is offer you some advice that will not be answers:

1 - How much do you love him, and how much effort are you willing to put out to address the issues that are bothering you?

2 - Find work and put yourself in a position that you could be independent if need be.

3 - Talk to him about your concerns and find out how much he actually loves you.

4 - Pray about this and consider talking to your pastor.

I think this would be a start, and I doubt it would be right to offer much more on such intensely personal issues. I hope this helps you some, but I know this isn't much. I realize that you're already doing or thinking about some of this. Put yourself in a position that you CAN decide these issues and know that you have to.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Romans 8:24-28  For in hope were we saved: but hope that is seen is not hope: for who hopeth for that which he seeth?  25  But if we hope for that which we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.  26  And in like manner the Spirit also helpeth our infirmity: for we know not how to pray as we ought; but the Spirit himself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered;  27  and he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.  28  And we know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to his purpose.

Thank you Tom.  It helps to hear someone comfirm my thoughts & offer a Word of Hope from the Lord.  God Bless!