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Hollywood’s New 3 Stooges: Benicio del Toro, Jim Carrey and… Sean Penn??

-By Warner Todd Huston

OK, now by that headline you are most likely assuming that I am calling del Toro, Carrey and Penn Hollywood stooges and making fun of them. Of course, we already know that Penn and del Toro are stooges on the “useful idiot” level, but you may wonder why I am slapping Carrey? Well, I mean it in the strictest sense — that Hollywood is casting for a new 3 Stooges team and these are the three Nyucks under consideration. It is del Toro as the new Moe, Carrey as the next Curly and Penn as our favorite nebbish, Larry.

But leave it to Hollywood to take the funniest threesome in Hollywood history and make a muck of it. This isn’t really the 3 Stooges at all. See, it is a “new” one, set in modern day, where three guys sortta, kinda like the 3 Stooges find each other in an orphanage and start a comedy team bringing them fame and fortune.

See it’s a “fictional treatment that maintains the Stooges’ gleeful slap schtick updated for a modern milieu.” Aw geeze. “Updated for a modern Milieu” tells me that they haven’t a clue what the Stooges were about in the first place. Can you say “straight to DVD”?

Who can bet we’ll get a PC Stooges all neurotic over their “portrayal of violence,” filled with angst and driven to dark introspection? It’ll be a brooding, dark “comedy,” right?

I can see it now, del Toro as an illegal immigrant Moe that thinks he’s a “funnier” Che Guevara, Carrey won’t be able to stop mugging long enough to give his lines (like most of his other movies) and Penn will be a gay Larry, high on heroin, and going on and on about “the oppressed” every time you turn around. They’ll all be in therapy for “anger management” and end up working at a Starbucks in L.A.

Yeah, It’s gonna be hilarious. Do they have to ruin everything in La La Land?